Minseok’s POV:

Everything was fine here at SM. Us members of EXO would carry out each day with busy schedules. 

 

Everything was perfect, until we found out we were going to be releasing our first studio album very soon.

 

We would name this album XOXO, and instead of being separated as two sub units of EXO, we would come together

as one group and create the album together.

 

We spent many months working on it, and one day, during our very tiny break, I decided to check out our MAMA

video from when we first debuted.

 

I hadn’t seen it in a while, so it has seemed like a good idea.

 

I read through the comments, slightly disappointed when I didn’t see any involving me, until I came across my

name.

 

I felt a smile grow across my face, then felt it slowly disappear as I read the entire comment.

 

“Ha! Who’s the fat kid in the back? Xiumin? What a dumb name. Why is he even part of this group? He’s nothing

compared to the others, SM should get rid of him at once!”

 

The comment affected me much more that it should have.

 

I should have brushed it off, told myself it was just another hate comment, and that I fit in perfectly with the rest of

the band.

 

Instead, I let myself believe it.

 

I looked down at my body, then glanced around at my fellow members.

 

I tried comparing myself to Sehun, the maknae of EXO.

 

He had an amazingly skinny body that held just the right amount of muscle.

 

I looked at myself once again, frowning when I saw how fat I was compared to him. 

 

Fat.

 

The word haunted me for days, voices in my head screaming it each time I looked in the mirror.

 

But it wasn’t just that.

 

They yelled so many terrible things.

 

Fat.

 

Worthless.

 

Useless.

 

Ugly.

 

I let the voices take over my entire being.

 

I had become convinced that I was overweight and I couldn’t stand it.

 

Every time I looked in the mirror, I saw a monster staring back at me.

 

It screamed at me, saying I didn’t deserve to be part of EXO, that they would be better without me.

 

I was disgusted with my body, and could barely stand to look at it.

 

As a result of these thoughts, I began to eat less.

 

It started with me simply refusing snack bars, chips, and other unhealthy things that were offered to me, but it

gradually got more intense.

 

I had started skipping meals, and going for runs around the building instead.

 

It hurt, of course, but when I began to see the fat on my body fade away, I instantly knew it was worth it.

 

Food had become my arch enemy, and even the thought of it had me cringing in disgust.

 

Whenever someone asked about the sudden drop in my weight, or how skinny I was becoming, I simply said I was

trying to lost a couple pounds before our comeback.

 

We had written one of our songs called Wolf, and I had the feeling that I wouldn’t seem much like a wolf if I was

overweight, like I was before.

 

Of course, no one paid much attention to it, so my secret was kept safe.

 

One morning, as I walked towards the hall where everyone would eat breakfast, I found the table filled with various

treats.

 

There were donuts and cakes if you happened to be craving something sweet, and if not, there were eggs and bacon.

 

I instantly cringed, already feeling the urge to gag.

 

I was ready to bolt out of the room before anyone saw me and go for my usual morning run, but it was too late.

 

“Minseok hyung! You’re here, finally!” I heard Jongdae shout, overjoyed. 

 

Jongdae was perfect, no lie.

 

He had a jaw that looked as if it was made of steel, had amazing cheekbones, and, most importantly, was skinny,

unlike me.

 

As much as I loved him, I couldn’t help but feel intimidated when I was around him.

 

He was a god compared to me.

 

Everyone loved him, he never got any hate, but it seemed to be the only thing I ever got.

 

“Aren’t you going to eat anything? The food is so delicious!” He continued, snapping me out of my daze.

 

“No, I think I’ll pass. I’m not really hungry today, I ate a lot for dinner last night.” I lied, forcing a fake smile onto my

face.

 

“That’s weird, because I didn’t see you at dinner last night. I asked around, and no one else had seen you. How

about you come and eat breakfast with us now? You’re becoming too skinny, and I’m starting to get hungry.” He

insisted.

 

I inwardly scolded myself for not realizing that Jongdae could have noticed I was gone last night.

 

I was prepared to politely decline, but when I saw his pouting face, I didn’t have the heart to refuse. So, instead, I

let him pull me over to the table.

 

I greeted my fellow members as I would normally do, and felt thankful when no one else commented on the fact that

I was gone for the last few meals.

 

When I sat down, though, I saw Baekhyun open his mouth, and the small amount of relief I had felt went away.

 

 

“Minseok hyung, it’s been so long since I’ve seen you eat anything. Have you been eating regularly?” He asked,

concern laced in his voice.

 

Immediately, Chanyeol spoke up.

 

“Baekhyun’s right, you’ve been getting so skinny hyung.” He added on.

 

I laughed nervously as I felt eleven pairs of eyes on me.

 

“Yeah, I’ve just had a bit of a busy schedule the past few days. Plus, I already told you guys, I'm on a diet for the

comeback."

 

The members still looked slightly worried, but when I grinned and assured them I was okay, the concern faded from

their faces, and they continued their previous conversation.

 

I took small bites of my food, fighting the urge to gag.

 

For each bite I took, I could feel my body getting heavier, and I didn’t like it one bit.

 

I felt as if all my efforts to not eat were being wasted because of this one meal.

 

When I had eaten a fair amount, I excused myself to the bathroom, and tried not to sprint as fast as I could.

 

As I raced off, a certain vocalist got up and followed not far behind me, not quite believing that I was completely

alright.

 

As soon as I arrived, I locked myself in one of the stalls, and stuck a finger down my throat.

 

Ignoring the horrible feeling that washed over me once I had triggered my gag reflexes, I pushed my finger father

until I finally felt food coming up my throat.

 

I instantly turned towards the toilet bowl, throwing up all of what I had ate, getting rid of all the calories and fat I

had put into my stomach.

 

It felt awful, my body breaking out in a cold sweat, and I immediately felt a terrible migraine coming on.

 

But it was worth it, because it had stopped me from getting fatter than I already was.

 

As I sat next to the toilet, struggling to get my senses back, I didn’t realize that there was someone standing right

outside the stall, completely shocked because of what they had just heard.

 

I heard the faint sound of footsteps, then a door opening and slamming closed, but that’s all I heard.  

 

After what I think was about ten minutes, I shakily stood up, holding onto the wall for support, and opened the stall

door, stumbling to the sinks and the mirrors, taking in my appearance. 

 

My eyes were slightly red from the tears that I hadn’t noticed running down my face, and my hair was slightly

tangled.

 

After washing my face and messing around with my hair, I decided that I was ready to go back out.

 

I was fine walking down the hallway, bowing down to the older idols, and kindly greeting the trainees I encountered,

until one of my managers asked me a question, and it took me a moment to get my throat to work.

 

I apologized, saying I had a sore throat, and quickly took off in the direction of my room.

 

I made a note to not make myself throw up too often, as it would probably hurt my vocals, and that wouldn’t be a

good sign considering I’m a singer.

 

Once I got to my room, I collapsed on my bed, not caring what time it was.

 

My schedule didn't start until later in the afternoon, so I had plenty of time to rest.

 

This went on for a few weeks, and no one questioned me until one night, when I had been forced to eat dinner with

the rest of my group.

 

As usual, I had excused myself so that I could use the bathroom.

 

I did the usual process of getting myself to throw up, but it didn’t work quite as I had planned.

 

Gazing into the toilet bowl, I felt horrified to find that their was blood in it.

 

Had I thrown up blood?

 

Scared for my health, I backed up into the door, creating a loud sound as I banged against it.

 

I felt tears pour down my face, and sobs racked my body.

 

Not two minutes later, I heard someone barge into the bathroom, screaming my name.

 

Jongdae’s POV:

I watched as my best friend excused himself from the diner table to go to the bathroom.

 

He did this at every meal, and I was beginning to get worried.

 

I kept glancing in the direction of the toilets, as if willing Minseok to come back and eat more.

 

He had been getting so thin, and I didn't know what was happening.

 

Ever since I heard him throwing up in the bathroom after breakfast that one day, I had been keeping a close eye on

him. 

 

When I felt Sehun’s eyes on me, and heard him ask if I was ok, I replied saying I was fine, and he nodded his head,

going back to quietly commenting on Zitao’s and LuHan’s argument on some pointless video game.

 

I tried to focus on eating and not worry about my favourite hyung, but when I heard quiet sobs coming from the

bathroom, I quickly stood up and ran towards it, screaming Minseok’s name.

 

I opened the door to the stall I heard it coming from, and found Minseok sitting on the floor, curled up into a ball,

crying.

 

I quickly glanced at the toilet bowl, and immediately felt nauseous because of the mix of blood and our dinner in it.

 

Carefully helping Minseok back to my room, I sat him on my bed and let him softly cry into my shoulder.

 

“I just wanted to be skinny,” he cried, hanging on to my shirt like he would fall into abyss if he let go. 

 

“I just wanted to fit in.”

 

“You don’t have to be skinny to fit in, Minseok. You were perfect the way you were, and you always will be in my

eyes. Don’t let what other people say get to you, they are just haters trying to get a reaction out of you. Everyone,

including EXO and the fans, love you for who you are, not what you look like. Besides, you were already skinny

enough before, there was no reason for you to lose weight in the first place. It’s not good to be too skinny, it’s a sign

that you are unhealthy. So please, don’t ever try to diet or starve yourself again, because you are amazing, no

matter what anyone else says, and we all love you.”

 

“… You’re not lying? You really mean it?” He asked, quietly. He sounded so innocent and broken, and it tore my heart

to pieces.

 

“Yes, I really mean it. We are one, remember?” I smile gently, his hair softly as he buried his face in my

neck.

 

“Thank you, Jongdae… This is why you are my best friend,” he whispered, closing his eyes.

 

“You are very welcome, Minseok,” I whispered back, snuggling closer to him as I felt myself slowly drift off.