"Joy-ah if you don't want me to go then you can just tell me. I can understand." V said to me. We're in a swing now. Saying our final goodbyes.

"No V, follow your dreams. That's why I gave you the nickname V 'cause it stands for Victory. I want you to taste that Victory." I said and I can feel a giant lump in my throat right now. Damn I can't cry now.

"You'll contact me, okay?" He held my hand and stood up in front of me while I am still sitting in the swing.

"I love you Joy." He said as he kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes 'cause I can feel my tears already filling my eyes.

"Hey won't you say something?" He chuckled. I felt that the tears are now gone, at least. I can feel that he crouched down to my eye level.

"If I get to debut, you'll cheer for me, right? Even though I'll have handsome co-members." I opened my eyes and saw him staring at me.

"Of course. I'll cheer for you. Make sure you give me merch and concert tickets." I said to him as I smile. He patted my head.

"Alright. Oh sh*t I'm already late for the train." He said as he carry his bag.

"Joy-ah, don't forget to call me okay?" He said. "Goodbye." He waved his hand awkwardly and turned his back at me. I run towards him and hugged him from the back.

"Woah Joy-ah, you missed me already?" He said and chuckled.

"I'll miss you." I said and buried my face in his back.

"I'll miss you too." He said and held my hand in his tummy. I let go.

"Alright Joy-ah, I better go." He said and walked away. He didn't look back.

That's the last thing I've heard from him. He said to contact him, I did, but he didn't answer any of my calls and text. I went to his house and asked her mother how he's doing since I can't contact him, she said he's doing fine and already preparing for debut. I can't understand. I went to Seoul to study and saw him there, I waved at him and greeted him, he ignored me. I'm sure it was him. I called him by his nickname V, he stopped for a while, and continued to walk. What have I done wrong? I questioned myself every time.

That's the time I stopped living to my nickname. Joy. Am I a fool 'cause until now I still love him? Yeah, I am a FOOL. Big time.