“Stop messing with me Sehun, just go home and stop calling me.” I said, looking around angrily, trying to avoid his eyes. I should’ve changed my passcode, I should’ve known he would try to come by eventually.

He was a cold person, he’s always been, but even the strongest people crack sometimes.

“It makes no sense. Why would you break up with me? Through a text as well. Did I really mean that little to you?” I couldn’t look at him. I didn’t even know what to say.

“I just can’t do this anymore Sehun. Please, go.”

“Just tell me why, if you really want me gone. Give me something. An answer so I can stop laying awake every night thinking about what I could’ve ed up.” I felt bad for not giving him an answering but if I started, I didn’t think I could stop, and I would cry in front of him and turn weak. I promised myself I will stop crying.

“I wasn’t happy anymore. You stopped making me happy.”

I saw his composure change and I could see he was getting choked up by my words.

“Is it because I didn’t have much time for you? Because if that’s it then you should know that I tried to be there for you as much as I could. Or is it because I am cold when we have other people around? It’s because I don’t like it when people stare, I thought it would make you uncomfortable. Is it because I am always tired? Or because sometimes I don’t ask too many questions and you think I’m not interested?” I was getting choked up but I took a deep breath.

“It’s all that, and more Sehun. Now please…”

“Has there been anyone else? It’s only been a week since we broke up, is it maybe because…”

“No, there was no one else, if that makes it any better, now please, I have work early in the morning.” He smiled bitterly and looked at his shoes.

“I don’t wanna go. Can I stay here?”

“Are you insane? Go home Sehun.”

“I won’t bother you, I don’t even have to be in the same room, but I...I can’t sleep...at all, I don’t know…” I could feel a burning sensation in my throat and I wanted to hug him and kiss him until he fell asleep, but we didn’t work anymore, we were broken, so why prolong this?

“Sehun, I made my choice. I don’t want you in my life anymore, I am no longer 18, I can’t forget what I feel because you knock me off my feet with some sweet nothings. I need stability. I don’t wanna look at the phone wondering if you are okay, or maybe fainted because of the lack of sleep, I don’t wanna wake up alone almost every morning and lose myself in stupid hobbies to forget that your spot feels empty. I am tired. I hate other’s men attention because it makes me feel like I am betraying you, but they bring me flowers and offer to clear their schedule to spend a day with me. I know you don’t have control over that, I really do,but you don’t know how to make me feel loved Sehun. I feel so empty and angry all the time.”

He was crying by the time I was done, and against all my promises, I was too.

“I am so sorry. I promised you so many things! I thought I could make them happen. I promised myself every single time I got home, that I would stop for flowers but I fell asleep and they would wake me up in front of your house and I would tell myself ‘next time’. I picked up the phone to listen to your voice but I always thought that would make me miss you more, so I didn’t. I was selfish, love is not like that, I should’ve thought of how you felt first because you are the woman I love, but I guess I’m just not…”

“Stop it Sehun, please!”

He got closer to me and put his hands on my cheeks.

“Y/N…”

He was looking at me the way I always wished he did, with that longing and bliss.

“Please…”

His touch made my skin crawl and his voice made my legs shake.

“Let me try to love you again.”

And he kissed me. A soft kiss but filled with hunger and despair, like that kiss could’ve changed something. I felt it. I felt it in the pit of my stomach, I wanted this, but only because it was him and because I believe things could change. I wanted the Sehun I fell in love with back. The one that would try to be romantic by placing my gifts on my seat at the restaurant so when I got to the table and he would pull the chair I would see it, but I always ended up sitting on it and making Sehun laugh and wonder when I’ll start being more aware of my surroundings. But he smiled nonetheless. Or like times when he cared about me more. When he would ask for selfies when it was raining to prove to him that I have a jacket or an umbrella and would always run away from work for 1 hr to get me home safe, or sent someone to me. Sehun used to call whenever it rained, that’s why I used to love rainy days.

Nowadays, he didn’t even look my way much. In the past, Infinite’s Hoya wanted to take a picture with me as we met backstage of a show and when he put his hand around my waist, Sehun appeared in less than 30 seconds and talked to him.

‘Hoya-shi, I don’t mean to sound mean or anything, but I don’t like it when other men touch my girlfriend.’ Hoya only smiled and understanding, he said goodbye.

That’s how he used to be but lately, he didn’t care much, Kai and I got pretty close and even if I felt nothing towards him, and I am pretty sure we both looked at each other as good friends, I started seeing the difference. Jongin, as a friend, gave me more attention than Sehun did, and they were both sitting next to me. At a point throughout the night, when everyone started talking, I got up to go to the bathroom and I stumbled on my own feet. Kai tried grabbing me so I would stay on my feet but he ended up falling on me, with one of his hands on my and his face buried into my neck. His hot breath made me feel woozy, and it made me realise how long it’s been since Sehun touched me. I look up to see Sehun not even looking away from his phone, and it made me realise, I didn’t even have any reason to be here. I listened to Kai’s apologies and told his it was perfectly fine, it’s not like he meant it, and I excused myself and went home. Sehun followed me to the door and said ‘Goodnight’ kissing my lips lightly. When I stopped in the driveway, I pulled out my phone and texted him.

“We’re done Sehun. It’s been nice knowing you. Eat well, sleep as much as you can and take care of yourself. Please call your parents every once in awhile, your mom worries a lot. Thank you for loving me and being there for me. Goodbye, Sehun-ah.”

Remembering how we got there, I pushed him away angrily and began shouting at him.

“ing get out of my face, you shouldn't even be here.”

He looked at me shocked.

“Of course, I should, I’m here to take what’s mine.”

“You never even leave anything around, what the was so precious that you came all the way here to ruin my evening?”

“You! You ing promised me you’ll be mine, always, even if I tuned into an , even if I pushed you away, you promised to stay there, so that means you’re mine.”

“You are delusional Sehun. And selfish. I don’t love you anymore. I can’t pretend you’re dead, you’ve been an important part of my life but you are not the man I cherish anymore Sehun.”

He looked at me with a look of disbelief and shock and I never broke eye contact once.

“Go home Sehun, or sleep on the couch for all I care, but whatever you chose to do, remember you have nothing of yours here, not anymore.”