It all ends when it ends... and starts again when it starts.

----

"How can she be so clumsy?"

"Stupid little girl..."

"Pathetic..."

Hurtful words that I'm used to listening to every single day of my miserable life. I'm used to it. I was hurt before, but, I learned to be as numb as I can be.

I actually spilled all of my food after slipping on the cafeteria floor. Yeah, you might think I'm really stupid and clumsy. Well, I actually did not slip. Someone obviously tripped me so they can entertain themselves like they always do. 

I took a deep sigh and picked the pieces of the burger and the empty orange juice bottle back to my tray.

No one even dared to help me. I mean, no one really dares to do just that or else they'll be the next victim.

Until someone dared.

He took the tray from the floor and put it on one of the tables. He gripped my right arm and helped me stood up.

It's him. It's really him.

"I can manage." I whispered while wiping my uniform with my hanky.

He looked at me. I could see it on my peripheral vision.

He took my hanky and started wiping my face with it. Of course, I refused.

"What do you think you're doing?" I asked.

He did not answer. He just kept wiping my face and stared at me intently.

Students around us started chattering.

I took the tray, rushing, and threw all the wasted food to the trash bin.

He yelled and called my name but I did not look back.

------------

After all these years, it's the first time he noticed me again.

I went to the rooftop of the school, changed into my P.E. uniform, and sat down. I didn't want to attend the rest of the classes anymore.

Maybe, this is the right place. And this is the right time... to cry. Well, I did cry. What else can I do?

I've been the school's laughing stock for the past few months when I tried to help a bullied guy before he actually dropped out of the school. He was sitting on that throne before, and he passed it on to me. I did not ever regret helping him, though. That's why I just accept what these ugly people are doing to me: harassing, bullying, and other bad stuff.

What I couldn't accept is what that guy had been doing for the past months that I've been like this. It felt like we never knew each other. I actually wished that we should have never known each other but we do know each other and we were more than that. I didn't know what went wrong. He just drifted far away from me. We're back to being strangers. And now, he's playing with my feelings again.

I heard some footsteps coming from the other side of the door. Someone's coming so I hid inside one of the rooms on the rooftop. I peeked on the windows to see who it was. Unfortunately, it was him. But wait, what was he doing here?

"(Your name)!"

"Are you here?"

"Yah! Answer me!"

"I know you're here!"

"Your bag's in here, you fool."

Shoot. I actually forgot my things outside.

"Wherever you are, just, please, listen to me."

So, I did.

"I know I've been a jerk. Yes, I am a jerk. A bad jerk. And I know I couldn't change that in your mind anymore."

He took a deep sigh. I sat down leaning on the wall, and, I can feel him doing the same thing just outside of the room.

"Remember that thin guy who used to be in your position before?"

What about him?

"He used to like you so much."

He did?

"That's why I did that to him. I bullied him. I let people throw hate on him because I thought you'd do the same thing."

.

"But you never did the same thing. You actually did the opposite: you helped him when he was in trouble even though you knew the consequences. You did not think twice of defending him. And now, you're the one in trouble."

"You knew that I like you, and, I know you feel the same way. It's just that... I thought... You chose him over me. I hated myself for thinking that."

"I thought I could forget you, but I couldn't. I tried to stay away from you, not mind you, ignore you, but I still think of you and I think I know why..."

 

"Why?" I asked...

 

He didn't answer for a few seconds.

 

"Where are you?" He asked.

"I'm asking why. Tell me." I said.

"Open this door." He was knocking, banging, and turning the knob wildly.

 

"Just...Just tell me why."

 

I stood up and opened the door.

 

He immediately embraced me.

 

"I love you... I really love you... I hate myself for not knowing that until now..." He said, hugging me tightly.

 

I did not answer.

He let go of me gently.

"Do you... Do you love me too?"

 

"I don't... I don't know. Maybe I do, maybe I don't." I told him.

"What?" he asked, confused.

"I loved you. I did. And, I'm still unsure if I still do."

 

He was astounded. Mouth agaped, he cried.

 

"Why?" he asked.

 

"Maybe, I'm not ready yet... or just a change of heart... or I'm confused. I'm sorry but right now, all I know is that you left me, and I'm still hurt. Let me heal, and I'll tell you about it, if you still can wait, and if you still feel the same way..."

I took my bag and rushed downstairs.

---------------

 

Someone tore my books inside my drawer. Yes, I'm bulled again. Nothing changed... oh something did... no one dared to help me.