You Can't Tell but I'm Broken Inside...

"You don't know pain until you're staring at yourself in the mirror with tears in your eyes,

begging yourself to just hold on and be strong..."
 

-Unknown

It was like...

Everything was good and then it wasn't. Just like that. One week it's all good the next week is crap. One day everything is great and everyone is laughing and having a good time, missing me even. Then the next day the hours tumble one after the next as if trying to bring on the inevitable, trying to summon the worst faster so as to...

So as to what?

The worst was here. Heck it had already come and gone and I was now left with a gaping whole in my chest where I'm sure my heart used to be.

The worst had come and ripped everything to shreads, rocked things out of their resting places, bulldozed whatever the hell it suspected stood in its way.

The only thing left standing unharmed was my body, my soul had been crushed under the immense weight of The Worst that had passed. However, I was sure that in no time whatever was left of me would be taken care of by Them.

Them who felt no mercy and would most definitely find a place for me in their cold hearts. Whether right next to the dead or the dying, however, I didn't know. Them who put on a pretty face to the outside world but had shown me the merciless way in which they the life out of all poor souls unfortunate enough to land in their midsts. Them who I needed to confront but didn't know how or when the right time would be.

This was it for me.

I was done, of that I am positive. I'd spent two months already holed up with Them waiting, wondering when exactly the day might come and they would notice how different I was.

They knew I wasn't one of them, how could they not notice with their eyes glowing a bright shade of crimson red and their hair smelling slightly of charcoal. While my eyes were the darkest pair of light brown.

Oh they knew I wasn't one of them, but they never fully realized how different I was. They couldn't have. But now, now that The Worst has come and gone leaving a trail of bodies, pain and information, they knew everything.

Now I just couldn't stay here, there was no way. My wondering days were done for they had found their undoing. An undoing who didn't know jack about her own legacy.

Each day I'd sit in wait searching for meaning while just a few feet away one of Them glared, her blood shot eyes setting fire to the very essence that was me. Each night I lay awake until the crack of dawn listening to their whispers of goodbyes that never came. Goodbyes meant for the living who'd soon forget what it meant to take another breath.

I stayed away each day for as long a time as I could, staying in shops, restaurants, doing research in libraries. Sometimes however, I could smell charcoal in the wind and whether it was just my mind playing tricks on me or the reality of the situation it didn't matter. I needed to head back to my hell on earth. It was the only place.

Not anymore.

If it wasn't a sanctuary before it sure as hell wasnt one now. Before they caught on to the whole story I'd need to go back to the dorm and collect everything I needed. I was leaving.

I hated this place. Hated it!

I thought I knew hate before but that was child's rant compared to this.

I was going home.

"Time doesn't heal anything... It just teaches us how to live through pain..."

-Unknown