Hecatomb (n) - a great sacrifice

xXx

“I’m sorry, hyung…” Jongin says to Kyungsoo whose back is turned to him, shoulders that had broadened over the years shaking and fists clenching and unclenching at his sides. He is crying. Kyungsoo is crying and it’s all Jongin’s fault.

“Don’t apologise…you apologising, don’t you know it only makes me feel worse? You made your choice. Do not apologise for it…” Kyungsoo says softly, berating even and his voice is causing Jongin’s throat to constrict. Even more so when he finally turns around but it’s much worse. It’s worse because Jongin’s heart breaks at the sight of the puffy, red eyes, flushed cheeks and the tear stained face of despair that greets him and he knows, he knows that he will never be able to forget it.

“…I thought I told you to always stay firm and be proud of the choices you make…” Kyungsoo steps closer to him, a miserable smile on his face. “…do not waver, Nini. Never waver…people can take advantage of that.” He adds, hands finding its way to Jongin’s cheeks and thumbs wiping away the tears that begins leaking out of his eyes. Even in a circumstance like this where Kyungsoo is the victim, he still puts Jongin before himself like he always has and for once, the tanned male does not find it endearing; he does not find it heart-warming; he does not find it charming or captivating. Instead, it leaves a twisting feeling in his stomach because Kyungsoo does not deserve this. Kyungsoo does not need to be this understanding; this selfless. Although his physical changed over the years, his personality did not and at this moment it kills Jongin. It pains him and his body begins shaking with a sob threatening to spill through his trembling lips as he buries his face in the hands caressing it and the smaller male only frowns, fingers catching every tear that slips past his lids. Jongin cannot do as Kyungsoo says. He cannot and will never be proud of his choice but it is the only one he has. It is the only one he was given in order to keep Kyungsoo from getting hurt even more; to keep EXO from getting hurt. If only he hadn’t done what he did. If only he hadn’t slipped up, but he did and he must live with that regret.

“I’ll be fine, you know…I’m not that weak and I’m not that selfish. I understand everything, Nini…so it’s okay…” Kyungsoo comforts but Jongin knows that nothing is okay and it will never be for a long, long time and he also knows that the elder knows it too. Right now however, he wishes that Kyungsoo, for once, will be selfish. He wishes that Kyungsoo will fight this; will fight for them; for him but he also knows that the stakes are dangerously and extremely high. Their future, EXO’s future is at risk.

His dating scandal with Krystal had only been to cover up the relationship that he and Kyungsoo are engaged in; to hide it; to avert the public’s eye away from digging into it because although they had supporters, the backlash would still be great should the public find out. Not only the both of them would get the short end of the stick but EXO as well and he’d go as far as to say even the company. He’d slipped up on stage last year and called Kyungsoo the special name he’d had for him; ‘jagi’ which obviously the fans had noticed although he’d prayed that they didn’t. Since then, there had been more digging than usual and ‘KaDi’ as the fans termed them were in danger of being exposed so he’d agreed when SM proposed the idea of a dating scandal although he knew SM was only trying to protect the company’s image mostly. He’d agreed without consulting Kyungsoo because he didn’t need to. He knew the older well enough to know that he’d make the same decision had he been in Jongin’s shoes; that he’d understand. He’d agreed and days after when Kyungsoo found out from the Dispatch article, because Jongin was too afraid and wasn’t sure how to approach the topic, the elder patted him on the back and told him he’d made the right choice even while that hand on his back had been trembling; even while the smaller male looked like he’d been slapped in the face; even while he watched a little of the light die from Kyungsoo’s eyes that had been washed with tears. Just like Kyungsoo, Jongin lied through his teeth about being fine as he told the smaller male that he knew he made the right choice while those same words strangled and haunted him. It had still hurt them both even if it was done with their best interest in mind.

Even now, Jongin knows that Kyungsoo completely understands the situation. He knows, even now, that Kyungsoo would make the same decision he is making and the reasons for that are simple. They both know the importance of protecting the family they found in EXO; the importance of not letting all their hard work go to waste; the importance of not losing their dreams; the importance of sacrifice even if that sacrifice is their love. EXO is their foundation, EXO is their being and to give that up, to ruin it for themselves, to ruin it for their hard working members will be too unfair, too extreme. He tries hard to convince himself that what he is doing is right, he really does although there are warning bells and red lights going off in his head telling him that he’s making the biggest mistake of his life. He honestly believes he is.

Him and Kyungsoo’s relationship had survived his dating scandal. Although i