one of these nights

seulgi | jongin

[ SMS : Nini ] Seul, you free tonight? Let’s eat dinner.

A sigh escaped Seulgi’s lips as she stared at the message displayed on her phone, the handful of a mobile emitting a small light that came in contrast to the dimness of the SM Entertainment’s rooftop. It was mid-May, and summer was fast approaching. The weather was just perfect for her—and his—favorite place in the building.

[ Recipient : Nini ] We’re practicing until midnight, maybe next time? Sorry, Nini.

She replies another excuse, as she has been doing so since the past month. A night-out with friends, schedules, a sick day…she was running out of words to keep herself from meeting Jongin ever since the news broke out. She was his best friend, but he’s kept it from her all along.

“So, is Red Velvet practicing on the rooftop now?”

 The familiar amused voice had her taken aback from all her thoughts, and she turns to face him—he’s probably figured all the deliberate avoiding out.

“Nini—“

“You actually didn’t have any schedules for practice today, right? I asked the staff, and even had Suho-hyung confirm it with Irene-noona through sms.”

She gulps at the loss of words as Jongin takes the space next to her, and Seulgi knows that it’s not only because she can sense a little confrontation happening, but also just because it’s been the closest that she stood next to her best friend since the past month.

And this was why she was avoiding this—Jongin always made her heart beat a little faster whenever he’s close, and he still does at the moment, even while clad on house clothes and hair still damp from the shower, presumably after practicing.

“I’m sorry, it’s just that I’ve been honestly very busy lately—“

“Too busy that you have no time to see your best friend even just for a few minutes?”

Seulgi felt his gaze towards her direction, and yet she couldn’t even dare to look back to those eyes. No matter how much she’d look onto it, shutting Jongin out was selfish. But was she ready to tell him her own reasons when she knew it could take a toll to their own relationship?

She felt like melting the moment she finally raised her head to look up at him. It always felt that way since years back, when Jongin first held her hand on the way home after training.

 “Please don’t be mad, I was actually planning to meet you eventually…”

“It’s about me not telling you myself, right Seul?”

A deafening silence follows after and consumes the both of them, two pairs of orbs turning away from each other’s gaze. Dismay was written all over Jongin’s face, and Seulgi felt remorseful for causing such sight, but she knew she had to be honest with him, just as she would want him to be, with her. It’s now or never.

“I know you’re mad about me avoiding you, but I also felt hurt, Nini. I’m your best friend, and yet the news portals got me knowing faster than you would. Well, it was an awesome April Fools to know that you finally have a special someone after so long.”

 Jongin felt a lump seemingly stuck on his throat at her words. Reaching out, he squeezes Seulgi’s hand with his own—he felt equally regretful for hurting his best friend, even if he knew that keeping it from her for a while was for the best.

“Soojung and I wanted to keep it a secret for a while, so we made a deal—“

“Even when all of the boys already know about it? I’m not naïve, Jongin. Do you honestly think I’m not capable of keeping your secrets and…protecting you?”

Seulgi pulls away from Jongin’s grasp, tears threatening to fall from the sides of her eyes even as she tried to hold it in. She didn’t want him to see her cry—she didn’t want the person she loves to see her cry, just because of his own happiness.

“You know I’ll never think of you that way, Seul. It’s just that…”

Jongin stops when he sees the first tear falling out of Seulgi’s beautiful face, and at that moment, he knew that she knew where the confrontation was going to lead. They both knew each other all too well, sharing a decade of ups and downs through difficulties and little victories, and even a young love that eventually died down.  Jongin knew her with the back of his hand, and Seulgi knew him the same way—they’ve been too predictable to each other and today was no exception.

“You didn’t want me to know because you thought I’d be hurt, right?”

Jongin looks away as Seulgi struggles to wipe the tears that started to roll one by one down her face, the guilt drilling a hole in his gut. When he planned not to tell her, it was because he didn’t want to see her hurt while his own love life progressed. But the sight in front of him only made him regret of not telling Seulgi in the first place. Even when he knew that this was inevitable.

“Seul…I’m sorry. Please don’t cry.”

Those two words…

His warm thumbs attempted to wipe her tears away, but Seulgi only pushed away. She was in pain, but Seulgi never wanted Jongin sorry just for being happy—and for some reason, she felt angry at him for thinking otherwise.

“Nini, do you honestly think I’d be holding you back from being with other people?”

“It’s just that…we broke it off in the middle of EXO’s peak, because we agreed that I was losing time for us. And now that I’ve managed…look, I’m so sorry for ruining all our plans way back.”

Those plans. To always love and stay strong, even when schedules were demanding. To still love each other, as they start to reach their dreams of being idols.

“But sometimes, plans don’t always go the way they should be. Maybe we grow apart, and we change. Maybe we just find other people along the way. The possibilities are endless, Jongin. And the two of us aren’t exceptions.”

Even when she was hurting, Jongin knew that she still decided to put him first. Seulgi has always been that way, as a best friend, and for a time, as a lover. Her selflessness was one of the things he was always grateful for, but he also found it to be something that always compromised her own feelings. At the spur of the moment, he wanted that selflessness to go away—he only wanted to listen to what she really felt.

“I’m still…so sorry for hurting you even when I never wanted to. I hope that this doesn’t affect us as the best of friends.”

 “You want to know the truth?”

Her heart was beating so fast, but she knew she had to save their friendship in one way or another, even if she had to lie.

“The truth is…I may have been hurt, but I’m happy for you. But Nini, you should remember that you are my best friend above all else, and I will always, always put your happiness first. So don’t ever be sorry for that. Please.”

I also wanted to tell you that I love you still, but you don’t have to know about that any more.

Seulgi felt Jongin’s body close to her own as he enveloped her in his warm embrace. I wish I could tell you how much I wanted to stay in your embrace.

“You’re not mad at me anymore, right? Please don’t be, Seul.” Seulgi feels Jongin mumble through her hair, his nose gently brushing by her temple.

“Why would I be?” You know I can never be mad at you.

“Thank you. You’re really happy for me, right?”

“One hundred percent happy for you.” I wish that I’m still that person, but I hope that she will always make you happy.

“….promise me you’ll always be my best friend.”

Jongin’s embrace tightens a little more, and Seulgi bites back the tears that there are left. You will always be my bestfriend and my soulmate, Jongin.

“Always, Nini. Always.”

“Thank you, Seul.”

I love you, Nini.