Waking up every day knowing that there is no one there you can call ‘mom’, no one there you can call ‘dad’, was not even that bad, given the fact there was no place out there he could call ‘home’. There never was one, so the feeling was foreign to him. Doyoung was alone since he was born, no one wanted him, and everyone threw him away. Loneliness was an old friend, keeping him warm in the winter, reminding him of how no one will want him. How no one ever does. Because when you’re already fourteen and with no family that wants to take you in, chances are, you’re never going to have one either.

The cold nights of December were always there to keep him alive when he wanted to end it all. Doyoung always liked winter, loved to look at the snow falling from the sky, making even the most miserable of nights exquisite, even the coldness of the day warm, because when you only see white, the pureness of the world, small flakes sparkling in the distance, near you, you feel like maybe life is worth living. Silver and gold lights glittering in the night, innocent children playing outside, him looking from afar, when a little light ray fell upon the patch of snow at his window frame, maybe then he could see that this world is indeed beautiful.

At fifteen he finally found himself a part time job in a café, even if it was hard and they were a bit reticent to hire him, he somehow managed to get it. It wasn’t hard to go, the shifts were pretty much alright and he wasn’t really alone. Every shift had two workers, therefore, he managed to make some friends, but he still felt alone.

He felt a bit like home whenever he looked at the snow, something inside of him felt warm when he saw snow, made him calm. Maybe it was because even if snow always melted away, as soon as it touched the earth, and yet it never stopped falling, pilling itself up until the earth could no longer melt it. Doyoung saw the white blanket each time he woke up and each time he went to sleep, Doyoung loved the pureness of it because he thought for a moment that if the snow never gave up falling down on earth, even if it meant that it would melt each time, then he too can build up his hopes, dreaming of a time when he will have a home, when he will have a family.

The bell rang on the door, and a young boy came in, holding the door for a girl. Doyoung looked at them, and when they were closer to him he smiled and welcomed them in. Inviting them to take a place at a table, giving them the menus, and going back to his place at the counter. He observed the two, waiting for a sign to take their order. A boy not younger than him, with a girl that resembled him. Both had black hair, and when they smiled, laughing at something, Doyoung felt drawn to them, something made him want to go there and talk. For the first time he wanted to befriend someone out of his own will. Then the boy raised his head from the table to search for Doyoung and giving him a small nod he went there.

“May I take your order?” Doyoung said softly, taking out his 2 inches notebook and his pen.

“Ah, yes,” The girl said taking the menu in hand and checking her order once more, “One ‘Lady Gray’ and two forest berry pancakes.”

“And a ‘Jasmine Tea’ for me, with a pack of ‘liquorice allsorts’.” The boy said, not once breaking eye contact with Doyoung, watching closely every time the boy wrote something down.

“It will take about 5 to 7 minutes for the tea to be done, so I will bring you your sweets right away.” Doyoung said before smiling at them once more and turning around on his heel to make for the counter.

Doyoung came back in no less than a minute with their sweets and nicely placed the bowl of candy and the plate with the pancakes on the table before bowing a little and going back to his place to make the tea. He was picking up the powders, while the water was warming up, when the other worker from today suddenly said something, but he didn’t hear it.

“What did you do?” she said, repeating herself.

“Hmm?” Doyoung said turning around and placing the boxes with the powders down, “What do you mean?”

“The boy at table 7 keeps looking this way. Did you take his order wrong or something?” she asked further, laughing a bit at him.

“Maybe he is checking you out,” Doyoung said, trying to sound indifferent, when he was also sensing the eyes on him. The boy was literally glaring holes in him, and Doyoung felt like if he stared back he might see inside his soul.

“I’m pretty sure it’s you who’s he’s checking out.” She said smiling, before she went to another table to take another order.

While he waited for the tea to warm up together with the spices, Doyoung tried to look back at the boy who was facing him and seemed to be doing so ever since they got inside. Saying he was uncomfortable would be an understatement. Even if he was looking right back at him, the boy wouldn’t stop staring, he even smiled after a while and Doyoung felt even more drawn in. He wanted to go there, he wanted to ask him why he was staring but his experience said that he wouldn’t see the boy again anyway, so why should he bother?

He took the pancakes and the pack of ‘liquorice allsorts’ and placed them both in their respective plates, sprinkling forest berry syrup and taking a small bowl to pour out the sweets for the boy. Thinking a bit now, he also likes these types of sweets, even if he never got to eat them a lot, and he also liked ‘Jasmine Tea’ but all these might be just coincidences and he shouldn’t jump to conclusions.

“Here are your sweets,” Doyoung said as he went to their table and placed the plate in front of the girl and the bowl in front of the boy. “The tea will be ready soon.”

“Thank you,” the boy said softly, breaking eye contact for the first time since Doyoung sensed the stare on his back. “Doyoung.” He went on, and for a moment Doyoung thought he was hearing things, because this boy had no way of knowing who he was but then he remembered he was at work and he had a name tag on his right pocket next to his heart.

“You’re welcome.” Doyoung said, smiling just as he was thought he should smile before turning to go back to his place and check for the tea.

After the tea was done, he poured it into two identical cups and teapots, took a plate and placed the pots there. He raised them up and even when he turned his back to the boy, he was still sensing the eyes on him, and he was pretty sure they never left. He turned back and taking some napkins and teaspoons, he was headed for the table.

“Here you have your tea,” He said placing one teapot down, “One ‘Lady Gray’ for you,” he went on, placing the teapot in front of the girl, “and one ‘Jasmine Tea’ for you” he added, placing the last teapot in front of the boy. Then he continued to place the teaspoons and the napkins next to them. “Please enjoy.”

“Doyoung,” The boy said and Doyoung was starting to think this won’t be a onetime thing, but he still denied all the sings, “Can I get some more sugar? The one on the table won’t be enough.”

“Sure thing, right away.” Doyoung replied, thinking that there was more than enough sugar on the table, but maybe the boy had a sweeter tooth that he expected.

Doyoung came back with the sugar, placed it down and let them talk, even if the more distance he put between him and the boy it only seemed to drag him back to that table. His eyes searched for him and even as he served other customers he would always make sure to check table number 7 and make sure he saw the boy. Sitting at the counter he could take a better look at him, his black locks fell on his forehead, when he smiled his eyes didn’t turn to crescents, they were open wide for him to see the glimmer in them, to see his happiness. From time to time, the girl would say something and make him laugh and Doyoung got lucky enough to be close and hear that, and for a moment there he didn’t know if it was the girl’s laugh he liked or the boy’s laugh that made him smile and feel warm inside.

After about three hours the boy finally beckoned for Doyoung to come and asked for their note. He came back with the receipt and left to let them place the money inside the small brown cover. Then as he was serving another table someone came from the back and touching his shoulder lightly said,

“Doyoung,” the boy spoke again and by now, Doyoung wanted him to keep saying his name because something about it made it sound better than anything. “Thank you for the tea, I’ll come back.”

“That’s what I do,” Doyoung said and only then he realized that the boy promised something and he almost missed it, “I’ll wait for you to come back, then.” Doyoung said before the boy could leave his side and for a moment there he didn’t know what those words really meant.

Saying that Doyoung waited every day for that door to open and the boy from two weeks ago to step in and order tea again would be an understatement. It was almost Christmas and his foster family threw him away, again. He wasn’t wanted again, and he didn’t know what he did wrong. Christmas closing in wasn’t going to help him either, because who would want something everyone threw away on Christmas? By now the only hope he had was to see the boy again, to hear his laugh and see his smile, just so that he could feel home again. He didn’t know when he began to long for his laugh, when his smile warmed him up inside, but he was pretty sure snow won’t be the only thing to remember him of the feeling of home. He longed for the boy to come in, to hear his name being said again by those lips, by that voice. He wanted to see those dark locks again, but the more he thought about it the worse it felt. ‘I’ll come back’ was a promise with no time reference, that ‘will’ didn’t mean any near future, it wasn’t anything certain, it was no assurance, it was a ‘will’ that might never happen.

Building up his hopes was something he liked to do and yet, now he felt like not even snow could build up more than him. He was hoping for the impossible, he was hoping for something he didn’t knew he needed but a small part of him wanted the new family he was placed under would finally be his last. He wanted this to be his last house to stay because he was tired of moving out, he was tired of meeting new families that promised they would treat him well and keep him when all they did was throw him away in the end. He was tired of fake people and false hope, he was tired of living, and he thought this would keep going and yet, when he looked at the snow, falling outside, smoothly and slowly, he would close his eyes and dream of a better day, a better week, a better life.

He dreamt of a life where he had a mother who loved him, a father whom he could go out camping, maybe a little brother to play with, help him with homework, have a dog or a cat to play with when he was alone at home, a dog to play out in the snow, like other kids use to do. That used to be his dream, but now that dream changes, little by little, his dreams focus on things he never imagined before. He dreams of a day where he sits in front of the fireplace, on a cold December night, with someone who makes him feel like home, someone he can hear laughing and make his day better, someone whose smile will melt all his worries away, someone with a certain black hair and no eye-smile. He dreamt of a week where he could go Christmas shopping and buy all the decorations and lights he liked, go back home and make that tree the prettiest he ever saw. He dreamt of a year were he would be living a normal life, with no house to move each day, the same family for the rest of his life.

“What are you thinking so deeply about?” his co-worker asked, “You’re zooning out a lot lately.”

“No, nothing. It’s nothing.” Doyoung said, picking himself up and trying to make it look natural, when it couldn’t be more obvious.

“He will come back.” She said, and Doyoung almost flinched. “He’s going to come back.”

“You don’t know that.” Doyoung replied, giving her a bitter smile.

“I know you don’t like to let people to get to know you, and I know you don’t like to talk with others, but this I am sure of. He will come back.” She said giving him a small smile, something that should have assured him, but it only built up more hopes and he was starting to hope for things bigger than him.

“Yeah…” Doyoung said, because really he had no idea how to reply to that. He didn’t know when he started to be so obvious about his feelings. He used to know how to hide everything, how to lie to himself that a better time will come, he knew how to talk with people so they won’t come back asking for anything, but this time it was different. He was building up dreams, he wished for that boy to come walking in and make it that his hopes were not in vain, that he wasn’t alone in this.

She walked away with a small smile and another reassurance that he didn’t need. He should stop building his hopes, he should stop this, but he couldn’t. Or maybe deep down, he knew he shouldn’t.

Christmas came faster than he imagined, it was already 22^nd of December. His shift would be finished soon, and yet, he was looking out the window, watching how once again the snow stopped falling, he wanted it to snow for Christmas, he wanted to be able to sit in his room and look out the window. He liked to observe how everyone was happy, how they all seemed to be enjoying this, how Christmas meant joy for everyone, how this celebration was for everyone to be happy, to spend it with their families, their loved ones. Christmas would come again, to remind him once more, that he was alone. Christmas might be something happy for most people, but not to him. Christmas didn’t mean joy, it was a reminder of how lonely he really was.

He got up from his seat at the window to go and change, he was the last one today, he had to close the shop and leave, when all of a sudden, the bell on the door jingled and someone came in. Doyoung his heel to tell them it was closed but as his eyes landed on dark silver grey hair, on a young man standing in the doorway, with his hands in his pockets of a black winter coat, his chin covered by his blue scarf. Doyoung’s eyes turned so big he thought they would pop out, he was ready to slap himself because he thought he was dreaming this. But he wasn’t, the boy was there, right in front of him, smiling at him with all his might.

“Doyoung –” the boy said but couldn’t finish his sentence because Doyoung was in front of him in an instant, taking him in his arms, circling them around his cold shoulders and with his right hand touching his grey locks, just to know this isn’t a dream.

“You came back.” Doyoung said and he still thought this was a dream, that he fell asleep next to the window. But it wasn’t, this was real, this was happening. The smiling boy was here in his arms, and he felt complete.

“If I knew you would welcome me like this I would have come faster.” The boy said, chuckling a bit, but returning the hug and welcoming his warmth, letting his freezing embrace mix with his warm one and make it feel like they finally did the right thing.

“Sorry.” Doyoung said once he broke the hug and finally regained some sense of himself. “I thought it was a dream.”

“I did say I will come back.” The boy replied, taking a step back so he could take off his scarf and his coat. “You thought I was lying?”

“No…” Doyoung replied to his question, but it was barely a whisper, maybe the boy didn’t even hear it. “Let’s get you seated first.” He went on, trying to change the subject, something to take his mind away from his thoughts.

The boy followed him to a table, somewhere in a corner, where Doyoung liked to stay, close to the window, allowing him see the snow from outside. He took off his coat and put down to the chair next to him, placing his scarf over it too. Doyoung couldn’t really get to do something more because he felt the same pair of eyes from three weeks ago on him again. This time he didn’t try to avoid them, turning his head and locking their stare.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Doyoung asked, once he came back with the ‘Jasmine Tea’ the boy ordered again. “Am I doing something wrong?”

“You remind me of someone,” the boy said, and taking the cup between his hands to warm himself up, he went on, “I saw you before, but I never came in, or I would pass by you on the street sometimes, but you never noticed me either.”

“Oh…” Doyoung said, as he asked for permission to sit down in front of him, and the boy nodded, “I’m sorry, but there are a lot of things that are giving me a hard time lately. I’m sorry for not noticing you.”

“Taeil,” the boy said, “That’s my name.”

“Taeil…” Doyoung repeated and the name somehow was familiar to him. “Nice to meet you.” Doyoung went on, giving him a smile, one that was a genuine one for once.

“Likewise.” Taeil said, and yet something made Doyoung feel like this friendship was going to be different. Something felt different and it wasn’t just the fact that Doyoung thought the boy’s smile could melt the winter away and make flowers bloom.

Doyoung brought himself the same tea flavor as Taeil, after all he liked that too. They sat in silence, but it wasn’t uncomfortable, Doyoung felt at peace, and Taeil seemed to be enjoying himself also. They were both looking out the window. Somewhere along the way snow started to fall once more, and Doyoung began smiling as he stared at it, almost as if he was counting the snowflakes.

“It seems like you really like snow,” Taeil said, sipping from his tea.

“Yes, I think it’s beautiful.” Doyoung said not breaking eye contact with the outside view.

“I prefer spring, but I think I can reconsider.” Taeil said, a small smile creeping on his face and Doyoung almost missed the hint.

“Snowing makes me feel like home.” Doyoung said and he didn’t know why he was suddenly so open to a stranger, “It makes me calm.”

“Are you from somewhere up north?” Taeil questioned, but something told him it was something else, home wasn’t really a fixed place. The home he was talking about was no house or country.

“No,” Doyoung said, “I don’t know.” He went on and maybe this was the first time he realized it. He never knew where he was born, the only thing he remembers is the house he was staying with the other kids when he was like five or six years old.

“Hmm. So you don’t really know where you’re coming from?” Taeil asked and for a moment he started to think he was rude but then he saw the way Doyoung smiled at that and he regretted asking.

“I never had a home. I don’t have a family.” Doyoung replied to that and let his head turn back to the window, focusing on a snowflake that seemed to fall slower than the rest.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.” Taeil said, placing the cup down and trying to take his hand in his he made Doyoung turn his head and smile at him, the same bitter smile he always had, the one that made people pity him when he wanted none.

“It’s okay. Maybe the family I’m getting this time will be my last.” Doyoung said, tightening the grip on Taeil’ hand. “Don’t be sorry, you didn’t know. You can ask. It’s not like it’s a secret.”

“When are you going to meet your new family?” Taeil asked, still holding his hand.

“Tomorrow,” Doyoung replied, laughing, but he didn’t know why. “I will ruin their Christmas.”

“I’m sure it won’t be like that.” Taeil said, and then with a smile he went on, “Let me tell you a secret. Our family is also in this program with foster kids, and we are going to get someone new tomorrow.”

“I hope you will get someone good,” Doyoung said, taking his hand away from Taeil’s grip. “Who knows, maybe they will be part of your family for real.”

“My parents said it’s a boy.” Taeil stated matter-of-factly, and Doyoung didn’t know what to expect by now, “They said they saw a picture and he has a slight shade of orange in his hair.”

“Wow, he better not be a delinquent.” Doyoung chuckled, “I used the have orange hair once.” Doyoung said, and completely missed the hint again. He was more attentive than this, he was never missing hints.

“I’m sure he’s not one.” Taeil said, almost too certain of his words, but Doyoung missed them, because he was now focused on his beating heart that seemed to pick up a pace, his hand that somehow wanted to touch the boy, and his eyes focused a bit too much on the said boy face.

They sat in silence for a while again, Taeil sipping on his tea, Doyoung stealing glances at him from across the table. It was nice, and yet the feeling of attraction didn’t seem to go away. Doyoung felt like he was being pulled towards him, with each touch of their fingers his whole body felt like it was electrified, sending shocks of warmth to his spine and feeling it with his entire being.

There was something off about this whole situation, but Taeil didn’t seem to sense what it was and neither did Doyoung. They just sat there, watching how snow fell outside, how lights danced along with the snowflakes and soon enough the carols played in the background. It wasn’t strange, or new, it was calm, and comfortable.

⚜⚜⚜

Feeling the life leaving the body of your loved one, waking up with the voice of that special someone asking for you to move on and stop this pain, to stop this madness and end it all. Hearing it in your head that you can join him and you will be reunited again in what these mundane individuals call ‘heaven’, sounded like a good idea at some point.  Suddenly realizing you’re alone in this big world, with no one there you can call ‘friend’, with no one there you have to return to, made him only more aware of the fact that he was indeed, the last one surviving this war.

The rough years that followed only reminded him that he had no home to return to, no king to serve and love anymore. There was no one there to welcome him, to take him in his embrace and make all the bad thoughts go away. He wanted and obsessed over the idea of getting him back, of meeting him again, that nothing else mattered.

Jaehyun had to live everyday with the memory of his loved ones dying in front of him. He had to live through the days waiting, because he was too weak to end it, because he didn’t had the heart to join them and stop more people from getting hurt. He didn’t care about the souls of those he took, he didn’t care about how he managed to keep himself alive all these years. There was no going back now, because he did the unthinkable only to be able to see Taeyong again. He didn’t pay the price to his spell, the others did; will.

He was selfish, reckless; he was too young, too heartbroken and he thought that meant he was allowed to make mistakes like this, that he was allowed to be selfish just this time. He didn’t think it through and frankly he didn’t want to think about it either, because if he did it then, maybe now he wouldn’t be waking up, with Taeyong in his arms, soft breathing on his chest, silver locks gracefully sprawled over his shoulder, body pressed close to his and limbs tangled together under the warm blanket that shielded them from the world, made him think for a moment that what he did was worth it. Closing his eyes and kissing Taeyong in his sleep made him forget again, each and every time he was with Taeyong he forgot about his past, about his horrible actions. But for the guarantee that Taeyong would forgive them all he could go on another day.

But even like this, he knew it will end soon. His happiness won’t last, because nothing lasts in his world, because everything he ever had was limited, everything he had was taken away from him. Why would now be different? Why would he get a chance at happiness and get the right to keep it forever? Maybe if he told himself over and over again that he will get to grow old with Taeyong, that they can marry and keep Mark as their own, or maybe they could adopt someone else, someone that they can grow and love and be their baby forever. He kept thinking that he could have a family with Taeyong and that he will be happy with him until they are old grandpas in wheelchairs, that sleep together holding hands while watching a bleeding sunset; just like when they were young and beautiful.  Maybe if he told himself enough he would wake up from this dream, but right now, he wanted it all to be true. He needed this dream to be true.

He finally saw the hints, it was about time to see what everything meant and it was about time to finally remember what he did. Jaehyun casted the spell, in order to keep himself alive, in order to be able to meet Taeyong, but as always, when you are given the wish you long for, there is no need for reading the warnings. He thought he cast a spell on himself, when in fact he casted a spell on the entire kingdom, with his own rashness he doomed everyone for eternity. There was a small corner on that book he found that allowed him to do this madness, there was a small warning he had read once and ignored forever, because he didn’t care as long as he got Taeyong.

‘What is given, will expire. What is casted, will fade. What you take, must be put back. The time will rewind and it will be as it should. The past is the past and it must not interfere with those from the future.’

“Tae,” Jaehyun said, snuggling Taeyong close, “I have to go to work.”

“Stay with me.” Taeyong replied, not really wanting to open his eyes, not really wanting Jaehyun to leave him in the coldness of the morning.

“I can’t, love, you know.” Jaehyun said trying to untangle himself from Taeyong’s grip. “I’ll be back by noon, you can sleep some more.” He added kissing his forehead and leaving the bed, covering Taeyong back and patting the cover with a smile.

It didn’t take more than five minutes for Taeyong and he was sound asleep again. Jaehyun loved this calmness, loved waking up almost every day with Taeyong in his arms, loved falling asleep while talking on the phone, because Taeyong had to go home too, loved waking up on days they had off, cooking breakfast together, snuggling over a warm cup of tea next to the fireplace. Talking about nothing at all, keeping each other warm. It was as if they were making up for the lost time they were apart, for the time where they had responsibilities bigger than them, for the time where Taeyong had a kingdom to rule and no time for love or heartbreak.

October went by in a flash, the browns, yellows and reds were replaced by blue, white and silver. Cold shower rains where full on blizzards that left you frozen in place, wind biting your skin and making it feel like the temperatures were below zero. Nights grew longer, days went by slowly and before they knew it Christmas was closing in on them.

They went on with their lives, Taeyong working at the café, everyone else pacing up with the time, catching up with Taeyong, sometimes reminiscing memories from the past. Hansol joined them too, it didn’t seem like he knew about them, or if he knew he denied it anyway, thinking probably it was just a game they were playing. But Jaehyun knew, deep down he knew, Hansol was afraid of losing Yuta, just like Yuta was afraid of losing him. Their stares lingered more, their touches more gentle, but Jaehyun had no time to think about Yuta or Hansol, had no time to worry over the fact that he was, in fact, running out of time. Yuta was wrong to fall in love with someone like Hansol, Yuta was wrong to love someone he shouldn’t have but Yuta wasn’t at fault for it, Jaehyun was. It wasn’t his fault for loving the boy, Jaehyun kept saying, it wasn’t his fault for loving someone. But Jaehyun wouldn’t admit his mistake either, because he was selfish, reckless, and stubborn. He refused to believe the truth.

He sensed something was wrong, he sensed that each time he was with Taeyong something seemed to fade away. He couldn’t remember certain moments in time, he would wake up in the middle of the night, having no memory of falling asleep, having no memory of where he was or how he got there. He was lucky these episodes happened when Taeyong wasn’t around, because frankly, he had no idea how to explain them. What was happening? Why was he losing it? Because you don’t play with your lifespan and end up winning.

“Are you okay?” someone said, moving their hands in front of Jaehyun at a fast pace. “You’re staring blankly into space.”

“Yeah, sorry,” Jaehyun said, turning towards the voice, it was Yuta. “It’s work, I’m more tired lately.”

Jaehyun was so much worse that last month. His magic was fading, his power was way too weak now that he couldn’t even move simple objects, let alone clean his house with magic. His body felt tired, he always wanted to sleep. Even Taeyong was worried by now, but as usual, he shoved it off, lied to himself it was just a cold, nothing more. But in fact Jaehyun knew all too well what this was, because it happened in the past, and it was coming back. Only that it was stronger now. Much more powerful and he knew this time he won’t find any way of cheating, because he finally ran out of options.

“Don’t overdo it.” Yuta said, sitting down next to him and flashing him one of his kind smiles. “We need our magician to keep us together.”

“What…?” Jaehyun said, his eyes big. There was no way Yuta knew, there was no way, because he was the only one aware that there was a warning. No one should be able to know about that, because when he casted the spell he was all alone. The temple was abandoned, the book was too dusted for someone to have used it before. When he casted the spell 900 years ago, they were all long dead, buried deep underground, their skeletons welcoming the dirt as a blanket to shield their dead bones from the world.

“Everyone pretty much saw the signs,” Yuta replied, looking around the café and spotting Hansol in a corner, talking with Johnny. He smiled almost sadly, “or more like, everyone waits for the time when you tell us.” Yuta said, letting his head fall down, his long strands of hair covering his eyes that seemed to be closed.

“What do you mean by signs?” Jaehyun asked, much more confused and yet, worry was all too present in his voice. “You shouldn’t be affected.”

“But we are.” Yuta replied, not raising his head, his smile fading away as he went on, “Doyoung has strange nosebleeds in the mornings. Ten almost fainted two days ago, and my nightmares came back.”

“I –” Jaehyun began but didn’t know what he wanted to say. He too had problems, but his were a lot worse than these. Nightmares were his friends that kept him alive when the winter was too strong, the nosebleeds stopped after the first hundred years of searching for Taeyong and forgetting that he had to sleep, and fainting was close behind in the next decade, because food was not something he was fond of when there was no one there to eat it with. But he managed to keep himself alive, and he managed to cheat time, because he did what he shouldn’t. Dark magic, magic that can take away someone’s life span and make it yours; soul eating magic.

“It’s not your fault,” Yuta said, sensing that Jaehyun wanted to apologize, sensing that glint of worry in his words, “No one is blaming you, because you gave us all the chance to be loved once more, to fall in love and find our own happiness.”

“I’m so sorry.” Jaehyun said, turning his head towards Yuta. He was scared, to look him in the eye, he was scared of admitting it, because he denied it for so long, he felt like it was real. “I didn’t mean to.”

“It’s okay.” Yuta replied, placing a small hand on his knee to give him the reassurance he needed, but it wasn’t enough. Yuta’s hand wasn’t warm enough, it wasn’t the safety he needed.

“All I wanted was to see him again.” Jaehyun almost sobbed out, his eyes were gathering tears he didn’t know he wanted to let out. “All I wanted in this life was to have him in my life for eternity.”

“I know.” Yuta replied, taking him in a side hug, letting Jaehyun cry silently. “It’s okay, we are going to be okay.” He tried to assure him, but hearing Jaehyun whine while letting out more tears, Yuta felt his heart drop, because if Jaehyun was already so broken and shaken up, then what would they do?

Jaehyun cried and cried and when he finally stopped and raised his head from Yuta’s chest he was met with pairs of eyes, worried and tired. Everyone was allowed to know, everyone should know. It was time for Jaehyun to accept the truth he tried so hard to forget and hide.

“Taeyong,” Jaehyun rasped out, his voice low and heavy, “I’m so sorry.”

“I forgive you.” Taeyong said without blinking, taking his trembling hand and giving him a squeeze. “I forgive you for everything, so just stop apologizing.”

“Hansol, I –” Jaehyun tried to say looking at him but couldn’t form words again. He felt his eyes water again, he felt his body heavy, he was just so tired, he couldn’t even bring himself to tell them. Because he wasn’t the only one running out of time.

“How much?” Doyoung asked, locking eyes with Jaehyun, “How much time do we have left before the magic expires?”

“You don’t want to know.” Jaehyun said, a sad smile on his face. He didn’t want to know either, but he knew. “You really don’t want to know.”

“Jaehyun,” Taeil said this time, “How much time?”

“Four,” Jaehyun whispered, he was trembling by now. The only thing that kept him from breaking down was the fact that he knew Taeyong wouldn’t blame him. Was the certainty that even after all this suffering he inflicted, all those bad things he did, Taeyong will forgive him.

“Years?” Taeyong asked hopeful. Jaehyun wanted to cry, if only.

“Weeks.”

"Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering." 

A/n: IM SO SORRY FOR UPTDATING AFTER 1 MONTH BUT UNIVERSITY LIFE IS KILLING ME! But I hope this was satisfying and not as rushed as it seemed to me. The Doyoung x Taeil part will come back in the next chapter. So don’t worry about that being too short.

Thank you to everyone who subscribed and thank you for still reading this even if I don’t update as fast as I should!

Feel free to tell me what you think in the comments and hopefully, I will see you soon in the next update!