Kim Won Pil and I grew up together in the same neighborhood. Our parents grew up together and were best friends with each other, so naturally, Won Pil and I became best friends too. I was born three months after he was; his birthday is April 28, 1994 and mine is July 28, 1994. We grew up going everywhere together and doing everything together. We were basically inseparable. The only time we actually were separated was when we had to go back home to sleep. Won Pil’s parents were musicians and singers while my parents were dancers and singers; they were in the same music class together and became friends. As Won Pil and I grew older, our parents began to teach us how to sing, dance, and play music instruments. Won Pil loved playing the piano (like his father) while I loved to dance more (like my parents).

            In elementary school, we made promises to marry each other when we were older. When we played House, I would play the mother and he would play the father while our stuffed animals were our children. As we grew older, we developed deeper feelings for each other and began dating in junior high school. We were so happy together. He would do cute, sweet, and romantic gestures like buying me gifts and having it shipped to my house and showing up at my workplace with juice and bread from my favorite café. At night, we would be talking on the phone and he would sing me to sleep. At one point, I had decided that I would seriously marry this man and have his children. I was so deeply in love with him and I was unable to life without him since he was there since the beginning.

            High school came by and that was when our lives started to get busier. We had to balance school, work, and weekend classes (such as dance, music, Chinese, and English classes). We were also stressed with thinking about what colleges we would want to go to and for which majors. One day, when Won Pil came to pick me up from work, he led us to the local park in our neighborhood to talk. I didn’t think much of it since we would usually come here to the park to talk and hang out when we didn’t feel like going home and separating yet. However, when we sat down on the swings, I could tell that he had a lot on his mind. When he looked up at me, I could see that what he wanted to tell me was not good news. The look of guilt and maybe regret was evident on his face. That was when he confessed to me that he had auditioned for JYP and was accepted to become a trainee; he had already signed a contract with them and would have to drop out of school in order to train under the entertainment label. That night, we agreed to continue with our relationship, even though it would mean that I would be seeing him less and that there would be a chance of us breaking up. However, we were both not ready to give up on each other yet; we were willing to fight for our love.

            A few years later, we both had gotten used to dating secretly away from the public’s eyes. Although many people in our neighborhood knew that were dating, they were willing to help us keep our secret because we were all like family. I was grateful to everyone who kept our secret. When Won Pil debuted with s in a group called Day6, I was super elated. After their debut, Won Pil had brought s back home to meet his family and I was introduced to the members. As time went on, I got closer and friendlier with the members of Day6 and they started to call me Sister-in-law. Although I wasn’t able to be with Won Pil all the time, I was still happy that we were still together. And hey, not everyone can say that they are dating an idol, right?

            When news broke out about Jun Hyuk and his girlfriend, everyone was scared that Won Pil and my relationship would be exposed too. Fortunately, that didn’t happen. However, due to crazy fans, Jun Hyuk was left with no choice but to leave the group. We were all heartbroken that it happened and afterwards, Jun Hyuk and his girlfriend had broken things off. Because Jun Hyuk was a friend of mine, we started to hang out more often and became closer friends. A lot of outsiders thought that Jun Hyuk had gotten a new girlfriend, me, but whenever someone asked, we would tell them the truth that I’m simply a close friend who’s like a sister to him.

            A few months after that, Day6 fans started to follow the group even closer, trying to find out if any other members were dating. Because of this, Won Pil and I were unable to see each other anymore unless he goes home during a break. However, even then, sasaeng fans would follow him home and document his everyday life. The only way I was able to go over to his house without any fans going crazy was if I had gone over with my entire family. Later on, we both decided to break things off. Although we really didn’t want our relationship to end, we had to; we didn’t have a choice. My status as a childhood best friend, girlfriend, and close friend had turned into just a friend, who is like any other fan, who admires and supports an idol from afar. It was unfair to us all that such situations happened.

            After our break up, I was depressed a really long time. Not only did I lose my boyfriend, I lost a great friend. Because of his status as an idol, I wasn’t able to even physically go near him and hang out with him like friends. My family saw how the break up affected me so we all decided to move to a different city so we could all start anew.

            A months after moving to a different neighborhood in a different city, I decided to take part in a dance competition with the new friends I’ve made. As a result, we had won first place. Right after the competition had ended, a recruiter had found me by the bathroom and scouted me. The recruiter had given me a business card and told me to show up on a certain day and time to audition. When I told my parents, they thought it would be a great opportunity for me to make my dreams come true to become a dancer-singer.

That day came and I showed up at the JYP Entertainment building to audition. After my private live audition, I was told that I would be notified within 14 days if I was accepted. Seven days had passed and I had finally been notified that I passed the audition and that a representative would want to meet up with me and my parents to talk about signing a contract with the company. My parents and I went to meet the representative in an office in the JYP building and the contract was signed. I had officially became a trainee of JYP Entertainment.

During my time as a trainee, I had crossed paths with the members of Day6, including Won Pil. At first, they were surprised to see me amongst the other trainees during the monthly evaluations. Won Pil had actually pulled me aside to ask me what I was doing there. Because I knew that we would never be able to get back together again due to our contracts, his group’s past, and fans, I decided to keep our relationship as a sunbae-hoobae relationship. You can say that I was angry at him. If he hadn’t auditioned behind my back, then I wouldn’t have felt betrayed when he was suddenly ripped away from my life. However, I knew that I had to let go of him for his happiness’ sake. I had known that he wanted to become a singer and I supported him; that was why I didn’t hold him back from making his dreams come true. I never forced him to choose between me and his career because I understood how important this was to him. And now, I will be making the same decisions as him. I had to let go of my past in order to focus on my career, which means, I have to forget about him.

Over the years, I was questioned by other trainees about my relationship with Won Pil since he would refuse to keep our relationship as sunbaes and hoobaes. He wanted our friendship to be acknowledged so that we could continue with our relationship, not as significant others, but as friends. One day, Won Pil decided that he had had enough of my childishness and decided to confront me about my unwillingness to be friends with him. That was when I told him everything that I had kept inside of me: the pain, the betrayal, the sadness, the anger, and the loneliness I’ve felt since he told me about being a trainee. We had a long talk about everything and we agreed to slowly work on our relationship and try to see if I would be able to forgive him for his selfishness. It didn’t take long for me to forgive him since he returned to me as the sweet, lovely, and attentive friend he used to be.

A few years later, I was selected to debut in a girl group. Due to our rising fame, the members of Day6 and I had to be careful to not show the public how close our friendship was because to other people, it would seem like I was in an open relationship with all the members; that was how close we were. In professional settings, I would call them my sunbaes and maybe even Oppas, except for Do Woon because he’s younger than me. In casual settings, the members would call me Sister-in-law and Do Woon would sometimes call me Hyung because of my tomboy personality. To others, they would think that the members call me Sister-in-law because I would take care of them like a Sister-in-law (at least that’s how the members explain it to others, even in interviews), but secretly, they do it because of my past with Won Pil. The members would sometimes actually try to help Won Pil to get us back together. Although I’m not at the point in my career to take such a huge risk to getting back with Won Pil, but in my heart (and the members all know this too), he is the one and only man for me.