as promised, a quick update due to my ridiculously long wait last time. also, due to popular request (and me realizing i may need to sort some stuff out on sehun's side before everyone mistakes his actions and starts to dislike him) here is our first ever chapter in sehunnie's pov. let me know if you like it!!

Despite popular belief, Sehun didn’t like feeling like an . And holed up in his room, door locked, buried under his covers, yeah, he felt like an .

Of course, there were multiple things that made it this way. He blamed some of them on Byun Baekhyun because how could he not? And then a few on his parents. Most of them though, he wrote down as his own stupid fault. He was just ed up enough to prefer pushing people away with all of his might as opposed to giving them the chance to leave him or hurt him or eventually just get sick of his antics like his parents had. But he was also not quite ed up enough for it to be obvious. Coupled with his long-practiced mask of indifference and Sehun was set on blocking out the rest of the world.

Which is where Baekhyun came in.

He knew he should apologize. He also knew that it was a low move of him to ditch Baekhyun for whatever his name was. He also also knew that pretending to listen to the stranger obliviously flirting with him was much easier than trying to calm the way his heart tried to climb into his throat every time Baekhyun smiled.

So he did what he did best. Removed himself from the equation. He still regrets ever telling Jongin that he found Baekhyun cute in the first place, because he hadn’t expected Jongin’s response to be “oh, well let me just pull some strings and make you two roommates and completely ignore all of your boundaries and assume you’re fine with it even though your palms have never been this sweaty around someone before!”

Only here he is. Head stuffed in a pillow and trying to swallow down the tang of guilt heavy on his tongue. It’s been a while since he’s done something that actually, really hurt someone. He’s used to people being accustomed to him, and not taking things he says or does personally, writing it off as ‘just his personality.’ Besides, he doesn’t think most people actively care about him enough to be legitimately hurt by anything he does or doesn’t do.

Only Baekhyun’s face had crumbled and Sehun had tried to ignore the anger and hurt until it lashed out at him and that was that. He firmly expected Baekhyun to kick him out and find a new roommate within the day.

He falls asleep, still in his clothes, wondering if his parents would take him back in or if Jongin would make space in his apartment or if they’d ditch him to wander the streets where he belonged. Wondering when he had started to feel bad about pushing people away.

He woke up to the very distinct smell of someone cooking breakfast. For a few minutes he just laid there in his bed, staring at the way light filtered in through the blinds on his window, wanting to paint it across his skin in hope that some of the warmth would fill the anxious hole in his stomach. He heard singing and bit his bottom lip and told himself to just face Baekhyun sooner rather than later. He stood up, back protesting, jeans feeling too tight for being so early, and he debated changing before deciding what was the point when he’d probably be packing and leaving in half and hour anyway.

His hand paused on the door knob before he in a breath, wiping any signs of emotion off of his face as he twisted the knob and stepped out.

Baekhyun’s hair was mussed and when he turned abruptly, his eyes were wide but still a bit groggy from sleep. He was in a too big T-shirt and something about the way it hung almost down to his knees made Sehun’s stomach flutter, but he swallowed the feeling quickly.

They stood there for a few moments, just looking at each other. Baekhyun was standing over the stove, flipping what looked to be pancakes as bacon sizzled in a pan beside him. Sehun noted idly that the serving size was very obviously made for more than one person in mind. The knowledge made the guilt return, and he didn’t know what to do other than stand there and ignore the way he could taste the feeling in the inside of his lips.

Baekhyun spoke first. “Sehun-ah. I, uh, made breakfast for us. It’s almost done.”

Sehun doesn’t know how to respond other than by nodding. He knows Baekhyun can’t tell how he’s feeling and he takes comfort in that. That is, until he catches sight of Baekhyun’s face right before he turns back to the stove. Eyebrows furrowed, lips downturned, eyes squeezed too tight on the sides. He doesn’t know why it makes him say it, but for some reason the words slip from his mouth without his permission.

“I’m sorry.”

When Baekhyun turns around, he looks completely surprised, and Sehun feels something like shame hit him like a wave.

“What?” Baekhyun says dumbly. Sehun’s fingers find each other and he wrings his hands nervously, something he doesn’t remember ever doing in front of someone, not since he was a kid. And that on its own has him even more nervous. Because he doesn’t do this. He doesn’t say stuff like this and he doesn’t put himself in a position where he could be rejected and he sure as doesn’t express emotions without someone prompting them out of him. But somehow, the words had shot of his mouth before he could even realize what was happening. Something about the sad way Baekhyun’s shoulders hunched inwards, the way his eyes made it look like he almost thought the whole thing was his own fault had them spilling out too easily.

“I’m –“ he coughs, suddenly feeling horribly out of place, even though he still hasn’t left the doorway of his bedroom. “I said I’m sorry. For last night.”

Baekhyun’s eyebrows are hidden beneath his bangs. “Sehun, why are you apologizing?  I should be the one apologizing.”

Sehun is surprised by how hard he shakes his head at that. “No. I – it was a move to leave you. I, I don’t know why I did it.” Actually, he does. It’s because sitting in Baekhyun’s presence turns him into a hyperaware mess who wants nothing but to escape from the irritating twist of feelings around his lungs. “It wasn’t right of me.”

“It wasn’t right of me to get so angry at you though.”

“Baekhyun-hyung,” Sehun says, but doesn’t know how to continue. He’s already said so much. Too much. It only adds to the way his heart beats wildly in his chest and he’s been trying so hard to keep everything under wraps but it, he didn’t ever plan on hurting Baekhyun.

“Sehun-ah,” Baekhyun returns simply. He’s forgotten about the pancake that’s still resting on his spatula. His hair’s a mess, and Sehun can see lines on his face from his pillow. There’s a bit of pancake batter clumped in his eyebrow, and he has limp bags under his eyes. Sehun thinks vaguely that he is really very beautiful.

“Just. Just. I said I’m sorry, ok? You don’t have to say it too. Let’s just. Forget about it.”

For some reason, that has Baekhyun’s lips twitching at the sides, until he’s full out smiling, and then laughing, tipping forwards a bit and almost sending his half-cooked pancake to the floor. Sehun crosses his arm and glares. “What?” he asks.

“Nothing, nothing. I just. I didn’t think this is how my morning was gonna start.”

“If it helps, I thought you were gonna kick me out.” Sehun kind of wants to bang his head against the wall. Something about Baekhyun has him saying way too much. It’s dangerous in a way nothing has been for a long time. As long as he can remember.

Baekhyun’s eyebrows shoot up again. “Wah – Sehunnie, I would never kick you out! You’d have to, like, kill someone or something for that to happen,” he says with a short little laugh. Sehun refrains very hard from smiling himself. Baekhyun’s face changes a suddenly though and then he’s plopping his pancake back on the pan and hopping back to his room. Sehun’s confused for a few seconds before he comes back out. Baekhyun’s eyes find Sehun’s before flicking back down, almost embarrassed.

“I – uh. I picked it up. Once you, you know, threw it at me.”

In Baekhyun’s hand is the boy’s – Taehyung, he remembers finally – number, scrawled on the napkin, which is now severely wrinkled and looks a bit stepped on. It’s almost ironic, how little Sehun cares about it versus how secure it had made him feel last night. The shield of pretending to like someone else, flirting with someone else, made him feel more protected, more sure that the feelings in the bottom of his chest wouldn’t leak out and betray him.

In reality, he cared far more about the nervous boy holding out the napkin than whatever was written on it. He took the napkin in his hands, folded it around his fingers once, and then handed it back to Baekhyun.

“I don’t think I want it.”

Sehun doesn’t