When she first met him, she recognized that look and immediately wanted to roll her eyes. She labeled him a "guy friend" and told herself to stop fantasizing about him being an underwear model and she his private photographer. A week later and they somehow became bffs. She still thought it was a shame that he wasn't an underwear model but she felt more relaxed with him. A month passed and  no longer was he tall, dark and y but just plain old James.  Dorky and moody, he was totally different than what she had imagined when she first met him and he'd given her the wtf face.

The more she got to know him the more he started to remind her of...No that would be unfair. She'd made the mistake of trying to replace and even forget him with someone else. That had been a disaster, a precious friendship ruined by her own hand. It's ok, she had told herself, this is different. James was different, he didn't see her as anything more than a younger sibling. Whether brother or sister she wasn't sure. Nothing more. Sometimes she wondered if she liked her so much because he thought of her as an escape from life and responsibility. She tried so hard to seem so carefree like nothing could touch her. After a while her friends saw through her to the hard and brittle Amber. James seemed oblivious though and she loved him for it. It made it easier for her to pretend, as if she wasn't holding on as hard a she could to a ledge of her own making. 

When James had that horrifying accident Amber felt helpless. Again, she thought, I cant do anything. Am I going to lose him too? Amber made sure that when she saw James she wouldn't be crying. She screamed and sobbed into her pillow until there were no more tears to cry out and then she went to see him. Only then. She gave him her support even as she felt her misery trying to engulf her. She hadn't been able to shoulder someone else's life before but she was stronger this time, she was sure she could do it. Through his many ups and downs Amber tried her best to always be there. Not once did she let him see her cry. Crying was a sign of giving up hope. James didn't take it that way. He saw her lack of tears and her reasuring smile as prove of her inabilty to take anything serious. He got angry. Amber saw it everyday, slowly but surely he was starting to hate her, just like him..He'd told her that she was leaving him behind, but in the end it was Amber that had been left behind. His memory was her constant companion and she tried to live her life for both of them, holding on to him like her life depended on it when it was too late and he was gone.

With James though, it seemed like the opposite was happening. The harder she tried to hold on the farther away it seemed he went. Seeing her seemed to make him so angry so instead she texted him and got his closest friends to visit him in her stead. He was gettting out more now and interacting with his friends like he used to, still his anger at her seemed to double. He'd texted her telling her he hated her, that he would prove her wrong for giving up on him. Amber had once told him that sometimes anger is the only think that can keep one going. It seems she was right. This time Amber needed to let go. It's going to be ok, he's strong and stubborn, she told herself. He wont give up and neither will I. 

Amber and James had many mutual friends so even though they were no longer talking Amber was still able to keep tabs on him. When she heard he was going to officially make his comeback as the bass player of the band again Amber knew she couldn't miss it for the world. When he spotted her Amber saw the look of dislike on his face and she smiled at him. He hadn't given up, he was still here. Now Amber had to guys she had to hold on for. Somehow that made it easier.