Another day. Another lonely afternoon.

The kids were all down for their afternoon nap. The other teacher had stepped out for a quick errand leaving time and loneliness on my hand.

I sat all alone on the swing in the nursery playground, watching the white clouds chase each other. A forlorn smile sneaked up to my lips as memories of watching the running clouds with him popped up in my mind.

I tried to stop thinking about him. But the thoughts kept creeping back into my head.

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I had been alone for the most part of my life. Growing up in the orphanage in a remote town, I had learned to live without companionship. After finishing my tertiary education, I found myself a job in Seoul as a preschool teacher.     

I left the life I knew behind to start anew.                                                          

Shortly after moving to Seoul, I had met Hyukjae at the supermarket around the corner of my building, for the first time. Single and without a reason to cook, I reached for the last cup of my favourite Rameyeon on the shelf.  Like a scene out of a movie, another hand reached for it as well.

The blonde smiled at me, gallantly giving up the noodles.  

“Lee Hyukjae.” He had introduced himself offering his hands.

“Summer Yang.” I shook his hands, making him, my first friend in the city.

I extended an invitation to dinner, when we realized we were neighbors. The cup of rameyeon laid abandon as I found inspiration to cook.  Over a simple dinner of spaghetti and store bought chocolate cake, we got to know each other better.

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 He was a dance instructor and taught at a nearby dance school. He mostly taught kids. We found our common interest in working with children.  He was surprised to learn I composed my own music as a hobby.

 “You got to compose a special piece for me one day. Token of friendship.” He stuck a deal after listening to one of the little pieces I played on the violin. “Keep your promise Summer!”

 We developed a friendship that was purely platonic. My life that had been devoid of companionship for a long time blossomed under his affection. We ate, laughed, watched movies and hung out like normal friends did until I realize I was falling for him.

 His kindness in my lonely life was became an addiction. I started craving his attention. I wanted him by my side forever.  I wanted him so badly it hurt.

 But it hurt even worse because I knew I couldn’t have him. Because Hyukjae fell in love with another girl.

 “I am in love Summer!” He crooned one night after a drop too much. “And she is the prettiest girl in the whole wide world. “

 “Do you think she will love me back?” he slurred as I drove back to our apartment block.

 “Of course she will, Hyukkie!” The words pricked me but soothed him.

 That night, the single first crack fell on my heart.

 “Stay away from him! Don’t get hurt!” My heart and mind debated all the time but eventually my heart will win.

I saw him again, I ate with him again, and I laughed with him again. I laid my head on his shoulder and wished I could belong there forever.

But I knew it was not my place to keep.

                                                                                ~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I am making my claim on that piece you owe me!” he strolled into my house one day as I wrote music on my score sheets.

 “I am going to propose to her Summer. “He had shyly admitted. “This Friday. I am going to invite her to dinner and tell her what’s in my heart.”

 “I want a special composition for the special moment.  Who else can I ask but you? “He asked slyly with his signature gummy grin. “Remember your promise?”

 “Who else am I going to compose if not for my best friend? I will have it ready by Thursday.” I promised him with a smile and waited for him to leave before nursing my broken heart.

                                                                                ~~~~~~~~~~~~

 I knew I had to leave before my addiction to him reached a point of no return. I had to leave before my feelings destroyed the friendship between us.

 So once again I decided to leave behind everything in my life and start anew.

I met him on Thursday and provided him with the music I had recorded as promised.

 “I am really nervous Summer. Do you think she will accept me?”  He asked me worriedly.

 “Of course, she will be a Babo if she couldn’t see the goodness of my best friend. “ I offered words of reassurance that tore at my heart like a knife. 

 “You will be home tomorrow right? I will introduce her to you.” His body hummed with excitement.

 “I have somewhere I need to go. I may not be around.” My answer came out as a croak though I tried to sound normal.

 “She will be here at 6, just wait a while. Please please please.” He pleaded and jumped with joy when I agreed. “Keep your promise Summer.”

“I am sorry I am not going to keep my promise Hyukkie.” I apologized to his retreating back.

                                                                                ~~~~~~~~~~~~

 On Friday evening, I packed my meager belongings and locked my house. I left the little potted plant, his gift to me and the note I wrote out to him painstakingly, at his door as I passed it. I knew he was home, I heard the music I had recorded. I heard the additional feminine giggle. I heard the clink of glassware. I knew tonight was the night he became another’s.

 Brushing away the streams of tears on my cheeks I picked up my bags and walked away. A creak made me stop. Did he feel me? Did he feel me leave? One last glance in his direction, I promised myself.

 The door didn’t open.