Soojung wakes up in the darkness again, barely registers she’s been sleeping on Youngji’s bed, they hug each other in their sleep, and Sehun’s body sprawls on the carpet beside the bed. It’s still early in the morning, she needs to be ready for work, but her mind has this urge to see Kim Jongdae right now.

She silently goes out of the bedroom, washing her face briefly and walks toward the front door. Soojung wraps her hands on her body once the morning breeze hits her, her mind tells her to wear a jacket instead of thin cardigan, but Soojung ignores it and her feet strides faster to the next building.

The hallway is still quiet (and creepy). When she finally reaches Jongdae’s front door, her mind turns blank. She is quite sure the password is still the same, but she doesn’t have that much of courage to prove her belief. Soojung quietly sits in front of the door instead, hugging her knees.

She almost lost the battle with sleepiness when the errand boy comes to place two bottles of milk on the door while giving her a curious stare. The boy presses the bell once before resuming his delivery to the next apartment. On the other side, Soojung quickly stands up and grabs the bottles, snatching their warmth for her palm before waiting for the owner with nervous heartbeat.

Jongdae is flabbergasted when opening the door to take the milk and finds Soojung still in her pajama and cardigan standing in front of his door—hair messy and eyes sleepy although he already wears his white shirt.

“Soo-Soojung?”

Soojung gulps down, staring at almost ready to work Jongdae, his white shirt left two buttons undone and his hair still needs to be combed thoroughly. She suddenly gets aware of the cold and makes her body tremble a bit, although there’s suspicion it’s because of seeing him in this kind of state again (she used to helping him to be ready in the morning like this, and Soojung always thinks Jongdae’s dishevel hair and shirt ed are the perfect sight of him).

“The milk,” Through her dry throat, she forces out a strange voice, stretching her arms at him. He comes to the realization as widening the door and accepts the bottles when their hand touches each other.

“God, you’re freezing, Soojung-ah! Come inside,” His eyes light in genuine care as making a motion to let her in. “Have you been outside for long? Why didn’t you just come in? The password is still the same.”

The awkward silence immediately hangs around them once Jongdae’s statement about the same password is slipped. Soojung nails her gaze on the brown tile of his apartment and Jongdae wonders his eyes somewhere, avoiding looking at her.

“Wait here. I’ll take the glass.” He finally breaks the silence, pulling out the chair for her to sit before leaving to the container. When he’s back, not only two glasses he brings but also a piece of honey toast on Soojung’s favorite plate. “A little bit burnt,” He grimaces. “Sorry.”

“Jo-Jongdae Oppa,” But she ignores the treat and collects her courage to find his eyes.

“Yes?” He sounds breathless, staring back at her with those warm eyes and she suddenly realizes she can’t really let him go.

“Oppa, I—we, we need to talk.”

It’s silence again. She can hear the clock makes an obnoxious voice behind, as if reminding her that he needs to go to work early in the morning. But they hold their gaze steadily, don’t tear their gaze off somewhere even a blink. He wets his upper lip with his tongue—a sign of he’s determined, then replies.

“Right. Let’s talk.” The tone he used surprises her so much, like he’s been waiting for this day to come. She needs distraction not to cower herself.

“And your work?” Soojung questions his morning routine and takes a mental note to beg Sehun for excuse of her abstain in the office today.

“It’s okay.”

“There you are.” She blurts out, pointing out something like his mistake—although not really—and gets him confused. Jongdae shoots her questioning look although doesn’t say anything. “There you are, restraining yourself again, keeping whatever you need to talk it out and just pretending to be okay.”

They stare each other with unsure feeling, awkwardly hold their gaze for a while.

“What do you mean?” His voice is barely audible, seems like he’s still in shock with her accusation.

Soojung takes a deep breath and bites her lips, hesitates at first—but then she remembers Youngji said they needed the honest talk. “You, you always keep whatever it is inside, oppa. Whether you have objection, or disagreement, or anything that minds you, instead of saying them to me, you just hold them in and, and, make me fail to know what it is.” She’s a mess. “I, I, I don’t know, but, but I’m not mind reader, oppa. I’m sorry, but, but I need you to talk everything that burdens you to me, so that I can understand and somehow try to make it better, who knows?”

Again, they stare at each other in silence, in the heavy air that suddenly lingers around them.

Jongdae’s lips are trembled. “Okay,” He squeaks. “Okay.” He’s still taken aback with her fast explanation, but bit by bit he grasps the meaning she wants to say. “I’m holding in too much.”

“We,” She corrects him. “I mean, we should try to be honest with each other. I know we trust each other, but I don’t think we’re honest with each other about what we feel.”

“We should be honest.”

“Yes. Like, for example, is it okay for me to interrupt your morning routine—and probably will result you to be late to work today? I know you’ve said okay, but I don’t know what it really means. Is it okay okay? Or because you have no other choice? I don’t know oppa, most of the times I overthink your answer because I don’t think I get what you really mean.”

At this point Soojung gets teary-eyed and she presses her lips together to avoid sudden burst of tears. She feels hopeless—she wants them to be better but she doesn’t know exactly how.

“Soojung-ah,” His voice is smooth, like a warm honey lemon. It’s the tone that keeps replying in her mind whenever the longing feel comes out of blue. “I’m sorry.” His lips stretches out a bit, he’s holding his smile. “I mean it’s okay okay. It’s alright, really. Because didn’t care how hard I racked my brain to make proper excuse, I can only think it’s okay because it’s you.” His steady gaze feels like hugging her wholly, tightly pulling her into his calm eyes. “And I know we should talk about this cleanly, besides I keep missing you since the day we broke up.”

Jongdae does break her wall, effortlessly. She’s a crying mess now.

“I’m sorry, I keep comparing myself to Luna unnie then hating myself more because I can’t be perfect like her.” Soojung lets it out what really burdens her since their early stage of relationship. “She’s lovely, and kind, and friendly, and basically you two are perfect match, oppa.” She sobs even more.

“Jung Soojung, what are you talking about?” He sounds irritated, although Soojung believes Kim Jongdae doesn’t have a heart to get irritated. He’s an angel walking on the earth. “I don’t understand it all. It makes me sad to hear that, because I can’t believe you ever think like that.” His voice is tight as he already stands from the chair.

“I can’t help it, oppa. It’s just, it’s—“ She can’t continue her jumbled words because of her outburst.

“Jung Soojung,” Jongdae is kneeling beside her, grabbing her hands cautiously. “Please don’t ever think like that again. Luna and I are over long time ago.”

“I know.” She whispers, looking back at him through her glistened tears. “It’s just, she’s perfect.” She says, breathless. Soojung hates the possibility that this is just her endless jealousy.

He smiles out of nowhere. His hand comes up to wipe her tears—brushing her cheeks softly. “But for me you’re the one and only, perfect or not.”

“You are too kind.” She pouts, finally can own the control of herself again, not stupid tears or her raging female hormones.

“I am not.”

“Yes you are. You even go selfless and date a girl like me.”

“Jung Soojung,”

Soojung understands now, her full name will be automatically out of his mouth, with the exact same tone—almost like a warning—Jongdae uses every time she gets him frustrated. He suddenly grips her chin, takes her to look at him in the eyes.

“You have no idea how selfish I am when it comes to you, Jung Soojung. Your proximity with Sehun is like suffocating me whenever you choose him instead of me to help. Seems like you never need my help at all.” He whispers back, his smile hanging bitterly.

“Oppa! I always need you!” Soojung narrows her eyes, offended, as cupping his face—this time to make him look at her in the eyes. “I was just being stupid acting like a tough woman so that I can appear similar to… uhm… Luna unnie.” She murmurs darkly calling the name again.

“Soojung-ah, your jealousy is unnecessary. I can only look at you, you know that already.” His warm smile is back as his hands cupping hers that still planted on his face. He gives her a light squeeze then adds on, “Besides, Luna is officially engaged to Kibum hyung.”

And then he dares to show off his infamous grin.

Soojung pouts. “Then your jealousy at Sehunnie is unnecessary too, oppa.”

Jongdae’s face suddenly changes, contemplating it. Rising an eyebrow, he challenges her, “And why is that?”

“Because Youngji and him are official now.”

He looks in awe, mouth gaping in surprise but can’t form a word. She nods her head in assurance, and for seconds later both of them smile together—feeling silly at their own self.

“Look at us, Jung Soojung. Even we don’t get a chance to get properly jealous because of someone.”

“Then, are we okay okay, Jongdae oppa?”

Kim Jongdae rises and stands up, then bends as he tilts her head to look up a bit. He catches her lips with his, feeling her willing acceptance, smiling while kissing her.

“We are okay okay, my love Soojung.”

Jung Soojung places her arms around his neck as respond, deepening the kiss.

___

For the past two weeks, Soojung chooses the word ‘heaven’ and ‘embarrassment’ to describe how her days have been passed. Both of her and her Jongdae oppa are changed, she knows. They talk more freely now and she’s glad seeing how his smile blossoms prettily and more at ease. Although honest talk sometimes becomes the source of trouble too (Soojung dear, it’s a waste if I cook but no one’s gonna eat it and but oppa, your meat is uncooked so it tastes weird—I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it oppa, I swear) she’s still thankful Jongdae and her get to know each other more.

Soojung learns how Jongdae needs her to be more dependable on him (can you drive me to the stationery, oppa? I think I lost my pen or Jongdae oppa, what do you think about this hat? Should I take this one or this one?) as much as she needs him to tell her how he truly feels (Soojung, I don’t think it’s wise choice to wear those mini skirt in this kind of weather or I don’t mind with your abrupt kisses when you miss me, you can shower me with those for the whole day). Sometimes what they face is bigger than those trivial things like when they discussed (too seriously) about their living arrangement, but most of the times they shyly smile at each other when being caught off guard stealing glances one to another.

Their engagement is unplanned, like how Kim Jongdae drags her to the hotel’s balcony when they attends Sooyeon’s birthday party, and he with his perfect posture kneels in front of her, offering the beautiful ring into her sight and making her squeal in between her cries.

“Why did you do this?” Soojung asks him through her choked voice.

“I’m sorry, should I not do this?” Jongdae looks baffled, staring wide-eyed at her, face turns pale instantly because that’s not the kind of reaction he expects from his proposal.

“But this is unnie’s day! I can’t steal her thunder on her big day!” Her tears keep streaming down, hands still covering out of surprise and letting his hand stretch out with the ring and its box.

“I’ve asked Sooyeon nuna’s permission first, Jung Soojung. I won’t do this in her party if she doesn’t let me.” Jongdae patiently enlightens her with the explanation, only to earn another outburst from his girlfriend. “Hey, what happens?” He eventually is back on his heels again, closing the gap between them as carefully hugging her.

“My bad, I’m so bad, I’m sorry oppa.” Soojung chokes, leans her head on his chest.

Jongdae heaves a sigh, feels tired but a caring smile is painted on his face. Lovingly, he pats her head. “So, does that mean…?”

“Yes, yes, of course oppa. I will marry you!”

She throws her arms around his neck, hanging onto it like her life depends on it, still sobbing uncontrollably, but she’s laughing too.

Soojung shows off the ring to her sister then, after the troublesome proposal and Sooyeon smiles seeing her sister’s excitement.

“I know you both are made for each other.” The older Jung says calmly.

Soojung, her eyes still a bit red but her smile keeps wider and brighter, replies at her sister’s statement. “How do you know?”

Sooyeon tilts her head gracefully, eyeing Jongdae who joins the crowd together with Byun Baekhyun before placing back her stare at her little sister, and then answers. “Because you guys don’t look at each other with butterflies and happiness. You look at each other with reality but at the same time, there’s fairytale awaiting you.”*

Soojung sees how her sister smiles warmly at her, and she has this urge to hug her. Sooyeon gets a little surprised with the sudden attack but then she just smiles and pats Soojung’s back softly.

“Unnie, thank you.” Soojung whispers, her eyes begin teary again and she blinks repeatedly to avoid making a scene.

“You deserve it, my sister. Both of you deserve each other.”

___

“Oppa, we should invite Luna unnie, shouldn’t we?”

Jongdae shoots her an interrogating stare before scoffing. “Should we invite your Sehunnie?” He retorts.

“Of course! Youngji is gonna be the maid of honor, she will need her boyfriend too.”

“Sure thing sure.”

“Are you really sure, oppa? Sure sure sure?”

“Jung—“

“It’s quite uncomfortable having yourself being discussed in front of you, isn’t it?” Oh Sehun finally speaks up, done watching the newly engaged couple’s banter while he’s sitting lazily on the sofa.

“Is it?” Soojung replies right away, sticking out her tongue.

“There there, noisy people, you need to be serious if you still want my help because unlike all of you, I still have life out there.” Byun Baekhyun interferes, can’t accept the fact that he’s the only one who diligently list the names from his and Jongdae’s colleagues for wedding invitation. He gets a cushion attack in return—so much for being a good friend.

“What life, Byunbaek? Calling Taeyeon nuna for the rest of the day?” Jongdae saunters back. Baekhyun glares at him but then grins in the end because apparently, long distance relationship is basically talking with your phone for the whole day.

“Here the iced lemonade, sorry this took a long time.” Heo Youngji pops out from the kitchen with tray of refreshing yellow liquid in the tumbler and five glasses.

“Thank you Youngji-ah, you really are my maid of honor!” Soojung flashes a big grin at her ex-roommate.

“But she’s not your maid, Jung Soojung.”

“Of course she’s not, Oh Sehun, what are you talking about? My maid is still you.”

They laugh altogether and makes Soojung’s day brighter, easier, but what really makes her in pure delight is when Jongdae’s hand sneakily grabs hers and his eyes disappearing into crescent once their gaze meet.

They make each other happy—they deserve each other, honestly.