What day is it ?

What month is it .. or what year .. ?

I don't know ..

I don't care ..

It all stopped ..

it all stopped that year ..

 that month ..

 that night ..

and in that moment ..

Everything came to an end ..

Everything ..

And today .. is 'Today' .. it's nothing special ..

Just like yesterday was , and the day before ,and the day before ..  and I can just continue to go on and on .. until I go back to that day .. However , I'm sure you'll get bored ..

It gets boring for people to hear about your story over and over , you know ?

They'll say things like 'aw , that's sad' , or 'I'm sorry' … but deep down .. you know they're lying.

A wound hurts no one , other than its holder.

I own my wound , and it possesses me , and from that .. I don't think I'll ever care about anybthing again.

Caring , leads to nothing but misery.

 

My name is Jongdae , and this is my story ..

 

5^th May 2010

"So , what ? are we all going , are you guys all cool with that ?"

"Dude , it's a freakin party , when have we ever said no to a party ?!"

"Great ! .. so , Saturday at 9 , everyone will be here !"

 

These were my friends , my goofy friends , planning to go to a party they weren't even invited to .Planning for things that are not even theirs to decide .

Yet again , this is who we are .. who we were ..

I stood there silently , as always .Watching them with a permanent grin planted on my face .

 

A grin that made my high cheek bones seem even higher .. which I didn't even know was possible !

 

"Yah ! Baek's not here !"

"Eyy .. never mind , Jongdae is !!" and with that comment , they all looked at me.

 

Of course , my grin got even huger than it already was , but that was not the only thing that changed in my reaction .None of them could hear what was really changing in my chest.

The increasing speed , of my beating heart. No one noticed that .However , I'm not complaining , in fact .. I'm thankful.

 

"Sure , I'll call him" I said.

 

The group got distracted after that , and each went his own way.

I turned around , heading to go away , when an arm suddenly wrapped around my neck. And I didn’t even have to turn around to see who it was.

 

"If you keep doing this to me , one day you're gonna have to explain to my parents how I had a heart attack and died because of the shock" I said , turning my head to the person that I loved more than my own biological brother !

"Shut up , you knew it was me" Said , Chanyeol. "You're coming to the party , aren't you ?!"

"Of course I am" I said ,laughing."When did I ever miss a party , idiot ?!"

 

He raised a brow , and looked at the sky .Pretending to be thinking deeply. And I laughed.

 

Yes … I was happy .. so happy to be exact.

 

I was a senior in college , and these days were literally the last days we were gonna spend together , as the craziest, funniest , happiest group this college has ever witnessed.

 

"You're right , you never missed a party … BUT … this party tomorrow isn't like any other one … is it ?!" Chanyeol asked , playfully squeezing my head in his arm , and I almost chocked before he released it , laughing.

"Yup … it's not .." I said , looking at him , and he gave me a warm smile.

"You know I'm happy for you … I am .. from all my heart"

" I know … I know you are .." I said , as we stood , looking at each other.

 

Suddenly , in a split of a second … something floated in Chanyeol's eyes. Something I captured easily .. after all , I knew him all too well.

 

"What ?" I asked , a hint of concern evident in my tone.

"You know …" he started , and the way he was avoiding my eye contact , made me more anxious .. "I know what you are planning to do tomorrow , but Jongdae-ah  …" he stopped , catching his breath.

"What is it ?"

"You know what everyone is talking about , don’t you ? That girl thing .. you know everything.." He said , finally shooting me a worried look that caught my eyes.

"Yeah I know , and everyone else knows that she's just a friend … he said that, to all of us .. he told us that she's just a friend , so what's the big deal ?!"

"He told us that .. we are not you Jongdae-ah … what did he tell you about her ?"

"He told me the same what he told you … he said she's just a friend … you know that she's new in town … he felt like he wanted to take care of her" I explained , smiling.

 

 

Chanyeol looked at me , with a poker face. That thing lasted for few seconds before he seemed to find the words he wanted to say again.

 

"I'm here for you , and tomorrow will be a day to remember for all of us !"

"Yes , it will !"

 

 

I went back to the dorm at 9:00 PM. Entered my room , and immediately threw myself on the bed.

I closed my eyes , took a deep breath , and just remembered everything I had in mind about the party that next day. That party that happened to be on the same day as Baekhyun's Birthday.

And I had a birthday gift that he will never forget. Ever.

I smiled as I took out my cell phone outta my pocket , and I pressed his number really quick.

 

"Oh Jongdae-ah ~" He said on the other line as he picked up . And just like that .. my heart went all crazy again.

"Hey .. where were you today ?" I asked , smiling like little teenager girl talking to her crush.

"I was with Taeyeon ,she wanted me to help her looking for some places in town .. what did you do today ?"

"Nothing special , you know .. just planning the last few days here … getting everything over with … hey , I'm sure you heard about the party tomorrow night , didn't you ?" I asked , getting anxious , as I couldn't lay back anymore , so I sat up ..

"Yup , they posted something about it online & tagged me , and before you ask … of course I'm coming paboya .."

 

The way he said it , made me melt … almost literally !! As I was suddenly waving my hand fast in front of my face , wanting to get some coldness as I felt my body heating up.

 

"Great ! I … I m-missed you .. " I blathered out , because I'm an idiot.  However , he laughed.

"I see you almost every day pabo ." he said , and as soon as I heard that , I actually slapped my face with the same hand I was waving with few seconds go , and suddenly he added "I missed you too , and can't wait for tomorrow .."

 

And no need to say that I it was a sleepless night for me .. right ?

I checked the clothes I especially bought for that day about 40 , or maybe 50 times.

And I replayed the scenario I had for tomorrow night over and over … for a countless amount on times , until I .. unknowingly , fell asleep as the first rays of sunshine came crawling into my room ..

 

The party , was only about few hours away , and by each passing second .. my heart would just drop a little bit more.

I was only few hours from confessing my true feelings to my best friend .. to the person I had no other than him in my heart ..

 

The mixture of feelings I got in those hours were hard , so hard to explain ..

I was anxious , happy , nervous , ecstatic , scared , relieved ..

All of them were contracted , yet they all blended together inside me  ,one way or another ..

 

I was still looking at my reflection in the mirror .. when two knocks on the door broke my thoughts ..

I inhaled deeply , partially thankful to whoever was knocking for breaking my hectic thoughts before they would drive me crazy.

I opened the door , and sighed in great relief when it was no other than Chanyeol.

 

"Thank God .. I love you !" I said , embracing him the moment I saw him . He gasped in surprise at my reaction , and didn't hug me back , but he didn’t have to .. I broke the hug quickly just to pull him by the arm inside the room.

"Thank God you're here … I'm freaking out .. like literally losing my mind !!" I said , pacing the room back and forth.

"Hey , hey , hey !" Chanyeol said , standing in front of me , grabbing me by the shoulders. "I need you to listen to me !" he said , looking deeply in my eyes. I caught a glimpse of fear in his eyes ,but due to my state back then … I didn't care …

 

Now , looking back … I wish I didn't ignore that fear in your eyes.. Chanyeol ..

 

"Jongdae-ah .. please listen to me ! I didn't find any other way to say what I'm about to say .. so I'll just spit it out as it is .." He said , gasping , his fingernails digging deeply in my shoulders . "Your plans for tonight … just forget them !" He spat out , and I couldn't believe what I just heard coming out from him.

"What did you just say ?!" I asked , even though I was quite sure I heard what he said clearly. Unconsciously , I pushed his hands away .. as if his touch was suddenly poisonous.

"He's taking that girl to the party tonight !" Chanyeol said , his voice tone getting a bit louder.

"So ?" I said .

"How the hell can you be so freakin stupid !" He said , voice getting louder and louder , and he got closer to me again , his furious eyes pouring into mine. "Don’t do anything you'll regret .. just don’t … I love you .. and I don’t want you to get hurt , please"

 

The way his eyes was getting watery said it all ..

Chanyeol wasn’t lying ..

He wasn't over reacting ..

He would never fool me .. never ..

 

And suddenly , every ,little ,lost piece fell in its place.. and an infinite collection of memories passed at the speed of light before my eyes ..

"Hey Baekhyun-ah … let's get out tonight .."

"Ah I can't , Taeyeon wanted to show me something .."

"Taeyeon says she's cooking for the first time and it would mean much for her if I try it .."

"Taeyeon …."

"Taeyeon …."

"Taeyeon …."

"Taeyeon …."

 

How the hell could I be so freaking blind ? Since when seeing Baekhyun was ever this difficult ? We were inseparable !

And in that moment of realization .. my world fell apart ..

 

My feet could no longer support my swaying body , and I stumbled . Once , twice , and I almost fell before Chanyeol caught me and supported me again.

 

"But I … I …" I tried to say , tried to form proper things to say , but I couldn’t ..

"Shhh … I know .. I know !" he said , guiding me to my bed , where I sat on the edge of it. "Kyungsoo just called me , and told me what's gonna happen and I just .. I can't let you go"

"So …. Wait , you're saying that … you're saying that everybody knows …. ? everybody knows except for me ?" I said , my voice shaking … and tears were falling down , streaming on my cheeks .. "Oh God … Oh my God … " I gasped out , in a broken voice I didn't even recognize as my own ..

 

And for the next couple of hours .. I simply just kept crying ..

 

I was exhausted , breathing heavily , my eyes were swollen , and the traces of tears were visible on my soaked face ..

And , during all that .. Chanyeol was still sitting by my side .. embracing me tightly with one hand , and saying no word .. something I was thankful for ..

I was resting my head against the pillow .. when my phone started ringing , but before I even wanted to pick up , I looked at the clock on the wall from the other side of the room.

It's been 2 hours since the party started now ..

I looked at the phone screen , and read Kyungsoo's name on it . I immediately handed the phone to Chanyeol , who took it without saying a word and pressed the answering button.

 

"Kyungsoo-ya .."

"Yah !! where the hell are you , everyone is asking about you?! and wait …. Why are you picking up Jongdae's phone ?"

"Jongdae got a bit dizzy , and has a really horrible headache and can't come , so .. I stayed with him" Chanyeol said , well .. actually lied , while looking at me with his worried eyes.

"What ?! how bad is it ? do you want me to come over and pick you to the hospital ?"

"No no ! we're fine … he just needs rest … just … have fun guys"

"You two are aware that it's Baek's birthday , aren't you ?!"

"Yes Kyungsoo … we are aware that it's his birthday , but I told you that we cannot come" Chanyeol spat out , a bit angry . My eyes snapped open when I heard these words coming out from him , and I suddenly sat up fast , taking the phone from Chanyeol's hand , much to the latter's shock , I started to talk.

"Kyungsoo-ya … we're on our way .." I said , with a blank expression that looked nothing close to Chanyeol's shocked one.

"You sure ? He said that you have a really ba-"

"We're on our way .. bye"

 

I put my phone back in my pocket , and I stood on my feet , making my way to the bathroom without even giving a glance back at Chanyeol.

My eyes were literally stinging as I washed my face , and my hair was all messed up ..

It was incredible how my look changed in these two hours .. I look like I've been crying for at least a week or so ..

I started to fix my hair weakly , when I felt a burning gaze settling on me , and I didn't have to turn to look at Chanyeol , as I could see his reflection in the mirror.

 

"You're losing your mind ! What the hell do you think you're doing ?" He said , stepping inside the bathroom and getting closer to me.

"I'm going to Baekhyun's birthday .." I answered , not even looking at him.

"Jongdae-ya .. you have to-"

"I know …" I said , interrupting him , as I turned to face him , "I know it's stupid .. and I know it doesn't make sense .. but " I stopped , taking a shaky breath to prevent any more tears of falling down ," but I wanna see it for myself .. I wanna face it with my own eyes , I wanna end whatever feeling I have inside me .. tonight"

 

He didn't respond , he didn't have to .. his eyes said it all.

 

A half hour later , we were sitting in his car , that stopped in front of the venue where the open party was taking place.

I lowered my head , my hand clutching hardly at the object in my pocket , when Chanyeol's hand  touched my shoulder.

"Are you sure .. ?" he asked , for the millionth time in two hours. And I looked at him.

And I somehow managed to smile .. I never realized how lucky I was to have him by my side until now ..

 

"Gomawoo Chanyeol-ah .. " I said , as I took his hand and squeezed gently , and he didn't responded .. as I expected he wouldn't.

 

I turned around and got out of the car , and as soon as I did .. I could clearly hear the music sounds coming from inside the venue. My hand that was in my pocket the whole time since we left the house never got out … I kept clutching hard.

Chanyeol got off the car as well .. and came to my side ,he said nothing .. there was no need to.

 

We went side by side , closer to the doors … until we entered  ..

 

It was a huge hall .With hundreds of people there , dancing , laughing , singing along , screaming , kissing , doing some things that should be done in private …. Or shouldn't be done at all !!

However , I didn't care about all of that .. I was here to see one person , and one person only. I never cared about the hundreds in front of me !

 

I came here to see the person I loved for 4 years , having a blast with someone else.

I came here to watch him happy , to see him smiling that smile that I always drew on his face ..

My eyes kept wandering , as Chanyeol and I somehow managed to make our way between these crowds.

It didn't take long .. before a familiar , petit figure guy came closer to us , with a goofy grin.

 

"You're here !" Kyungsoo said , almost screaming , to make sure we can hear him among all the noise. "Are you Okay now ?" He said , again screaming , obviously talking to me. I just nodded.

"Where are the guys ?!" Chanyeol yelled out , getting closer to Kyungsoo.

"Over there ! let's go ! we've been waiting for you !"

 

He walked before us , and we followed him .I could feel the heavy weight of Chanyeol's gaze on me , but I didn't look back at him .. I just followed Kyungsoo ..

 

One step , two steps , three … and there he was …

 

Wearing a black suit that matched him perfectly , even though I used to mock him when he would wear something formal. I could never deny that my heart went crazy .. but yet again .. when it comes to Baekhyun .. my heart , along with my mind … are always a mess ..

 

It only took him a couple of seconds to notice us , and took him a split of a second .. to come fast towards us .. I started shaking .

 

"Where were you ?!" Said , Baekhyun . I was about to respond when he quickly embraced me in his arms. And every single bit of strength I had seemed to fade.

My eyes widened . I don’t even know how I managed to remain on my feet .

It wasn't something out of the ordinary for me and Baekhyun to hug. Actually , were known in the group , for our constant skin ship .However , concerning the fact that he was hugging me in that mental and emotional  state I was in .. yeah , I almost fainted.

 

I wanted him to hug me closer , tighter , longer … but he didn't ..

He released me even before I got to hug him back .. and he turned around , leaving me motionless , and breathless . But worst of all , he turned around only to see her ..

 

"I was looking for you .." A petit , blonde girl came closer , closer to him , and his arm that was hugging me few seconds ago .. went and wrapped around her shoulder instead ..

"They're here , Jongdae and Chanyeol" He told her , pointing to us , and she gave a small gesture ..

 

My feet were like jelly , I felt like I'm about to faint ..

 

I don’t even know how longer I stayed there , staring at them .. standing hand in hand , not caring about the rest of the world ..

My heart felt like bleeding .It was tearing to million pieces , but there was nothing I could ever do .. it was undeniable ..

I was in love with him , but he was in love with her ..

Baekhyun-ah .. Can she love you better than I can ..?

I asked him that question thousands of times that night .However , the question was only audible for me .. the question lingered in my head , and could never reach the tip of my tongue ..

 

I couldn’t blame him , I just couldn't .. not even for a split of a second !

If there was anyone in this world to blame , that would be me ..

It was me who took too long , and I'm paying the price in the most horrible way possible ..

 

I was sitting at the bar , drinking ..

A glass , after glass … as I watched the one I love with all my heart , dancing with another girl ..

My hand slipped inside of my pocket , and I touched the little box with my finger tips ..

The box that had the silver ring I bought two weeks ago , when I could finally afford it ..

The ring I was gonna propose with ..

But right then , I didn’t even need it anymore  … because by the looks of them , kissing .. it didn’t seem like I had any more chances whatsoever ..

 

The little part of me that was still hanging on , has been crushed , and smashed , and torn , and burnt to ashes … when they shared another , passionate kiss ..

 

I felt a hand on my shoulder , and I weakly turned my head to see Chanyeol , standing by my side , staring at me with horrified eyes .. it was like when the guys in movies see ghosts or something .. he was looking at me with those eyes ..

 

"We should go"

"No .." I said , as I turned away my sight from him and back to the dance floor , where Taeyeon was laughing so damn hard at Baekhyun's goofy moves ..

 

Not having much of a control over my body ,I got on my feet ..

And with baby like steps .. I went towards the dance floor ..

 

"Jongdae-ah ~! Wait , Jongdae-ah~" Chanyeol kept calling , for God knows how long , but I didn’t bother to turn back ..

I just made my way , between all the crowds …

And I just started dancing ..

 

With all my sorrows , with all my tears ... with all the heartache and pain .. I danced ..

My vision was blurry , and my moves made no sense .. even to me .. but I didn't care ..

 

With the corner of my eye , I saw them hugging tight , kissing , laughing … I saw them happy !

But all that never crashed me as much as when my eyes met his , in a split of a second .. and he looked away … simply ..

He didn't even see me .. for him , I was invisible ..

For me , he was the only person in that hall that was crowded with more than 300 people ..

And my heart broke more ..

 

I didn't know what to do , or how to act , I didn’t know what would happen to my if I just passed out ..

But , I did know that … I lost him that night ..

I lost the love of my life .. the person I wanted to vow to spend the rest of my life with ..

 

What should I do ?

I didn't know …

I was dancing .. and dancing … and I'm pretty sure that not even a single move got along with the beat that was playing , but I went on anyways ..

I danced for more than an hour .. lonely between the crowds … so close to him .. yet didn't see me ..

I had nothing on my mind ..

I wasn’t thinking .. I was just hurting .. bleeding inside ..

I was saying goodbye , silently ..

And I had no idea in my head how the next day would go , now that I lost him .. but I didn’t think much ,either ..  

For that moment … for that time .. I just kept dancing … 

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

TADA !!!

Please don’t kill me : (

I swear I adore uri ChenChen <3 but I just had this thought in my head and I needed to post it ! XD .. mianhae ~~~

I hope u guys like it none the less kkk !

And to be completely honest with you I'm really considering writing a quick sequel for this .. but I'm just waiting for the right thoughts to come :D ! I would love to know if u guys would like to see a sequel for this or no ..

PLEEEEASE comment and let me know what u think ..

If there are any weak spots in the story I would love to know your notes and feedbacks , and I'll respond to all the comments <3

 

I really hope u enjoyed it <3