In the past 13 years, I had a secret that I couldn't tell anyone. I wonder why I had confessed all my sorrows that had collected within my chest to him back then. Was it because I was drunk? Because he was going to die soon? Or was it because I knew that he was the same kind of person as me?

Jimin's POV:

------25.11.20xx; Monday; 0912.

    I came back to the hospital again, though it wasn't due to any stupid suicide attempt of mine. Seokjin-hyung was deeply injured during a previous brawl with an old lady from several days back. The strong smell of antiseptic overwhelmed when I stepped into the hospital. The ceiling was just a dull white, and the corridors were furnished with carefully positioned pots. My eyes kept searching for Seokjin-hyung's ward number. 301... 302... 303; there it is. I knocked on the door twice, and slide it open. Seokjin-hyung was sitting on the hospital bed, and dawned in hospital gown. I walked beside him and was greeted by a smile from him, "Good morning, Jimin ah."

    I sat on the stool just placed besie the hospital bed, and said, "You were bound to break your leg at some point of your life."

    "Kinda , since the doctors said that I can't move around for a few weeks. It's pretty sad isn't it..." Seokjin-hyung said, the white bed sheets covered the lower half of his body. 

    I placed the fruits that I brought along on the bedside table, and stood up from the stool. "Anyways, I'm heading home."

    "Oh, so soon?" Seokjin-hyung asked.

    "If I stay any longer, I'll definitely get involved with too many things." I placed my right palm against my nape.

    Seokjin-hyung lowered his head, and remained silent.

     "Because of you... I looked up that prisoner on the internet yesterday. He caused a pretty big deal, didn't he? He pushed a mother and child into the tracks at a train station, and they were ran over. Then used their umbrella to stab ayoung passerby to death... Three people were dead in an instant as a result of his murder spree. There were also details about his horrible past, but is he the only unfortunate one in the world?" 

   Seokjin-hyung looked at me, his eyebrows furrowed.

    "If people just forgive the unfortunate things that people do due to their past, then what about the three victims killed by his selfish act? Or what about the people who wanted No. 0309 dead?" The view before my eyes went out of focus; but I wasn't crying. "The only people who can imagine the end of that downward spiral, are the people who lived outside it, blissfully ignorant."

    "Jimin. That man, he doesn't have anyone."

    "I don't want to see him again, take care," I said and walked towards the doorway.

    "Abandoning him as you wish makes you the same as the person you hate, Jimin." 

    Hyung's words made me stop right at my tracks, and the blood rushed to my cheeks. "If only I jumped down from a building instead of slitting my wrist, drank sulfuric acid instead of taking sleeping pills..." I turned my head and looked at Seokjin-hyung, "You were the only reason I didn't choose better ways to kill myself, hyung. It's the thought that there actually exist someone who would grieve for me, and it makes my heart ache..."

    I took a deep sigh and mumbled, "I will go see him. But in exchange... Pray for me too. Pray that I won't want to kill myself anymore..."

    His eyes widened, then he closed them with a smile, "I can't do that in exchange."

    "Eh..?"

    "I have been praying for that this entire time..." He held my hand  and continued on, "Listen Jimin, you have to come to forgive people as well, for that day... Not for anyone else, but for your own sake."

 

    Every once in a while, Seokjin-hyung will tell me to forgive the people who had caused me pain and sufferings. However, I just can't help but wonder: why can't I just live with anger deep in me? I am afraid, I'm afraid that even Seokjin-hyung will leave me someday and stand against me. Will I be able to stand alone, without losing it..?

 

------ 26.11.20xx; Tuesday; 1016.

    I sat down on the wooden chair of the visiting room, and await Yoongi to arrive on the other side of that thick glass. The door on the other side opened, and he walked into the room with no hurry. He looked at me with those cold eyes and took a seat before me.

    "Um... I didn't think you will come, since my previous visit didn't go so well..." I muttered.

    He lowered his head and didn't reply me, so I looked at him for a few awkward moments.

    Warden Namjoon, who was standing beside him, spoke, "Oh no! Thank you for visiting in the chaplain's place when he recovers. I was just about to give up on having any visitors, too... Oh that's right! That reminds me, Jimin-ssi, you used to play the piano right?"

   Upon hearing the word 'piano', my head jerked up in surprise. My body was trembling and my fingers felt tense.

    "Wel... you see, I used to be a big fan of yours. I listened to it again and again." Warden Namjoon went on and on.

    "Th-thank you..." I choked out the words.

    "I'd really love to hear it again. I was surprised when you suddenly retired. Everyone had such great expectations for you too... Why did you quit?"

    I clenched my fist and slammed it against the table before me, startling both Yoongi and Warden Namjoon.

    "W-what..? Jimin-ssi...?" Warden Namjoon called out, surprised by my sudden rage.

    "I will never play the piano again." I bellowed, "If Seokjin-hyung hadn't asked me to come, I'd never have come to a place like this..." I covered my mouth in a hurry when I realized the words that had slipped from my mouth.

    Yoongi chuckled in a low voice, "Are you the same as that man too? Forcing your good intentions on others, but all the while just wanting to bask in your superiority?" He looked up and looked me in the eye, "Go home, noble prince. Do you want me to thank you for coming out to see me or something?"

    I looked at him, I couldn't strike back at him at all. He stood up and attempt to leave the room, but I stopped him with my words, "Seokjin-hyung isn't that kind of person... The truth is, if he hadn't been pushed down by one of you victim's relatives yesterday and injured his leg, he would have been here. Hyung wanted her to understand what you did... Even the slightest amount..."

    Warden Namjoon placed his hands against the thick glass in a hurry, hushed me, "Ji-jimin-ssi... Please don't discuss the details of his crimes here..."

    Yoongi dropped down onto the floor, and his breathing was getting more and more uneven. 

    "Yoongi..!"

    "...orry..."

    "It's okay! It's okay, Yoongi ah... Just calm down..."

    I looked at the sight before me, but I remained silent.

    "I'm sorry... I'm sorry..." The man who was kneeling on the ground, apologised profusely for a long time. I looked on, and realised the magnitude of the blow I had delivered, though it was unintentional.

 

------ 15.59

    I laid on my bed as I stared at the ceiling. There were empty bottles of booze and clothes laying around on the floor. Just then, my phone rang. I shifted my attention towards it, then reached out for it. I took the call, "Hello?"

    [It's only afternoon, and you're drinking already!?]

    "What is it, brother? What do you want?"

    [Anyways, you're going to show up for mother's birthday party, right?]

    "Ah, that's today. I'm not going."

    [Listen, you... Regardless, I'm coming to get you. You can't drive while you're drunk.]

    "Wait, I told you I'm n-" My brother hung up on me before I could finish my sentence.

    Oh this motherer. 

    

*

 

    "What... where's moher?" My brother asked the maid who had been of service to our family since I was born.

    "She's still sleeping upstairs."

    "Huh? It's already past four o'clock... I have to get back to work in the evening..." Brother mumbled in frustration.

    I heaved a deep sigh, my mother is always so irresponsible. She never seems like an adult to me.

    "Actually, the tutor dropped by yesterday." The maid said.

    "The tutor?" Brother asked in curiousity.

    "Yes. Jimin-ssi's piano tutor."

    The fear and pain from that day came rushing back to me, sending beads of sweat rolling down my forehead once again.

    "He used to come and teach him until he stopped playing the piano at age 17."

    "Right... he was good friends with mother, if my memory serves me correct."

    "She hadn't seen him in a long time, and it looked like they had a good time last night. They were up late talking, so that's probably why she hadn't woken up yet."

    The fear came flooding my mind, and my sight were out of focus.

 

    I stood by my mother's bed, where she was sleeping at. Her peaceful sleeping face made me remember all of the things that had happened on that fateful day.

    "There's no way he did something like that to you! Be silent! Enough of this foolishness!!!"

    "No matter how many times you say it... No one's going to believe you."

    I went on top of my mother, and my hands slowly reaching for her neck. "The one who is lying... is you. Mother." I mumbled as I gripped onto her neck, and gradually tightened my grip.

    "Jimin... I'm heading back." My brother came up the stairs and into mother's bedroom.

    When he saw what had happened, he yanked me away from mother in hurry and exclaimed, "Jimin!! What are you doing!! Mother!! Are you okay, mother...?!"

    I panted and looked at my palms, then dashed off.

 

    Mother... Are you still angry... Since it's my fault that you can no longer play the piano anymore? 

   Mother...

    Mother...

    Do you really hate me that much..?

 

------ 19.18

Warden Namjoon's POV:

    "Looks like it's finally starting to snow...It's no surprise since today is so cold."

    "It's a bit early for the first snow for the year... It's only late november." I replied to my colleagues.

    "N-namjoon!" My colleague yelled out from outside the office, something urgent must have happened. "The man from church came!!"

    "Eh..?"

    

      I ran to the jail cell of Yoongi, and stood at the hallway outside. "Yoongi..! Jimin-ssi is here again...! Th-there's something wrong with him and I don't know what to do..."

    Yoongi looked up at me in confusion, but followed me to the visiting room where she's at.

 

------ 19.24.

Yoongi's POV:

    When I heard from Warden Namjoon that the pampered man from church came, I was honestly surprised. For what reason did he came for, when he himself said that he would never come again? I shook away those thoughts and walked into the room. 

    He was sitting in one corner of the room, soaked to his bones. What's going on with him?

    "I came because I don't understand..." He spoke softly. "Why would someone like me, who wants to kill so badly... While someone like you, who trembls and begs for forgiveness, locked up in here..."

    I looked on and listened with full attention.

    "Just a few weeks ago, before I met you...I tried to kill myself for the third time."

    That was... unexpected. I thought he was just a spoiled brat from a rich family.

    "My mother was a really famous pianist... but she was forced to give up after she gave birth to me. To try and make up for it, I played the piano everyday. Just for her since I was little." His lowered his head even further and brought his knees to his chest. "But... I... I..."

   "I was by my piano tutor."

    My blood ran cold when I heard the words. It had been a long time since I felt sympathy for another man.

    "I told my mother of course, but... She don't believe me at all. She hated shameful things like that, and silenced me. She told me to lie and say that it didn't happen... Even though my face was stained with tears and bruised. Even though my is bleeding. She told me to live my life without acknowledging what had happened." He looked up and his tears were flowing down uncontrollably. "No matter how muhc I played the piano, it wasn't enough to make it up for her. Since then, I hadn't play the piano. I don't even dare to touch it."

    He lowered his head once more and apologised, "I'm really sorry for what I said just now. It's just that... I get emotional during the day sometimes, and say somecruel things. Sorry... I really am."

    "Oh no... I should be he one to apologize. I didn't know anything... yet I..." Warden Namjoon said fantically, trying to appease the man who was sobbing on the floor, at the other side of the thick glass which separates us.

    "To this day, I live with a deep hatred towards my mother in m heart... But Seokjin-hyung couldn't let me go on like this. So he asked me to meet convicts whohad no future. However I don't believe that there are pure-hearted clergy in the world. They're convinced that their words can turn sadistic convicts into angels. I want no part of this..." He said.

    "I don't like you, but I don't hate you either. That's because what I do know about you... was just exaggerated stories to entertain the public, written by someone on the outside. I don't have room to sympathise with other people, if I come here it is to get something and leave. But if everyone that I meet is going to be polite on the outside, and just say pretty words that mask their feelings, I don't need it." Jimin stood up from the floor and met me in the eye. "If you would talk to me... I don't want to hear any lies. I intend to speak honestly with you."

    I chuckled and lowered my head, "You're really an odd one. To pick a prisoner and one on death row for that, to talk without bias..."

    "Odd. Weird. Bigot... People often call that behind my back."

   "Me too..." I responded.

    The door on the opposite side of the thick glass opened, and a guard walked in. "Excuse me... Visting hours are over..."

    "Ah okay... I'm sorry for showing up all of a sudden." He said and walked out the door.

    "Next tuesday, at 10 in the morning." I said and watched him turn around to face me, "If I'm still alive, please stop by. I also would like to talk, with you."

 

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