“Goodbye, Tatum!” The girl with a shoulder length hair bid her goodbye and gently closes the door in front of me.

I’m alone.

And for the nth time,

I am ing alone.

There is always this point in my life where I asked myself “Why did God let me live in the first place?” I have no family to be loved, I have no friends who can love me; I got no one to prove I’m worthy.

No one cares about me.

So, what’s the point in living?

I sigh deeply, went upstairs and go directly in my room. I start to look around. My bedroom is not an ideal place to be. There’s a single bed near the door, you can easily tell that there’s only one person who’s sleeping here. Beside the bed, there is a wooden rickety chair which I often use. And then, there’s a tattered cabinet and when you open it, there are few clothes that I can only count on my fingers, mostly jeans and shirts. Beside the cabinet, there is a vanity mirror that is now covered with dust containing goner things. When I look up, there’s a spider web. It’s because I have no time to clean. What for? It’s only me who’s living in this abandoned house.

Abandoned house. I repeat.

A house full of regrets

A house full of melancholy and tears

And a house full of endless what ifs

I suddenly had the urge to look at the wall clock that’s making din in my bedroom.

12:00 pm, Thursday

It’s time. I thought.

It’s time to end all my sorrows and pain.

I gingerly open the other side of my tattered cabinet. There, I saw many pills; Pills that will help me to end my life.

When I turn to my right, I saw a pad and a pen.

Right, I need to compose my suicide letter.

When I was about to write something on a pad, I heard a vestige voice “Tatum, you don’t need to. As if someone will actually read your rubbish note” My conscience tries to tell me.

And being a foolish girl, I answered back.

“Just let me do this, please.”

Conscience mourning for me didn’t answer back. I took it as a cue to write something valuable for the first time in my 19 years of existence.

Then, I wrote:

Thank you, World for letting me live in this chaotic place although I’m not really grateful. Tomorrow will be a good day for me because I will no longer be able to live in this mess.

No more tears.

No more pain.

No more grieves.

And No more Tatum

And for the last time, Good bye

-Tatum

After writing out what I had to say, I took the pills and put it in my mouth as many as I can.