- Where are you going? It’s really late you know?

 

- Oh... uhm... Hwayoung’s family has some problems... She’s just called me, she was crying while talking... I worry about her so I think I should come and check her out...

 

- Then you should go, she might need someone beside her now.

 

Kyung faked a smile and pushed Jiho to the door.

 

- Kyungie ah is it okay? I promise I will come back as soon as possible. - Jiho turned back and gave Kyung an anxiety look.

 

- I’m not that childish Jiho, I’ll not be jealous just because of my boyfriend being nice with his ex when she needs help.

 

- Thank you a lot, Kyungie.

 

Right after Jiho disappeared behind the closed door, Kyung’s smile faded. His eyes were covered by a fog of tears. Is it hurt or tiredness or both, Kyung wasn’t sure. He silently looked around the room where all their pictures were hang around, silently lay down on the bed and tiredly sighed.

 

It’s Ryu Hwayoung again...

 

“Is she still so great?

Does your heart drop just by a single phone call?

You even forgot what you were saying and think about something else

My heart is more surprised at your quickly hardened face

I’ve never met her but I really don’t like her”

 

---

 

BOOM!!!

 

The sudden sound of thunder made Kyung startled and then woke up, he immidiately curled in the corner in fear. Timidly looked at the clock to realized it was already 1 am and Jiho still wasn’t home, Kyung couldn’t help but let some sobs out.

 

“How much did you like her to be like this?

How much did you love her to be like this?

What was so great about her?

Why are you like this?”

 

---

 

- AAA Park Kyung! Why are you listening to this chessy sorrowful kind of music now? - Taeil didn’t stop touching Kyung’s forehead like he was afraid of his friend having the “damsel in distress” disease.

 

- It’s good, it’s one of the songs in IU’s latest album. - Kyung just replied him with a smile.

 

- Oh, you’re listening to it because you’re an IU fan huh? - Taeil nodded understandingly.

 

Suddenly his waist was wrapped with a warm hug of someone.

 

- Ewww look at them, they’re really like a couple in their honeymoon aren’t them?

 

Jihoon’s tease got back many laughs and that totally embarassed Kyung like hell, but Jiho just smiled and whispered to Kyung’s ear.

 

- Is it time to let them know about our relationship, baby?

 

- Is it okay, Ji? Only one Yukwon knew but I was worried like dead already.

 

- It’ll be okay, I promise.

 

Jiho let Kyung lean on his shoulder and that made everybody laughed louder but Kyung really didn’t care much. It’s hard to have time with Jiho, so he coudn’t make any wastes.

 

---

 

They were on a happy shopping date  when Kyung spotted someone familiar through the glass of the restaurant across the street. He suddenly sweated like hell and shakingly took his phone out to make a phone call. He saw the man across the street took his phone out too and hesitantly pressed the answer button.

 

- Hello Ji, where are you now? We finished shopping and we’re going back home now.

 

- Hello baby... - the man replied while giving the crying girl opposite him a tissue - I have some works to do at my office now so... everybody should make the party without me...

 

- It’s fine. Try to get home soon okay? - Kyung tried to keep himself calm.

 

- Okay, thank you baby. See you soon.

 

Taeil suddenly said when Kyung just hung up the phone.

 

- Kyung ah, is that Jiho in the restaurant over there? Who is he talking with?

 

Kyung tried to paint a smile on his face.

 

- Maybe one of his guests? I don’t know, we shouldn’t disturb his business.

 

- Isn’t she Jiho’s ex Ryu Hwayoung?

 

- How can I know? I’ve never seen her face.

 

- Stop pretending, I thought you saw it when they broke up? - Taeil laughed and softly pushed Kyung’s shoulder.

 

- I just watched from afar and then brought Jiho the umbrella because it was raining and I didn’t want he to get sick.

 

- Oh so that’s how it was. What a good friend.

 

Good friend? Right, they should just be good friends from the start.

 

---

 

Kyung still remembered the day Jiho broke up, he still remember the image of that girl coldly turning away while Jiho bowing his head down in the rain, and it's still giving pains to Kyung's heart. Kyung still remember Jiho’s hurtful look when he gave the younger man an umbrella and a comforting hug while repeating “everything will be alright”. Kyung thought he should forget all those memories, even the memories of them became a couple the next year, even the sweet time of them just be in love, even all the hurts he’s having now. Right when she started working in the same company as Jiho, Kyung knew there would be troubles. Times proved that his sense was right, and that fact hit him hard on the face.

 

”You said you forgot her, that you erased all of her
That it’s all in the past so you don’t even remember
But in reality, are you still embracing her in your heart
And still not being able to let her go?
I’ve never met her but I really don’t like her”

 

A warm hug brought him back to the present, and instead of sulkily pushing that person away, he let himself fell deeper into that embrace.

 

- I’m sorry about yesterday Kyungie. Let’s have a date this weekend, only us. - Jiho sniffed the scent of Kyung’s hair while softly talking.

 

- You promise?

 

- I promise.

 

---

 

That Saturday night.

 

- Baby ah, are you done yet?

 

- Oh my God what time is it? What should I wear? - Kyung confusingly dug in his wardrobe.

 

Jiho was laughing at Kyung’s childish eagerness but then his phone vibrated.

 

- Hello?

 

- Oppa can you come to the office and help me with this document?

 

- But Hwayoung, today is a day-off and I...

 

- Please oppa, if I can’t finish it today I may be fired, I’ve just started a new job and I can’t let that happen to me!!!

 

- ... Okay... alright, I’ll come there now. Wait for me.

 

Kyung already finished taking all his clothes back to the wardrobe just when Jiho hang up. They look at each other eyes and Jiho took Kyung’s hand.

 

- Kyungie...

 

- Don’t say sorry Ji, come to help her. We can have dates later.

 

Kyung faked a smile on his lips and pushed Jiho to the door.

 

- See you later baby.

 

This time that was him who closed the door, again.

 

“How much did you like her to be like this?

How much did you love her to be like this?

How can you make even me be in pain?

Until when are you going to be like this?

 

Why is she calling you when she coldly left you?

It’s frustrating to see you pick up the call too

As I see you go through this, I still stick by you

For that, I’m the bigger fool

I’m the bigger fool for waiting for you”

 

The music was still playing, each word of the lyrics was like pricking Kyung’s heart once. That was all lies when he told Taeil that he liked the song because he’s a fan of IU, he liked the song just because he found it was totally the same as his situation. Looking at the walls filled with all the pictures of them, Kyung couldn’t help but embraced himself and released all of his tears like a flood. The lonely and lacking of love feelings even made him cried harder, his lips were bitten to blood. Wipping all the tears, he touched every pictures and stopped at Jiho’s face on one. What Kyung really means to Jiho? He really loved Kyung or just took him as a replacement? Was Jiho too heartless or was Kyung too stupid to accept that relationship too easily?

 

Maybe that was Kyung’s fault of all this mess, right from the start.

 

Kyung’s madly laughing in tears, he’s madly ripping all the pictures down, he's madly tangling all their records, he's madly throwing his phone away. He wanted to break everything, he wanted to destroy everything, even himself. His hands were scratched by the nails but he didn’t care, he kept ripping the pictures even when his blood seeped in all of them.

 

Touching the biggest picture in the room, the picture of Jiho keeping him in his embrace, Kyung’s heart couldn’t help but feeling forceless. Not really forceless, he just couldn’t. After everything happened, he still couldn’t. Kyung collapsed to the floor, even too exhausted to keep crying. He kept laying while thinking for a moment, then took his phone out of his pocket to press a familiar phone number. Along the waiting time he wished that person quickly answer or never answer...

 

- Hello, Kitty Kwon is listening!

 

That happy warm voice made him not sure that he should be happy or be sad.

 

- Hyung... Kwon hyung...

 

- Kyung? Don’t scare me, what’s wrong with you???

 

- Hyung... give me my passport back...

 

- What happened??? What did Jiho do??? He even couldn’t have a second chance for it??? That bad???

 

- Hyung please, I’m ing tired like hell! Please give me back my passport, or you want me suicide right now right here for your pleasure? - Kyung couldn’t help but started crying again.

 

- No don't!!! Sweetie, don’t do anything stupid and please stop crying, I’ll be there in a moment and bring you your passport. Just wait for me.

 

After the man from the other line hung up, Kyung lifeless looked around the room.

 

Maybe he still had enough time to clean this mess.

 

He threw all the pictures and the broken records away, cleaned the house then packed all his clothes, stuffs and belongings into a suitcase, made sure nothing belonged to him still be here, in this hurtful place.

 

The musics’s still playing repeatedly...

 

“How much did you like her to be like this?

How much did you love her to be like this?

What was so great about her?

Why are you like this?

 

How much did you like her to be like this?

How much did you love her to be like this?

How can you make me be in pain?

I’ve never met her but I really don’t like her”

 

---

 

Half a year later...

 

- Hello Kwonie hyung!

 

- You bastard kid, why didn’t you answer my phone earlier? - the growl from the other line made Kyung shivered a little.

 

- Haha sorry hyung, I was working so I set my phone in vibrating mode. I didn’t mean to not answer your phone, I swear!

 

- It’s good hearing your laugh again Kyungie. How are you now?

 

- I’m fine. I miss you guys so much, hyung. - Kyung tried to keep himself from crying.

 

- We miss you too. When will you come back? - the man from the other line seemed keeping his tears too.

 

- When my work is stable here I will come back to visit everybody, I promise.

 

- Even you may not want to hear but I think I still have to say this to you, Jiho really missed you a lot. That day he was in a big shock when he came back home, he cancelled all his works to go and find you. Now he’s like living without his soul, everyday asking people if they got any news of you, coming to your parents’s home every weeks to ask about you... Could you try to forgive him once?

 

- Don’t talk about that person hyung, or I will change my phone number and even never come back there again.

 

- I dare you to treat this hyung of you like that little rat!!!!

 

- I really will, if you keep talking about him. - Kyung said firmly.

 

- Okay okay. Nevermind. Hey, Taeil and Jihoon want me to send you some stuffs so give me your address then I can tell Minhyuk to transfer them to you.

 

- But hyung, Minhyuk hyung is working in New York right? I’m not living in New York anymore.

 

- WHAT? Who was the one trying to smile with me with a puffy nose at the airport and telling me that he would come to New York to let all of the sadness flew away by the luxury of that city huh??? So where are you now kid???

 

- Listen to me please hyung. I had been living in New York for some months but that city didn’t fit me, it was too noisy and crowded. I once had a tour to Paris and it felt so right, there’re even a town of Korean, they recognized me and helped me a lot when I said I want to move to here. But mainly I was enchanted by this peaceful place, so I won’t go anywhere else.

 

- Don’t you have any regrets with Korea?

 

- Yes, a lot... But what can I do, I chose this place already. The procedure is almost done, wait for two more months and I’ll get a French nationality. I think I need this place to heal me.

 

-... Fine... But do you want to get your friends’s stuffs? Give me your address quickly!

 

- Okay hyung, that’s ABC street XYZ Paris.

 

- Okay, I’ll send you tomorrow. I’m going to hang up right now, it’s expensive calling abroad. Goodbye sweetie.

 

- Goodbye hyung!

 

Taking the phone back to the pocket, Kyung fainted a smile on his lips. He took a deep breath, feeling the cool air of Paris in his lungs to cool his body down. When he first time set his foot here he felt very warm, the scenery, the atmosphere, the people, even the trees and the flowers were like warming his heart. Like city gave him a sincere embrace and soothed his painful burnt heart in his darkest time. Maybe that’s because there’s nothing to remind him about the memories he had with a person, someone he wanted to forget in the rest of his life.

 

---

 

Somewhere in Korea.

 

- Did you take a note of his address yet?

 

- Yes hyung. Thank you a lot.

 

- That’s the only thing I can do for you, you can bring him back or not, that all depends on you. Now go.

 

- I know, I’ll come home to book a ticket right now. Thanks again hyung. Goodbye.

 

Jiho left Yukwon’s place with a smile that he hasn’t had for a long time. The sunlight following him as it carpeted through his way.

 

- Stay still Choddong, I’m packing my stuffs for this seems to be a long journey. - he lovingly placed the dog into the cage. - What? I know you want to meet him again, and me too. We will catch him this time, I promise. A promise with all my life.

 

END.