DISPATCH “KIM JUNMYEON ENDS SUCCESFUL PROMOTIONS FOR “DEAR YOU.”

[+1457, -68] Congrats on another successful comeback our angel!

[+897, -175] Our Junmyeon did not disappoint with this one. The album is solid as usual and the songs are perfect for the season. Her haters can say whatever they like, we won’t stop loving our angel. Until the next comeback!

[+384, -1457] thank god, her promotions are over. I’m tired of seeing her face always. What a pretentious .

June 7, 2014. 1:04 AM

The woman onstage smiles, crooning the softest musical note as she strums the acoustic guitar on her lap. She continues to sing for a nonexistent audience, her face serene. Tendrils of her long hair, bleached to platinum perfection, fall from the loose ponytail as she ends the song with another soft smile. After a few moments she stands up from her small wooden stool and bows to the men handling the camera.

“Thank you for your hard work.” She says and exits the stage.

Manager Wu Yifan watches as Junmyeon descends from the stage with her usual graceful stance and almost dainty steps. Yifan does not notice the uniform look of awe the camera men have as they watch Junmyeon leave the stage because Yifan is focused, too focused, at the way Junmyeon gradually lose her usual grace and hunches all the way to her backstage dressing room.

It is a few minutes after one in the morning and the studio is dreadfully frigid but Junmyeon endured. It was the last stage of her recent comeback, the song she performed being the carrier track of her latest multi-million seller album. It looked so easy, as if producing an album that would appeal to millions across the globe was a task done in a day’s work. Yifan smiles wryly, it is easy she is Kim Junmyeon after all, Asia’s best and finest and every possible synonym to greatness can be alluded to her name.

Yifan does not move from his spot, earlier he’d noticed that Junmyeon screwed up one of her vocal adlibs, might be because of the coldness of the room affecting . Yifan had in mind to mention it to her but decided against it after. She is tired; he isn’t heartless.

He leaves the audience stand and moves with quick steps to Junmyeon’s dressing room. The singer half splayed on the leather couch is what Yifan sees the moment he steps inside. They share a look, a muted greeting of sorts and Yifan silently goes and grabs Junmyeon’s pills –Yifan doesn’t know what these small colorful tablets are for or what they are in general. All that Junmyeon’s told him is that they are prescribed by her doctor. Yifan doesn’t believe her but he doesn’t say anything else –and a small thermos full of lemon tea. He hands them to her and Junmyeon says another muted ‘thank you.’

Yifan watches as Junmyeon downs three of the medicine tablets with the lemon tea. Her pallor is ghastly, a shade just a bit darker than ivory under the harsh fluorescent lighting of the room. Yifan seats himself beside her and Junmyeon automatically leans her tired, weary body on the older.

“Manager ssi.”

Yifan rolls his eyes at the name. Junmyeon had wanted to call him manager oppa before but it made Yifan’s skin crawl, it sounded like he was a erted old man so they both decided to negate it and Junmyeon had settled for Manager ssi since then.

Yifan adjusts their position and makes Junmyeon rest her head on top of his thighs, nobody bats an eyelash at the action. Junmyeon has been naturally clingy. Yifan has been dealing with her touches for the past six years and Junmyeon’s whole attending staff doesn’t care about the two’s seemingly intimate relationship. They don’t question the two simply because they do not want to meddle into Junmyeon’s rather convoluted life.

There’s no relationship except artist-manager however, and Yifan does not entirely care what others think. He does not hold any interest of the sort for Junmyeon and has always seen her as his younger sister.

But Yifan cares very deeply for Junmyeon and that is the simple, unerring truth.

“It’s your goodbye stage.” Yifan starts, loosening the tie holding Junmyeon’s hair. “What do you wanna eat?”

Junmyeon smiles, “Pork.”

//

August 3, 2014. 2:35 PM

Yifan stares at Junmyeon from across the oval conference table and slowly directs his gaze to the five important looking people around it.

The memo told him about a meeting, time and place. It didn’t tell him that the higher ups are planning to change something. Yifan thinks it is going to ruin him, whatever the bosses are planning, it’s going to ruin him.

They will give Junmyeon a new concept, a fantastic change in image, as what they said. Yifan again stares at the said singer, her face bare of any trace of makeup up sans the thin film of strawberry lip balm she wears. Yifan knows its strawberry because he purchased it himself. Junmyeon does not look bothered, she sits there and lets the higher ups decide what to do with her career and lets them be.

Yifan always wondered when she’d stopped caring.

She had been passionate. She were hands on for her first album and she loved it despite the fact that it didn’t break expectations. It was a lost cause, they said but at least Junmyeon had the same brightness to her that Yifan hasn’t seen for a long time now. 

“Fine,” Junmyeon breathes, looking a lot more resigned, “let’s change it then. I’m tired of doing the same thing over and over again anyway.”

In the next few weeks, Yifan witnesses such a shocking change in Junmyeon’s physical appearance.

In the duration of her career, she’d always been the type to wield acoustic guitars and dance on tennis shoes. She is twenty-six but she constantly looked like a al, faultless pre-pubescent girl that seemed to appeal to millions. Yifan gives her credit for that.

And they changed her alright. Starting with her hair that’s always been blonde, brown or various shades of pastel through the years is now back to its natural obsidian shade cut shorter that it falls right on top of her narrow shoulders.  Gone is the long platinum blonde hair that Yifan always loved.

Yifan couldn’t say he misses it though because Junmyeon looked a lot more her age, mature, beautiful not pretty.

It was just the beginning.

//

NewsEn “Kim Junmyeon graces the red carpet for Busan International Film Festival.”

[+3249, -156] Omg, omg, omg. Was that Kim Junmyeon, what happened to her? What’s with the makeup? And has anyone seen her black hair since like 2008? Oh my god.

[+1267, -34] what the fck, was that Kim Junmyeon? O_o

[+1190, -25] well this is interesting.

August 17, 2014. 7:00 PM

Junmyeon attends a film festival that night.  She looked…daunting.

Just a few months ago during the annual MAMAs, she’d graced the red carpet with her usual infallible innocent fashion. A dainty peach dress and light makeup.

Innocent, pretty, graceful.

Yifan couldn’t say the same thing now because Junmyeon wears her makeup like a shield. Intense eyes lined with dark kohl and bloody red lips. She is dressed in a tight, black, lace dress that covered her neck but bared her pristine backside.

“Manager ssi.”

Yifan looks at her but avoids glancing down her neck. He swore to every deity he knows that he doesn’t try and think about Junmyeon’s body under all those loose, wispy clothes before. He couldn’t avoid it now, he is still a man after all. 

“Do I look fine?”

More than fine.

“Of course you look fine.” Yifan answers hoping to conceal the desire in his voice, he wants to ing kick himself. Of course she’d look fine, she is twenty-six at the peak of her evanescent superficial beauty.

She will look more than ing fine. 

Thankfully, thankfully. The vehicle stops and Yifan hears Junmyeon’s long intake of breath. She is nervous, her fingertips visibly shaking.

“You know what, just rock that dress and blow them all away.”

Junmyeon looks at him before she leans in, planting her unmoving lips beside his mouth. “Thanks, Yifan.”

Yifan still reels from the contact long after the event ended.

The media labels the change as the ‘metamorphosis’ Yifan rolls his eyes at the sheer stupidity of it.

//

August 28, 2014. 11: 23 PM

A plethora of theories regarding Junmyeon’s sudden change generates a considerable amount of public commotion through the internet, both negative and positive. Kim Junmyeon is yet again, the talk of the town and Yifan doesn’t even care. His biggest problem centered on the artist herself.

The face of Yifan’s digital wristwatch, glares a white 11:23 PM. He stands up and groans, rubbing at his eyes like a child would. He’d slept on the bench outside Junmyeon’s practice room and the light filtering out of the frosted glass door hurts Yifan’s eyes and the music mutedly reverberating outside the deserted hallway feels too loud in Yifan’s ears. The beat is fast paced and heavy, the bass a bit too powerful, Yifan ignores it as he enters just as the music abruptly halts to a stop. Junmyeon is lying on the floor, face up. Her face bare of makeup and her dark hair up in a loosened knot. Sweat comes down her face in rivulets, she looks breathtaking.

Yifan is in danger.

“What are you doing here?” Junmyeon rasps, heaving herself up.

Yifan has no definite answer for the question so he shrugs and tosses Junmyeon a towel to wipe the sweat off her face. “I thought they were giving you a slow, sensual R&B track for your comeback.” Yifan says and consequently cringes at his own description which sounded like he read it off a cue card. He hands Junmyeon her colorful pills and Junmyeon caps it down with her favorite lemon tea which obviously had gone stale.

“Yeah it is a ‘slow, sensual R&B track.’” Junmyeon wipes with the back of her hand. “Wanna see the choreo of it.”

Yifan nods mindlessly, facing away from Junmyeon that he doesn’t see the singer strap on a pair of red heels and drag a chair to the center of the room. When Yifan looks back the music drops. The beginnings of a slow R&B track with muted hints of jazz oscillates through the room but Yifan doesn’t hear it, his focus zooming onto Junmyeon and Junmyeon alone.

Yifan, in that moment, decides that staring at Junmyeon during that time was one of his worst life decisions.

The dance was subdued. Junmyeon’s sits on the chair, with her thighs parted, bracketing both sides of it. Her eyes are closed as she mouths the lyrics and in one point her pony tail completely loosens letting her hair frame her face in utmost perfection.

Yifan could’ve sworn that his heart had stopped. It is entirely the most scene he’s witnessed in the last twenty-eight years of his life. Junmyeon wore no revealing clothing, her face absolutely void of makeup, but in that moment Yifan had never seen someone so beautiful.

So fleetingly beautiful.

The music stops but Yifan feels as though the very core of his principles is shaken to little bits and pieces, he feels as if he is committing a big offense against the very god he doesn’t believe in.

The both of them stay silent.

“So manager ssi,” Junmyeon lifts herself from the seat, “What do you think about it?”

This woman is going to kill me.

“It was great Junmyeon.” Yifan answers. “It was great.”

“I hope my fans will love it. It’s not entirely out of my comfort zone but then again I’ve been known as the most pretentious in this industry, my fans will probably consider this a huge culture shock.” Junmyeon smiles thoughtfully, “anyhow, I’d love it if they’d love it too. It’s my final gift.”

Yifan always admired this particular character of the singer. In a grueling do or die industry what’s important is you sell what you put out. Junmyeon, however, from the start is always considerate of what her audience would love. Her logic defies the principle of a musician but Junmyeon had told him that what fans would like is more important than how she wants her music to turn out, in the first place she doesn’t even entirely have the control to it anyway

.

She does things with infallible sincerity that almost seemed pretentious. 

Maybe it’s one of the reasons that catapulted her to the top.

“they’ll love it.” Yifan states and tosses Junmyeon a change of clothes. “Change then let’s end practice today.” Yifan exits the room.

//

Newsen: “Kim Junmyeon releases teaser photos for “Persona” ahead of September comeback.”

[+3457, -345] I don’t recognize her but I don’t care I’m sure she’ll nail this as always. Plus it doesn’t look tacky and cheap like what others put out. She looks sophisticated.

[2789, -704] She’s not the same Junmyeon I’ve loved since debut, but this looks infinitely interesting.

[1849, -189] I’ve never been this excited for Junmyeon’s comeback before. She looks beautiful and mature and it’s about time SMX change something about her.

August 30, 2014. 9:05 PM

The music video filming comes two days later and Yifan feels a kind of dread run cold down his spine. He’d seen the set for the carrier single, a plain white room with a dark chair in the middle of it. It looked different from the chair Junmyeon had used two days prior.

The director wanted to give the video a raw feel to it by highlighting the dance and Junmyeon’s expressions.

The singer appears in the simplest look she had yet. Junmyeon’s makeup only defined by her stark red lipstick, her top a nondescript white button-up and pants that accentuated her legs like second skin. The outfit is completed by the same pair of red heels Yifan had seen. She is beautiful.

“Filming commences in five minutes, please standby.”

As soon as the cameras roll, the constant low buzzing around the studio considerably tones down. Everyone in the room stares at Junmyeon, who starts dancing like no one’s watching. Eyes are transfixed and breaths held as the low beat drops. Yifan feels an overwhelming sense of jealousy as everyone share a look of uniform enthrallment at the absolute spectacle before them.

Just like that, Yifan wished the room was empty. He wishes that no one could hear Junmyeon’s sensuous vocals as it resounds through the space. Junmyeon still dances with that subdued ism that almost made Yifan’s heart stop.

Something snaps.

Yifan suddenly wants Junmyeon’s sultry gaze only directed to him, he wants Junmyeon.

The realization comes like a slew of rocks thrown on Yifan’s face. He can’t pinpoint what made him snap this time, maybe it’s the sudden change of image, Junmyeon needing his touch almost constantly and this sudden want or a combination of everything.

After six years of artist-manager relationship, Kim Junmyeon finally makes him snap and Yifan knew what that meant with horrifying clarity.

“.” And the manager exits the studio, fingers itching to light a cigarette.

//

Yifan changes after he realizes the desire that he’d been harboring for god knows how long. He shies away from unnecessary skin contact that he’d indulged Junmyeon for years before the agency decided to screw with his head. He performs his duties with rigid precision and he hates himself for it.

“What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing, I just need someone to… I don’t know hold on to I guess. I’m tired.”

Yifan sighs and lets the 22 year old lean against him. “Don’t you think this is weird though, what will your staff say?”

“I don’t know Manager ssi, I just need someone to hold on to, someone to ground me. It’s scary you know, on that stage there’s literally thousands looking up at you, they’re all a bunch of blurry faces but I know that one of them or all of them are just waiting for the right chance to see me slip up. Just one chance to see their perfect little doll show human flaws and that’s it. I’m scared because I know that one day I can never reach what is expected of me. And in this moment I just needed someone to hold me back and tell me that I’m human and it’s okay to fail.”

“So do you expect that of me, Junmyeon?”

“You’re the only available person close enough Manager ssi, so yeah.”

Yifan snaps out of the sudden memory. He knew all the reasons to Junmyeon’s need to touch and for years now Yifan knew the woman held no ulterior motives. She needed someone to ground her as simply as that. She needs someone who wouldn’t think of her as the flawless creature, someone who regards her as a human being, someone who’s just…there.

Yifan doesn’t want to admit but he misses the heat radiating from Junmyeon’s body despite recording in frigid studios, her small breath of utter contentment when every time she gets to lean against Yifan. But Yifan couldn’t have that again because he realized that he did uphold Junmyeon as some kind of untouchable deity. 

Year after year of seeing Junmyeon perform concepts with perfectly childlike innocence, he, like all others, came to believe that Junmyeon is another human incapable of flaw. He couldn’t believe that he’d warped his own thoughts of Kim Junmyeon to preserve the same innocence which millions adored her for.

And for that reason Yifan never bothered to pry his way into Junmyeon’s private life. He doesn’t know about Junmyeon’s fleeting relationships and never knew if Junmyeon welcomed strangers for random encounters. Yifan isn’t blind to idol’s reality when it comes to relationships and . He knows that most of them avoid it all together just to cement their precarious reputation in an ever changing industry, and with entertainment agencies breathing down their necks and the media’s eyes on them on every waking moment they rather abstain and do nothing.

It’s just another thing to give up for a dream.

And this dream, this dream that destroys more than it cultivates.

Yifan sometimes pity the kids, young trainees b of hope. When these children are forced to grow up way too early for the sake of their lofty ambitions, these ambitions that turn into a beautiful nightmare that destroys from the inside out, when the cheers hurt their ears instead of inspiring them to do better, when the stage lights become blinding, when they look into the mirror and fail to recognize themselves.

He is ashamed that even an insider in the industry like he is, has been swayed by Junmyeon’s superficial image. The same image that the agency concocted for her, the same persona that she is forced to embody regardless if she loathes it or not.

Yifan sometimes wonder if Junmyeon’s dreams are inherently destroying her too.

It’s honestly revolting that the person Junmyeon trusted that’ll understand the things that made her human doesn’t even know her.

Yifan is ashamed of himself that he is attracted to her like a moth to flame, he’s afraid that when he gives in, he’ll burn the both of them.

i lied prolly three chapters  epilogue