Snow is beginning to cover the grey cement outside and Christmas day soon arrives, and Sehun is not surprised to find his house bare and cold, nothing like the cozy, laughter-filled homes he would walk past every day, returning from school and rigorous Academic Decathlon practice. He wakes up in his still dark room, curtains drawn and walls white and undecorated. He barely glances at the closed door across the hallway as he makes his way down the stairs, grabbing a slice of bread and stuffing it in his mouth, washing it down with a glass of cold milk.

He rips off a post it note from the pad stuck on the refrigerator and scrawls,

I’m going out, I’ll be home late.

He knows it will find its home in the trashcan later, barely even looked at, and he knows that he doesn’t have to write a note since no one will miss him, but he does anyways. He also toasts another piece of bread, laying out various jams and butter and pouring another cup of milk, heating it up.

Then, he hears footsteps sound on the staircase as he bundles himself up in overcoats and scarves. He’s out the door before they reach the bottom, and like he does every year, he leaves a small box wrapped in red cellophane on the coffee table.

He knows it will still be there when he gets back, but he puts it there anyways.

“NOOO!! GIVE ME BACK MY ALBUM—DON’T PUT IT TH—YOU’RE GETTING IT DIR—…I hate you.”

Baekhyun flops back onto the couch in Chanyeol’s living room and glares daggers at everyone who looks at him. His new TaeTiSeo’s Twinkle CD lays in the middle of chip crumbs and salsa dip. He feels like crying and blames everything on Chanyeol who just has to laugh while eating (it’s disgusting, and food flies out of his mouth).

Sehun laughs nervously and scoots a few inches away from Baekhyun, staring at the wall and begging it for help. Baekhyun looks pointedly at him.

“Hey, maknae, don’t you think that’s rude?” He says, pointing an accusing finger at Sehun. “Get your back here and talk to me; I don’t bite.”

Startled, Sehun blinks a few times before immediately moving back to Baekhyun’s side, sitting straight as a stick and still staring straight ahead. Baekhyun laughs and whacks him on the shoulder a few times.

“Loosen up dude, it’s Christmas. We can’t have a Christmas party with you sitting here all uptight,” Baekhyun says loudly, popping open another can of coke. “Yah, Park Chanyeol, I saw that! Hands off my CD! Kyungsoo, would you clean up the table and wipe my CD? And make sure Chanyeol does not touch it.”

Kyungsoo sighs wearily and untangles himself from the bundle of blankets he wrapped himself in. Baekhyun nods at him, satisfied, before turning back to Sehun.

“So, opened any Christmas presents yet?” Baekhyun asked, gesturing to his TTS CD. “My mom bought that for me,” he declares proudly.

Sehun stiffens up considerably for a few seconds before forcing himself to relax. He opens his mouth to reply that no, he has not gotten any presents because there’s no one to give him any, and the only person that would is probably too busy with work to even care¸ but promptly, a package is dropped into his lap.

He looks up, surprised, as Baekhyun snorts and returns to screaming at Chanyeol over some other trivial thing.

“Merry Christmas,” Luhan says cheerfully, nodding at the present. “Open it.”

Sehun picks up the box gingerly, but doesn’t open it. He looks at Luhan.

“I,” he his lips. “I don’t have a present for you.”

Luhan laughs.

“It doesn’t matter,” he says earnestly, sitting himself next to Sehun.

“I…” Sehun begins, ready to protest and say that he really couldn’t accept it, but Luhan cuts him off.

“Just open it,” Luhan whines, wriggling in his seat. “Hurry!”

Sehun looks at the box for a while before nodding. “Okay.”

He rips off the wrapping paper carefully, placing the sticky ribbon flower to the side. Luhan takes it and playfully sticks it on Sehun’s sweater sleeve as Sehun lifts the lid of the brown box. He blinks and slowly lifts out what’s inside as Luhan bounces up and down next to him.

“Do you like it, do you like it?” Luhan urges, nudging him and poking him with every word.

“It’s… really… cute,” Sehun says truthfully as he turns the stuffed deer in his hands.

“It is, huh?” Luhan says excitedly before chuckling. “It’s for you to remember me.”

Sehun looks at Luhan curiously, wondering why a deer would remind him of Luhan and why Luhan even cared for Sehun to remember him. Luhan replies by tracing something on the coffee table.

“Lu…han,” he says slowly, finishing the last of the second character with a flourish. “That’s my name in Chinese.” He thinks for a minute. “I’m Chinese,” he adds, almost like an after thought.

“I know,” Sehun says softly under his breath. “Lu… han…?”

His words are accented and unsure, but Luhan grins widely and throws an arm around Sehun’s shoulders.

“Yup! The first word is deer, hence, the plushie.”

Luhan reaches over and takes the plushie, waving it in Sehun’s face and making it trot and dance on his lap. Sehun squirms from the tickly feeling but doesn’t stop the smile creeping onto his face as Luhan spreads the deer’s arms (legs?) wide and makes it hug Sehun.

“Sehunnie~ Luhan loves you,” Luhan says playfully, grinning up at Sehun, smile and words blinding and angelic, stealing away Sehun’s breath.

Sehun watches Luhan fiddle with the deer, feeling his heart swell with an emotion he can’t explain, one so unfamiliar to him that it is almost frightening for him, for someone who hates the unknown. He is torn between embracing the feeling that is beckoning him—almost like the light at the end of a long, dark, seemingly endless tunnel—and shrinking away from it, turning his head and lowering his eyes, never to acknowledge it, blocking it out with every fiber of his being. In the end, he can only stare into Luhan’s large, chocolate orbs as he blinks up at him.

“Sehun, what’s wrong?” He asks, eyebrows furrowing so preciously with worry and concern, hand reaching up to lightly brush Sehun’s bangs from his eyes.

It is the contact of skin that tears Sehun out of his reverie, making him flinch and back away ever so discreetly—though it is not missed by Luhan. He draws away, confusion written over his face, but he doesn’t question it, and soon, he is smiling and packing the deer away into the box again. Sehun finds himself being dragged to the kitchen where Kyungsoo has made it his haven, nibbling away on the batch of freshly baked brownies, courtesy of Chanyeol’s mother and Kyungsoo himself. Luhan waltzes past the plate and whisks two away, stuffing one to Sehun, insisting for him to try it with large, pleading, and much too innocent eyes.

Sehun, unable to resist the look Luhan was giving him, bites into the warm brownie, chocolate melting on his tongue. Luhan laughs at the crumbs dribbling from the side of Sehun’s mouth, and grabs a napkin, dabbing at the corner of his lips. This time, Sehun does not flinch, nor does he move away, but he simply stands there, a type of soft and adoring awe filling his eyes as he watches Luhan.

When Luhan pulls away to sling an arm around Kyungsoo and gush about how delicious the brownies were, Sehun find himself missing Luhan’s warm touch as a feeling almost like jealousy swirls around in his chest. And with a simple smile thrown his way by an angel named Luhan, the feeling disappears, and an unexplainable happiness takes its place.

It is then when Sehun realizes that Luhan probably means something to him, something too important and too precious, something he probably should avoid but is unavoidable.

Luhan walks him home again that night, eyes flickering curiously to the dark windows, no presence of light and warmth. Sehun knows it’s going to be a silent, cold night again, but for now, Luhan’s beside him, and for some reason, with Luhan beside him, he feels just a bit warmer, just a bit happier, and despite the fact that they’re in the middle of winter, he thinks that he can almost see spring.