— DESTROYED TAINTED ROSES —
I believe that we once a miracle but when we lost, nothing else remains

The sound of birds chirping wakes her from the dreamland that separate reality and fantasy.A place that if she could , she want to live there forever.Not meeting the reality that awaits for her every time.She's even tired to open her eyes,seeing her dark future.She never imagine to reach this phase of life.She's young and fresh.It's not fair to live in this life.Alone under the moonlight, lost in the nightmare and it repeats all time.

    
Tick Tock Tick Tock

  Even the clock is louder than her weak vioce.She's sick.Sick of being stupid.Like a fool,she keep on wanting something that she could never had.She's no longer a child.She's a grown up adult but somehow,she still immature and she knows it.No one could help but her.

   Every memory is precious yet dangerous.

    "Jiho ah,did I wake you up?"

  The sound of door opening distracting her.But she could see a woman in her 40s behind the big door.Even under the dark room,she still could see her worry face.

     "No .. Leave me alone please."

   She did try but still,her vioce is weak.Great thing is that woman or she should call as her mother could hear what is she talking.

    "Come one,dear.Don't harm yourself.Let me feed you some,hmm?"

   Quietness is all over the room.She mentally cried once again but of course,tears can't even fall at this rate.Knocking through her heart.Again,nothing could help but her just like before.

    As she was facing the other direction from the woman,she can only feel that she is approaching her and quietly sit beside her.A sigh escaped from her.

    "Somehow,I can understand you dear.But please,I beg you.Don't force yourself.Nothing would change but your life."

    'I know,mother.But my heart doesn't want to follow my brain.I couldn't do anything.'

  Jiho could only speak in her mind.Too weak to even let out her beautiful vioce.Again,that leads the conversation to a quiet atmosphere.Only the sound of clock can be heard.

   "I'll go first.If you need anything don't hesititate to tell me.".With a wide smile on her semi wrinkled face.It's enough to say how much she loves her only daughter,nothing could described how worried she is when Jiho keep on acting this way.

  With the door closed,she room went back dark like before.The sun is already up but due to the thick curtain covering the whole room,no light could shine except for the room's itself.

   She's back on facing the ceiling.Her big round eyes wonder all over the room and so,another big sigh escaped.She doesn't even know why she force herself like this though she swear to herself once to always love herself.But obviously she break that promise of her.She's hurting herself countlessly.

   Ring Ring Ring

 The sound of her phone distract her once again.Reaching that small thing,she look at the dialer but it turns out that the call is off.Not wanting to know the dialer is,she just let it like that.Continue thinking about her future life that she doesn't seem to even imagine to have a bright path.It's hard.Losing her confidence,she didn't know if she can even woke up from the bed.

   "Why?"

 

- Flashback -

'Following the moon then lost between the stars'

 That's what the book says and somehow Jiho did agree with that statement.It's an old book and every page almost gone.But this sentence catch her from the start.

  "Whose is this?"

 She keep on holding that book carefully as it's already old.She then try to remember back who could own this type of book.She's the only child there and obviously it won't be hers.Thinking about both of her parents,they are not a book lover.Rarely to see them hold a book especially the fiction one.

  She could only browsing the thick book.As for a few seconds,she heard a foot steps coming through her bright room.Jiho quickly hide the book as she clearly know who is coming.The door opened to reveal that person.

  "Jiho ah!"

 A wide smile then appeared on her beutiful face.Meeting that person is not easy like before.And so,she would love to spend some quality times with him.

   "Hey hey ~ How are you,dear?"

       "Fine like always."

 Him,Han Sanghyuk.The best cousin ever of Jiho.Well,so far,he is the only cousin who is around her age.The others are much younger and Jiho finds it really awkward.She's not familiar growing up with kids so yeah.

   But both of them did grow up together.Their mother are siblings and Jiho's mother is older but that never be a reason to make them awkward.Their relationship is no more than a friend.Even Hyuk himself has a girlfriend.But they didn't denied the fact that sometimes act like a couple.No,it's more to a love from a brother to the sister, according to both of them.

  "How about her?"

     "How about him?"

  Their laughters can be heard.So loud and bright.Well,no secrets between them.This kind of conversation could lead them in fighting though but in the end the result in unpredictable.

   "Come one,is things okay with her?".Jiho continue asking.Her hands then pick up a small round pillow to put it on her laps.

     "Of course!Our love is getting hotter and hotter~"

   "Tch.Are you even sure?"

 He only nod with a slight smile but could describe a thousands meaning.He did look happy these days.And Jiho also did feel the same .. before.Her big eyes could show a lot of meanings too.

   "Mine is .. .We broke up."

 

 Jiho sigh once again remembering her love life that already come to the end.A sad ending awaits her from the start even though they promise not to let each other go.Yeah,love is a lie then for her.It's hard to open her heart and once it lets every type of loves come , something broke it up.

           Do Kyungsoo.

  A healing name.She often feels happy and fluttering whenever she heard this name but something about it to make her feel so painful.Like it's a sharp knife to cut her.

 "Can I hate you now? You  .. broke our promise .."

Jiho keep on playing with her hair. Her life is a messy now.Never ever she feels this weak and expressionless. Even to smile,she doesn't have energy left.

  "But I let you go first."

  She admit that she is so stupid at the moment. But that time, she was not in her right mind. And continue blaming him.Though,she clearly the one who honestly give up first.Another big sigh escaped.She stare at the shows that keep appearing in the big television. 

'We used to be together ..'

 The thoughts of you come back in my mind.Like a flashback,I remember all of your thoughtful actions,your sweet scent,your innocent yet killer smile.All of them.I can clearly draw you with my own imagination.Even though we never meet again for years.Why did this world hate us so much,my dear?Never I thought I would be this worst in my life.I don't even think of anything else,I don't even have anything to think about.

  Today is just like yesterday.Not a single thing has changed.So why do I'm like this ..?

   The same show appeared on the television.Not even attract me from the start.Suddenly my mind is full of the memories that we used to create .. here.Yes,the same place,the same condition and even .. the same person.I'll never go anywhere.Trust me.

  We used to laugh together.We used to smile together.But when tears fall down,why do I'm alone? Where are you?

   You're such a jerk.But at the same time,you're also the greatest guy I ever meet.Scribbles of your beautiful name,it's all over the place.

  So tell me .. how to hate you? How ..? Don't act like this is nothing.You know how much I miss your sweet touch.Even though I act like I've already move on,you know me too well,dear.

  To be honest,I miss you badly.I want to see you badly.I want to cry on your shoulders.I want to do everything with you .. Can't I?

For you,I'll try to smile,I'll try .. But I'm weaker that what you think.

 

 It's all start when Kyungsoo himself state that he was no longer feel anything, get tired of the relationship that they had bulit for the past 3 years.He changed everything. The loving tone, the lovely gaze, the happy smile. It's now a formal tone, sharp gaze and there's no more smile representing his hidden feelings.

  "I'm sorry"

That's all to be said and Jiho still didn't want to believe it. She knows him too well and it's all a lie.

"You did nothing wrong,you can blame me. I'm no longer confident with my feelings so,from hurting you more,it's better to end this."

 Tears almost fall the moment he said that clearly without any regret written on his face.Her big round eyes now holding lots of tears, dissapointed with the guy in front of her. She wants time to stop.She wants to know everything. What did excatly happen. Where's the old Kyungsoo who love her so much?

 "Then what am I to you?"

 He's remain expressionless which hurts Jiho more. She really hope that he is joking right now.It's not funny at all. Deep in her heart, she wished badly that he would try to at least clear his heart so that he could save this almost broken relationship.

  "You're just someone I know .. right now"

 And that's it,she knows that this is the end.No longer able to control her tears, it bursts down and with a slight smirk,she look back at him.

 "How stupid am I to hope for you to continue this rtelationship. Thank you for all of those memories that we created.Also,thank you for today.For leeting me know how excatly going on in your heart.I really thought youth is the most great moment in my life but you destroyed it.Let's not meet again, Kyungsoo ssi"

 And there's tears rolling down on her reddish cheeks as she get out from his sight.


One thing she never know, there also someone who suffer in his own lies.It's the worst day of his life. The day where he get what he want but at the same time eating his own life.

  There's a lot he want to say.

But he just can't. There's too much things that need him to leave the girl that he loved the most.He couldn't tell her to stay.At least he won't make her suffer more .. right?

Farewell always there and he knows it.Nothing he could do about it. Dissapoint with himself for not doing anything to survive in this reality. Just one thing  for now. He wants her to be happy. Forgetting him.

Knowing the fact that he can't do anything, it's hurts too much.

'I'll let you go,but promise me.Please be happy'

  Because of the fear that my decision will send me far away from you. But it also cause my world crashed down in one moment.You're the one who left first but I'm more sorry for the fact that I'm the one who break our precious promise to not let go of our hand.Time has frozen but I'm that stupid to not begged for your forgiveness, to make myself forget you.

While you leave, sprinkle on top the memories that we made with love broken one by one.

  I'm gone, but it's okay as the memories still inside my broken heart.Perhaps .. do you want to come back to me? I don't think it's a right idea.

  I'm a jerk.Don't .. believe me anymore.

  Whenever I'm with you,I feel like I'm the happiest man in the world.Disspearing inside the darkness, I don't think I can ever face you again.


 Everything is falling down, I'm too scared to fix it anymore.

    Shine a light on me so that I can go peacefully.


 The end of love is a goodbye as tears fall down

 Precious memory of me is the moment where we shows our affection clearly.Nothing can explained the feel.And so,goodbye dear.

 

 

Jiho couldn't help but only cry. The news of him breaks her heart so much. It's been two times.Two freaking times where she was hurt badly.Is she that bad to recieve this type of revenge. Say like it's really a revenge where it's not.

Once again, she's a mess right now. It's even worse than before.

She vaguely remember, as if it was yesterday she met him. How she loves the fact that both of them has big eyes. And she a lot because of his height. Nothing that she didn't remember. The memories is playing again and again. The things that she's thankful. Does time machine exist?

If it is, she would do anything to fix , to beg for his love again.

'It's a dream right?'

 This is too cruel. She's only a girl not yet a woman but all of this is too sudden.

'No, you can do this. You just need to live, to breathe. No more than that.

Can't I? Isn't this better to completely for get him? 
I'm not that strong to just endure and live like nothing happen.

I can right?'

"Jiho ah, are you okay?"

No,she can't. The worry tone of her mother is too much.She burst into tears once again. It's too late to regret for anything.Mentally screaming.Her red eyes continue shedding tears.

"He's gone. Let him go peacefully."

The fact that she can't even promise herself to be happy hurts more. Nothing she could do and she hates it.

It's too late, he's already gone 

Over a year ago, and just now. Just now she know that he's died.

 

- Present -

  "Hi?"

 She place a bouquet of white roses on the grave carefully.Her eyes landed on the view in front of her.It's a nice day and it's been almost 4 years since he gone.

 And she has to admit that she already move on from everything.She has a new life at least, according to Jiho herself.

  One thing she learn from all of  the incident, she knows she grow matured than before. No longer crying and crying all day. She learn to accept the truth. Not being a childish immatured girl but to a sophisticated lady.

  And she has to thank Kyungsoo for teaching to be more independent. If she was never met him before, maybe her childish is going worst.

 'Let's not fall in love if we meet once again in our second life'

 She smiled remembering their precious memories that once makes her flutters like numerous time.The white roses she bought a while ago. It has a lot meaning for Jiho.

The mysterious book that she found years ago.Now, she knows who is the rightful owner.

Do Kyungsoo

 Well, considering that he loves reading stuff like that, it's not a really shocking thing for her. But something keep on playing in her mind ; how did that book end up with her?

 She did search something about that book and it's sort of motivation book and Jiho glad that she did try to read it even though it's almost torn.Thanks to that,she was able to move on step by step from Kyungsoo.But there's one thing that makes Jiho loves him more.

 The last page where he placed dried flowers where it looks perfectly done and clearly it's a white rose as he state it himself on the page.It amaze Jiho on how well Kyungsoo is with stuff like that and it still look pretty.Scarily beautiful.Those flowers must be representing something that Jiho doesn't know and it's a pity that she didn't get to know it. But she is one hundred percent sure that it's a good thing knowing that white roses representing purity. Well, some sites that Jiho happen to look says that it could also represent death.

 "It's been years right? It seems like yesterday that I know you."

   "Things are going well with me and I always hope the best for you."

  She then stand up and hold someone's hand to be introduced.

    "Anyway ,meet my fiancee, Moon Bin."
 

We walk different path, in this world where we don't even know
 — THE END —