02: Close

Cause space is just a word made up by someone who's afraid to get too... Close

-Nick Jonas, Close ft. Tove Lo

***

Park Shinhye's POV

February 19, 2016

I woke up and the left side of the bed startled by the warmth I felt. 

The wind was so cold I can feel myself trembling yet someone was giving me warmth.

It was foreign but very familiar for me.

Since it was just years before when someone used to sleep beside me. 

And here she goes sleeping so innocently with her curly eyelashes, reddening cheeks and her lips which is seemingly soft like a pink cotton candy. 

She was beautiful with her imperfect traits; her skin which seems to be like a milk. 

I continued to stare at her and for the time since I was conscious enough to feel, she moved a little closer to me; wanting to feel a mother's warmth. 

She was just so serene to look at I can't help but to caress her silky hair and touch her face with the back of my left hand. 

I remembered then how a mother always felt the connection within her child. 

Whether there was love or hate, a certain string was always attached between a mother and her child. 

I retrieved my hand from caressing her and stared at the window not far from our bed; I reminisced then how I used to be motherly and tender towards a child.

Yet I can't bear to look at my daughter again.

She always remind me of awful things and of how I slowly drifted away from Yonghwa.

I was glad that she was keeping our marriage sane because if she wasn't born, I am no longer Yonghwa's wife.

But then, Am I still Yonghwa's wife after what happened to our family? 

I sighed and let my daughter be as she snuggled closer to me, her forehead bumping straight to my chest.  

I don't know if I can still be the same.

***

Early in the morning, I finally stood from the bed and made my way towards our bathroom right after our walk-in-closet.

I stared at the mirror and looked at myself with uncertain emotion. 

I hope Yonghwa would consider moving into a much bigger apartment because it would save me from feeling all kinds of uncomfortable feelings if I continued sleeping with my daughter.

By midnight though, I stirred and felt the bed lighten for someone must've stood up. I saw Yonghwa then carrying one pillow and blanket, guessing him to sleep in our living room.

Well the bed was big enough for the three of us I just don't know what goes on to my husband's mind. 

Before when we were still in college, I met him as a person who was very warm, funny, yet conceited. Although a lot of ladies taught him to be a fine man, he was always shy towards the female popularity. 

I don't exactly know how we became friends turned to lovers when our worlds were unlikely to collide; I was a proffessional dancer and he was a nurse by the time we decided to tie the knot. 

He always told me before that the last thing he regretted during our young adult days was marrying me. 

And although the future for the both of us is unclear, I hope I can find myself and love myself more.

I know to myself that there were a lot of things I'm lacking into and that I was always kind of selfish.

As I continued to stare in the mirror, I no longer see a ballerina who was always graceful and kind.

I saw in my eyes a reflection of a hurted swan, fierce and unlikely to shatter from the cruelity of mankind's fate.

***

Today was Sautrday and although I still have work, I can always take a leave and rest.

My mother called and convinced me to accompany my husband and Hye kyo in their adventure to Singapore Zoo.

I protested at first but to think of it I can use it as a leisure time to relieve stress and have fun. It will also be easy for us since I am already familiar here in Singapore.

"A certain friend of mine helped me to get an interview from a hospital near Alexandra Road." Yonghwa suddenly spoke to me as I was busy cooking our late breakfast.

"That would be great. I mean you can finally help me out in paying the bills." I talked back and saw him roll his eyes.

"Of course I would. Anyway could you find Hye Kyo a school nearby here?" He ask with full reluctance.

"Maybe by Monday after work. You should probably familiarize yourself here in Singapore. I am a bit busy these days. We will be having a play by summer." I told him and continued cooking the Mushroom soup. 

I heard him sigh and helped me prepare for the Mashed Potatoes. "Can't you just get one week leave at least? I mean you should help us be at ease here and you should probably recognize Hye Kyo." 

"I told you I am busy. Besides I saw her everyday isn't that enough?" 

"I don't know what to say, Shinhye. I always tried to make things the way it used to be.