“Excuse me. Is anyone sitting here?” I entered the building where my once a week therapy sessions were held & pointed to a chair.

 

The woman who was sitting at a desk, stopped what she was doing & looked at me from her seat at the desk.

 

“No, sir. You can have a seat.”

 

I sat down in a comfy chair that had a soft cushion on it.

 

“Do you have an appointment sir?” the woman at the desk laid her eyes on me.

 

“Yes ma'am.” I nodded. “I have a 3:00 appointment this afternoon.”

 

“What's your name sir, & who's your therapist?” the woman at the desk waved me over to her seat at the desk, so I walked over to the desk.

 

“Yu Sangdo, & my therapist's name is Amber. Amber Liu.”

 

The woman at the desk looked through some paperwork. “Yu Sangdo...” she mumbled as she turned to her computer & began typing. “Ok, so you are set up for an appointment with Mrs. Liu today, just let me see if she's ready for you ok?”

 

I nodded. “Yes ma'am.” I watched the lady press a button on some kind of machine as I heard her talking to my therapist.

 

“Mrs. Liu,” the woman said.

 

“Yes, Luna?” my therapist answered.

 

“Your patient Yu Sangdo is here for his 3:00 (PM) appointment. Are you ready for him?” Luna asked kindly.

 

My therapists' response was, “Yes. Send him in.”

 

“Yes ma'am.” Luna replied & pressed a button on the weird looking machine. “Mr. Sangdo, Mrs. Liu is ready to see you now.”

 

I bowed to Luna & replied, “Thank you miss.” as I headed into my therapist's office.

 

Hopefully today's session would be better than last weeks session.

 

“Hey there Sangdo!” My therapist & I shook each other's hand as I waved to her with my other hand.

 

“Hi, Mrs. Liu.” I revealed a friendly smile as she motioned for me to sit down on the couch.

 

“It's good to see you again.” she smiled. “How have you been since the last time we talked?” Mrs. Liu grabbed her purple clipboard from her desk, along with an ink pen & sat across from me in a different chair as I laid on my back with my hands on my stomach.

 

I couldn't really think of an appropriate word to describe how I've been feeling since the last time we talked. When I came to see Mrs. Liu last Friday, everything from then on was ok I guess. On Monday I went to work as usual, ran a few errands, & went home.

 

On Tuesday & Wednesday, I was off from work. I spent those two days editing videos for my YouTube channel & working on my songwriting.

 

Thursday, I went to visit my mom & dad after work & to talk to them about maybe coming to my next therapy session so that we could talk about some things.

 

As usual, they both weren't really trying to listen to me talk about my therapy sessions & they weren't trying to hear me talk in general. Growing up, my parents never really listened to me.

 

The day that I saw my mom & dad, my mom agreed to come to my next therapy session, but my dad was against it. My mom tried to get him to come to the next one, but as usual, he declined the offer.

 

“I've been fine I guess.” I sighed.

 

“Have you gotten a chance to talk to your parents? Will they be coming to today's session?” my therapist asked.

 

“My mom told me that she'd be coming. My dad on the other hand, isn't going to be coming...” I trailed off.

 

“Alright. Well if it's alright with you, I'm gonna go on & get us started until your mom shows up ok?” Amber crossed her legs as she put her clipboard on her lap.

 

I replied, “Yes ma'am.”

 

“Alright. So Sangdo, last time we talked... You mentioned to me that you & your parents never really got along. But we never discussed why since we ran out of time.”

 

I felt my stomach tighten up on the inside as if there were knots being made inside of me. “Yeah...”

 

My therapist leaned a bit close. “Are you ready to discuss this now?”

 

I wasn't ready to be honest. I guess I was ready? I just didn't know if I was ready. I knew though that if I started crying, I was ready all along & that however the session ended today, at least I got something off of my chest again.

 

I closed my eyes for a moment & opened them back, looking up at the ceiling. “Y-Yes ma'am.”

 

Amber gently rubbed my shoulder & spoke softly. “It's ok. Let it out & begin when you're ready.”

 

When my therapist took her hand off of my shoulder, she sat back in her seat with her ink pen in hand & her clipboard on her lap. Once I sat up, she placed a box of tissues in front of me on the table that sat in front of the couch.

 

“Well, when I was little... ” I paused & felt my face getting hot as my hands became a bit moist.

 

I grabbed two tissues & quickly wipped my moist hands. After an awkward silence, I continued with what I was saying.

 

“When I was little, life was ok I guess. When I turned 14, that's when things between my parents & I started to get a bit... awkward?”

 

Amber jotted something down on the clipboard. “Mmhm.” she responded. "What happened that started to make things awkward between the three of you?”

 

"Well, one day when I had gotten home from school... I was home alone &... As far as I knew, my parents weren't home yet because I didn't see the car parked in the yard, & when I went in the house, everything was the way it looked that morning when I went to school.” I laid on my side & continued with the story.

 

“Around 9:00 that night, I was feeling um...” I paused & closed my eyes to figure out which wor to use to describe how I was feeling.

 

“Take your time Sangdo.” My therapist commented.

 

I nodded. “I... I was excited.”

 

“ually?” Amber raised a brow & I nodded.

 

“Ok.” she replied. “So what happened next?”

 

“I snuck into my brother's room & grabbed his laptop so that I could um... get rid of the excitement that I was feeling. When I got the laptop, I took it in my room, closed the door & I opened up a site to e.”

 

Amber wrote something down on her clipboard. “Ok. Is there anything that happened next?”

 

“Well, I forgot to lock the door & once I got rid of the “excitement”, I kept going but stopped when my mom & dad walked in on me getting off to a video of men & women engaging in ual activities.”

 

Amber sat up a bit in her seat. “So, an video?” she asked.

 

I nodded. “Yes ma'am.”

 

“What's your relationship been like with you & your parents since that day?”

 

“My mom distances herself from me sometimes & treats me a bit differently. My dad just gives me weird looks sometimes & doesn't talk to me much.”

 

“What makes you say that?” Amber asked.

 

I sat indian style on the couch & propped my head in my hand. “Well, I think that my mom thinks that I'm gay. & I think that my dad thinks that I'm gay or biual.”

 

“There's nothing wrong with that if you are, you know?” Amber sat her clipboard on the table in front of us.

 

“I know.” I responded. “But... I'm not gay. Or biual.” I paused. “I'm Panual. ”

 

“That's fine too. Everyone has the right to love & be with whoever they want to be with.”

 

She was right about that. Too bad my mom & dad wouldn't understand that.

 

“Does anyone else know about this Sangdo?”

 

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