"You already know that my problem isn't that I can't read the alphabet!"

"Babe, I'm not trying to patronize."

You glared at your beautiful boyfriend of two years. "You sure about that?…"

Laughing, he shook his head. "Maybe not, but you should be. You know I would never do anything to make you feel small. I love you," he reminded you candidly.

You flushed, looking down. "Why do you always say corny out of nowhere."

"I thought this was supposed to be a date. I can say all the cheesy things I want."

You rolled your eyes at him. "It is a date, I've been waiting to see you for weeks."

This brought a huge smile to his face. "Aw did you miss me?"

"Of course I missed you, you jerk. Why are you so busy all the time…"

"Baby... We've talked about this."

You sighed and looked away. You had talked about it and of course you understood but it still . Dating any celebrity would be hard but dating a kpop star brought a whole other set of challenges.

The last time you had gone on a proper date, you weren't as careful because you weren't in a major city. But somehow someone managed to snap a photo of Mark with his arm around your waist. Your face had thankfully never made it into the photo, but the damage was done. The internet exploded and Mark had to apologize to his company.

In the end, they released a statement saying that it was an old friend of his from the States that he was very close to. They said that of course Mark respected his fans enough to not lie about a relationship, and of course he would follow the company policy of no dating. Surprisingly, however, they didn't ask him to break up with you. He was just asked to keep it even more on the down-low than before, and reprimanded for not being careful. You were grateful, of course, but the difficulties remained.

He watched you for a while, comfortable in the calm quiet, but when you still wouldn't look at him, he sighed too.

"Ai, look at me," he asked softly.

Surprised, you looked back at him. It was rare that he used the nickname, but every time he did, it made your heart race. You still recall the moment he first used it as clear as day.

"Why did you call me that? Why not 'ai ren?'"

"I'm not going to call you my lover," he said, arms wrapped tightly around you, the steady beat of his heart against your back. "You are so much more than that."

He kissed the top of your head. "You are the light of my life. You are my best friend. You are the anchor in my tumultuous life. You are the moon of my life."

You wrinkled your nose and turned around to face him. "You poser. You don't even watch Game of Thrones."

He laughed and kissed your nose. "I don't, you're right, but you do."

You slipped your arms around his neck and looked up at him. "And you are the light of my life. You are my best friend. You are my foundation in this world of uncertainty. You are my sun and stars."

He smiled. He smiled that sweet, genuine smile you had fallen in love with, and leaned in to kiss you.

Kissing Mark was always so sweet, the intoxicating taste of his soft lips on yours. So heady, the feeling of melting though you could distinctively feel his hands splayed against the small of your back. So all-consuming, the way the rest of the world fell away until nothing existed but him.

When he pulled away, he looked at you earnestly, as if willing you to believe him.

"Ai. You are love."

You're looking at him and he leans forward, his face full of emotion.

"Ai, are you paying attention?"

"Yeah?…Mark, what's wrong?"

"Just -" he runs a hand through his hair, " - I really need you to hear me."

You're uneasy, and try to diffuse the situation by holding up your right earbud. "I'm listening, but I'll put this in so I can hear you even better."

He gives you a small smile and actually waits for you to put it in. Then he takes a deep breath.

"I just wanted to start by saying how sorry I am. And -" he holds up his hand when he sees you open your mouth. "Don't interrupt me, please. I have to do this all at once."

You close your mouth, frowning, and sit back.

He starts again, "I'm sorry that my career puts us in a ty situation. I'm sorry that I can't give you more. I'm sorry that I can't be the boyfriend you deserve. I'm always busy and you never get the attention you should. I'm never around to hold you when you're sad, to celebrate the good things in your life, to just be with you. I see the other people in your life in your social media posts and it just hurts me so much. Not the fact that you're with them and not me, but the fact that I can't be a part of your life the way they are."

He's looking down and playing with his hands and you want more than anything to reach out and slip your fingers through his. But you can't do anything, and instead just wait for him to continue.

"And I want to be. I want to be by your side so badly, baby. And I hate these circumstances. I've thought about leaving the industry when my contract is up but I hate to disappoint the fans and my team. And I know you would never let me because you know I love what I do."

"I've thought about asking you to come to Korea, where even if we still wouldn't be able to be together all the time, we would have so much more time. And just having you that much closer would bring me so much comfort. But you would have to learn a whole new language, you already have a life at home. And I'm afraid that if you come you'll resent me in the future."

"Babe, I -" he looked up at you, running both his hands through his hair. "I'm just so frustrated. I see you hurting because of what I do and where I am, both physically and in life, and it cuts me so deeply, you know? I want to fix things for us. I want it to be easier than this. I want us to last."

Mark looks at you intently, having finished his speech, and waited for a reply.

When you realized he had finished, you responded so quickly you were almost tripping over your words, the sounds tumbling out of your mouth.

"Mark Tuan, do you remember the last time you said that much to me at once?"

That got you a laugh, and a nod.

"Me too."

It had been three weeks after you met. Well, "met" might be too strong a word. Maybe "connected." But that was too cheesy. Whatever it was, after he had come into your life, nothing had been the same. And you had told him so when he confessed, using more words in a row than you had ever heard him use before. Or since, until now.

"And do you remember what I told you then?"

He chuckled lightly. "How could I forget?"

"And you're still worried? You beautiful fool."

He opened his mouth to reply but you held up a hand.

"Don't you dare. I waited for you now you gon' wait for me."

"I love you. You know this, right? I need you to know this, to feel this as true from the most inner depth of your being. I need you to know it so well it's no longer something you need to think about. I need you to know it the way you know your name, the way you know water is wet, the way you know gravity pulls downward."

"And yes, dating you is hard. Just like dating me is hard. We're not perfect, Mark, no one is. Although I will say you come pretty close." He snorted and you laughed at his protest.

"The point is, we are both works in progress, but I am working with you. And that's what makes us work. I would never choose to be with someone else just because it's easy, just because I can actually be with them instead of having to look through this damn screen," you groaned, slightly shaking the camera.

This brought another round of laughter, and you smiled.

"I choose you, Mark. I choose all the crappiness that comes with your career. I choose all the deprivation that comes from your lifestyle. But more importantly, I choose the happiness that comes from having you in my life. I choose the light that blooms inside my chest from knowing you're mine. I choose love."

"Baby, listen to me. Nothing is broken, we don't need anything fixed. Nothing is too hard, we need only to face the challenges together. And how dare you insult us by suggesting we might not last?! I’m so offended, you have no idea. Of course we both have fears and insecurities, but at the end of the day, for either you or me, we build each other up, we make each other stronger. I won’t say ‘complete,’ because we were both complete before we met, but we do complement each other. Don’t you ever forget.”

You looked at him again. “You are, absolutely, my sun and stars. You are the light of my life. And I wouldn’t trade any of difficulties for an easy day with anyone else.”

The two of you sit quietly, gazing at each other through the blue light of the computer screens, across oceans and through time zones. You know that he’s heard you, loud and clear. And he knows, even if you’ll pretend not to have been affected, you feel comforted by his monologue.

Finally, somehow, you are horizontal in bed, still looking at him as your eyelids droop and the sky lightens behind his silhouette. Someone said something about sleep, someone said something about schedules, someone said something about responsibilities. You’re really not sure when you fell asleep or what the last things you said to him were, but it didn’t matter because the last thing you saw before drifting off to dreamland was his smile, his gaze, him…