And in the end, we are all just humans drunk in the idea that love and only love can heal our brokenness.

Some people, although a small number, still remember tragic events from their past lives. Jiyong knows this—he’s reminded every time he watches the news, they were even showing up in the Music Industry. Such stories were everywhere, true or not, no one knows.

Someone wise once said that babies cry because they remember their sorrows from their past lives, mourning the loss of their soulmates, being detached from their families and loved ones. Jiyong’s mother told him that he had cried for eight days straight, joking that she got no sleep at all. It was all just jokes and fun until he turned eighteen, when she stopped with the jokes and asked, “What happened to you?”

He’d always been silent about it, preferring to keep those memories to himself. Or at the most, it showed up his song lyrics or music videos but when she finally outright asked him he knew he could not hide the fact that he was one of the few who remembered the memories of his past lives.

My arms ache, outstretched for too long, wrapped around a lover who isn’t there.

♦♦♦♦♦

He was a young crown prince, next in line for the throne. His people loved him, and he loved them. He often frequented the common market, or to the town hall where he’d read storybooks to the young children, sometimes acting it out. His parents were proud, often praising him, telling him of the bright future ahead of him. He was kind to all everyone. His heart was big and he enjoyed helping others, often helping his servants out, much to the displeasure of the royal court. The royal advisors were displeased that he was associating himself with peasants but the royal family could not be bothered with their irritation of the kind acts of the young prince. The royal family prided themselves on the kind and gentle well-being of their family and treated everyone with equal respect, Jiyong was no exception.

Although he enjoyed helping everyone, one servant in particular caught his eye, she was one of the many Palace Ladies who served his mother, the Queen.

Like a painting, all I can do is stare. I can’t go too near. I can’t touch you or else I’ll ruin everything.

Yumi had taken his breath away. Jiyong had known just by looking at her that they were soulmates, but alas their love was not to be for she was just but one of the many Palace Ladies, easily replaceable and he was the future ruler of the country, furthermore, he had already been engaged to the Princess of the neighbouring country, Shin Aeri. With the constraints placed upon them by Social ranking and his engagement, it was difficult for him to muster up his courage to even approach her. Instead he watched her from afar and his eyes sparkled with joy, and a broad smile would often find its way onto his face whenever he caught sight of her.

“Do you need some help?” Jiyong asked one day, mustering up the courage to speak to her, hoping she would accept his offer. She had been trying to balance multiple pots and glass dishes on top of each other to carry them to the kitchen, but the dishes kept leaning precariously to the side. Poor girl would probably face the unforgiving punishment of flogging should they fall and shatter.

“If you will!” Yumi giggled, her smile wide and without worry. Jiyong smiled back dreamily, and they walked to the kitchen together, carrying the dishes with ease.

“I saw you reading Byeongchon in the library.” Yumi smiled, “Gaeul? It’s such a depressing book, no?”

Jiyong blinked. “You’ve read it?” He asked, suprised. Most servants couldn’t read, and even if they could, they definitely weren’t reading Byeongchon, the language used was too complex and even most scholars had difficulty understanding it.

“My mother taught me to read when I was little.” Yumi explained, seeing the shocked look on his face. “I love Byeongchon’s work, but Gaeul is simply dire. I personally prefer Gyuha, what do you say, Your Highness?"

And so it began, the story of their pitiful love.

Yumi had practically swept Jiyong off his feet with her wit and intelligence, and Jiyong, in turn, swept Yumi off her own feet with his charming and charismatic personality. They became friends, spending their time in the palace’s garden, just talking for hours without stop until a servant had to interrupt to get them to separate so that they wouldn’t interfere with each other’s work and schedule, much to their displeasure.

I always think of you before I fall asleep. The words you said, the way you looked. The things we laughed about, the silent moment we shared. And when I dream, I’ll dream of you. Because it’s about you, it’s always about you.

Close friendship turned to other unspeakable things — holding hands when no one was looking, sneaking kisses in the dark corners of gardens. Jiyong was in heaven, thinking himself to be the luckiest person in the world. He had found his soulmate, who was his best friend and his lover. He found himself wishing that if he was born a peasant, had they met in another lifetime, how lucky would he be.

But of course, not everything was all flowers and sunshine. Relationships like theirs were unlawful, shunned upon by the people and worse, it was punishable by death. Surely, if they were caught, she would end up taking the brunt of their punishment and he had no desire to put her through such torture simply for loving him. They had to be careful, forced to keep it a secret. Such a scandal would not end well for them or the kingdom.

However, one day they both got too conceited, choosing to share kisses in the library in broad daylight instead of the dark corners of the gardens. They had thought that no one would see them in between the bookshelves.

However, it seemed that fate had chosen to turn her back on them, destiny was no better, choosing to ignore their pleads as the Princess, Shin Aeri had chosen that day to give Jiyong a surprise visit.

She caught the two kissing in between the bookshelves and immediately ran to her father, bursting in tears of Jiyong’s shameful act against their marriage.

They had kept the secret for five years.

The marks humans leave are too often scars.

Yumi was taken to court for it, of seducing the Crown Prince. Jiyong begged to be the one punished instead, insisting that it was his fault, but no one listened, no one bothered. They all chose to turn a deaf ear to the young prince’s pleads. They chose to believe that she had bewitched the Crown Prince into acting like so.

The kingdom needed an heir, after all, but no one would miss one servant, someone who was easily replaceable. The night before the trial, Jiyong crept by her cell silently, donned in a black outfit, as he slotted his hand through the many squares of the cell, crying because they already knew she was doomed. A servant stood no chance against a judge appointed by the King. He smoothed her hair gently, wiping her tears away as they shared a kiss in the darkness.

 “I’ll find you again,” she told him, voice soft and hushed. “When destiny decides to help us that is when I’ll find you. I’ll find you, I promise. Promise me that you’ll wait for me, please?”

“Don’t make me wait a century.” Jiyong pleaded. “I can’t spend a century alone. I’ll die from a broken heart.”

“I won’t.” Yumi promised, hugging him close. “I won’t.”

I think the hardest part of losing someone, isn’t having to say goodbye, but rather learning to live without them. Always trying to fill the void, the emptiness that’s left inside your heart when they go.

The next day, she was brought to court. She was found guilty.

Jiyong woke up the day after, just after sunrise. He laid in bed, staring numbly at the white ceiling of his private chambers, listening to the singing of birds outside. He felt hollow, empty, as if his heart had been ripped out from his being, as if he had just lost a piece of himself yet no blood had been lost, not from him at least.

She was hung early in the morning while the birds chirped and the rooster crooned soulfully as if mourning for the loss of an innocent young soul. The rain made nothing better, it was as if God was crying for her, someone who had been executed just because she loved a man.

♦♦♦♦♦

Maybe we’ll meet again, when the time is right and our minds a little less hectic, and I’ll be right for you and you’ll be right for me. But as of now, I am chaos to your thoughts and you are poison to my heart.

Life continued. Everyone moved on, the stories of that young servant hung for seducing the Prince was starting to grow old among the people. Yet, Jiyong couldn’t move on. He became king, of course, married a princess from a neighbouring kingdom, had an heir, but every time he closed his eyes he saw her, her eyes that glittered with hope, her brown hair fluttering with the wind, dressed in a flowing white dress as a flower wreath graced the crown of her head. 

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