Yoongi opened his eyes slowly. When he realised that his room was very light he turned his head to look out the window. The moon was in the perfect spot to light up his room. It was a full moon shining down on him. Yoongi his side and continued to stare out the window trying to fall asleep again. After laying there for a couple of minutes he realises sleep will not come back easily and grabs his phone to check the time, 3 in the morning. He grunts and turns around looking at the rest of his empty bed. It has been a week and he hasn't gotten used to the emptiness of the other side of the double bed yet. Maybe that is why he woke up he thinks.

After staring at the empty spot for a while he decides that this isn't the best way to spend his time. He gets out of bed and when his feet hit the cold floor he shivers a little looking around for his slippers. Getting up he walks into the bathroom and looks in the mirror. He has the worse case of bed head ever but that isn't where his eyes go to first. His eyes are blood shot and red probably from the crying last night. He thinks about last night and is surprised that he hasn't started crying already like he usually would after waking up and seeing the empty bed. He feels numb looking at himself puffy and red. He has been seeing this in the mirror for a week now but usually it was with still wet cheeks tears streaming freely. His eyes feel unnaturally dry now and he wonders if he has finally run out of tears. Washing his face he thinks about last weekend when his years long relation ship ended.

Walking back into his room the moon has gone away and his room is dark and empty again. He gets dressed in a loose t-shirt, hoodie and some sweatpants. He grabs his laptop and walks over to the couch. After getting himself a cup of tea and some plain bread he sits down and opens up his laptop planning on working on his new song. He hadn't looked at it for a week and opening up the lyrics file he realised why. It was a love song. Yoongi closed the file and opened up a empty word file and the instrumental and decided to start on new lyrics. Listening to the music all the memories of his time with him came back flooding his mind.

He fished his phone out of his pocket and opened up his contacts looking for his number. Staring at the selfie they made months ago both smiling happily into the camera Yoongi felt strangely empty. They had gone on a summer trip to a fun fair and riding the ferris wheel with just the two of them had resulted in most of the time spend kissing and taking stupid selfies. Yoongi had loved every moment of it even though he had grudgingly joined the trip in the first place preferring to have spend the day snuggled up in bed.

Yoongi closed his contacts app and opened up his gallery. Namjoon had warned him to not look at those, but Yoongi wanted to see his happy face. The face that would sleepily wake up next to him and then hide itself in his chest out of embarrassment. He wanted to see the face that would light up every time they met up for coffee dates during college when they where still friends. The face that had turned tomato red when Yoongi told him he loved him, the lips that had shyly said that he loved him back. The eyes that would disappear when he smiled a genuinely happy smile. The soft lips that had stolen his first kiss before he had mustered up the courage to do so. The face that used to be his to hold with both hands and kiss all over to be rewarded with a blushing and giggling Jimin.

Looking trough the photos was the most painful thing Yoongi could have done he thought but surprisingly he felt nothing. Having lost the love of his life had made him numb to all emotions.

He put his phone back down and listened to the music once again thinking how the first voice he had wanted to record for it had been Jimin's. Starting of the song with his beautiful voice and then adding in the rest.

Yoongi just sat there on the couch staring ahead listening to the instrumental to his forgotten love song on repeat. He wrote a couple of lines of the song. Trying to empty out all of the sadness and numbness into there. It didn't help and after writing a bit he went back to staring into nothing enjoying the instrumental. All of a sudden his phone buzzed pulling Yoongi out of his dream of Jimin into reality. Checking the clock on his laptop he wondered who would text him at half four in the morning. He grabbed his phone and opened the text.

Can we talk tomorrow or more like today. Please.....

Yoongi's eyes widened and it took him two minutes to comprehend what had happened. He decided that that might be a good idea. If all else didn't help maybe after this talk he could stop crying and feeling numb.

Yeah we can. -Y

Are you awake? Why? Are you feeling well?

Yoongi grunts. Maybe he should have replied in the morning but he is too numb to care.

I couldn't sleep. Why are you awake? -Y

It takes Jimin considerably longer to reply this time and the answer is short and to the point.

Cause I was thinking about you all night.

Yoongi's heart makes a jump. His head however doesn't join in the excitement. He could be thinking about anything when it comes to me he thinks, but there is a little part of his brain -the optimistic part- that goes: but what if he wants you back stupid.

Wanna talk now? -Y

Yoongi's heart started beating faster in anticipation still wanting Jimin to be his even though knowing that that chance was slim. Jimin didn't reply for a while and Yoongi's head turned dark and numb again killing the little optimistic part. When his phone finally buzzed he jumped up almost dropping the laptop from his lap.

Can I come over? I am right outside.

Yoongi panicked jumped up and looked around at the mess that was his/their apartment. Jimin apparently didn't need a reply and Yoongi looked up like a deer in headlights when Jimin opened the door with his keys. Jimin walked in with a bag from the nearby 24h supermarket. He was dressed just as sloppy as Yoongi in a hoodie and sweatpants paired with the pair of sneakers that Yoongi had bought him when he successfully finished college. “To dance in.” Yoongi had said giving him a kiss and hugging him tight to show how proud he was. Jimin had giggled and hugged him back crying of happiness from finally finishing college.

Yoongi sat back down on the couch. Jimin looked around while scratching the back of his neck.

“I brought some food.” Jimin looked down. “I thought you might like to eat while we talk.” Yoongi just stared at him in silence hoping that Jimin wouldn't hear how heart was beating. He still loved Jimin so much. Jimin coughed awkwardly and set the bag down on the coffee table taking out the food. He handed Yoongi one of the plates and a set of chopsticks and sat down next to him, just far enough to not touch but just closer than normal friends would.

Yoongi stared at Jimin digging into his plate of food. Jimin looked up and met his eyes and immediately looked down.

“Why are you here Jimin? What did you wanna talk about?” Yoongi's distant and emotionless tone made Jimin look up and actually look him in the eyes. Yoongi's eyes looked at him emotionlessly. Jimin swallowed his food with difficulty and looked back the the floor not saying a word and quickly took another bite.

“Jimin?” Yoongi asked a questioningly. Still not having touched his food. Jimin swallowed and looked up trough his lashes putting his plate down. He grabbed Yoongi's plate and chopsticks from his hands and put them down next to his set. He turned around and set cross-legged on the couch facing Yoongi.

“I think... I want to... I.... Can we....” Jimin looks back down again not being able to look Yoongi in the eyes. “I want you back.” Jimin mumbles. Yoongi thinks he is dreaming and keeps staring at Jimin disbelieve obvious in his eyes.

“What?” Yoongi asks hesitantly.

“Can we get back together. Start over. Clean slate. Please.” Jimin mumbles even softer. Yoongi leans in closer. His face only centimetres away from Jimin's.

“What? Why?”

“I messed up. I messed up bad by leaving. I didn't know what to do. We started arguing and even though I was mad at you my heart didn't listen. It scared me. That is why I left. I got scared at how much I loved you. Still love you. All of last week I spend crying until I realised that the only way to get you back is to apologize for being such an and walking out on you. I am sorry Yoongi-hyung, I am so sorry for everything I did. I know I don't deserve you, you are nice and honest and handsome and the best thing that ever happened to me and I am.....” Yoongi shut him up by putting his hand over his mouth.

Yoongi didn't know what to say. His head was still numb but his heart was beating impossibly faster. He has never been good at saying what he feels. He picked up his laptop and opened it still with the new lyrics file open. After starting the music he turned his laptop around and handed it to Jimin.

“They are still rough drafts but I wrote them for you.” Yoongi looked away.

Today the moon shines brighter
on the blank spot in my bed

you’re the only thing I have
Please let me hear your voice
so that I can laugh again

Listen to my heartbeat,
it calls you whenever it wants to
Because within this pitch black darkness,

Thank you for letting me be me

Don’t wanna be lonely
Just wanna be yours

“Don’t wanna be lonely, Just wanna be yours.” Jimin read out the last sentence. Jimin looked up to find that Yoongi wasn't there anymore. He closes the laptop and walks into the bedroom seeing Yoongi on Jimin's side of the bed. Jimin lays down on top of the blanket spooning Yoongi. The last thing Yoongi hears before he falls asleep without crying for the first time this week is “I'm so sorry Hyung. I love you.”

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AAAAAAH its done :)
If you made it through till the end I love you <3 <3 <3
this fic is also posted on my AO3  and my  tumblr .