My name is Kwon Mina, and I’m not much of a singer.

The first time I went to karaoke night was with my friends at age 16. And I . The owner kicked us out that night.

I never sang voluntarily again.

But that’s not the point.

The point is I’ve had a lot of firsts and not enough seconds.

I never experienced being a teenager again like when I was 13.

I never fell in love again.

That’s because I experienced heartbreak. And I never want to feel that again.

My relationship was simple. I met a guy at 19, fell in love with him after only three weeks, and he broke my heart two years later. It was so simple yet it ended so horribly. Our differences couldn’t be settled and he ended it.

I cried for weeks on end. He was the first boy I loved, and at this point the only. After about four months of self-pity and wallowing, I put myself back on the market.

But I could never love a guy the same way again.

I went on endless dates but none of them were up to par with my first love.

Wait…you guys are probably wondering who my first love was.

His name is Min Yoongi.

He’s part of a famous kpop group named BTS now, but before…he was my friend and lover.

 Now…my relationship in more detail.

I met him when he was an underground rapper under a different name. He had an outstanding love for music, specifically rap. I liked him for that.

He had skipped college so that he could practice his music in the studio. I went to college nearby, so when I had the chance, I would go and listen. That’s how our relationship began. Hours together turned to days, which turned to weeks, then months.

Finally, on the day that he got accepted into BigHit Entertainment, he asked me to be his girlfriend.

Like any other girl, I was ecstatic. This guy that I loved since I met him finally asked. It felt like marriage to me.

But then the divorce came.

We had our decent amount of time together until things became difficult. He would spend hours upon hours in the studio, perfecting his art, to the point where we wouldn’t see each other anymore. When he wasn’t working, he was with the guys and our relationship slowly started to diminish.

Like a good girlfriend, I waited patiently, but it got to the point where I had to force him away from his music.

That didn’t turn out so good.

He became outraged and put his music first when it used to be the other way around. He would purposefully leave me alone at night, so I could cry myself to sleep. When I thought that I wasn’t seeing him at all, he pushed the boundaries and made it impossible for me to even hear his voice.

It was horrible and I had had enough.

One night I caught him sleeping on the couch and I confronted him about it.

We argued like no other. I was sad and angry that he had practically left me alone and he just didn’t care. He said that music was his life now. After that he couldn’t take it anymore.

In the morning, he had packed his stuff and left. I cried my heart out that day.

At age 21, I had my episode of heartbreak.

A year later, I was determined not to feel that again. I got past it, went on dates and lived life.

So at age 22, I wonder…

What will be my first this year? 

 

 

“MINA!! ARE YOU UP?! WE HAVE TO GO!!”

Ignoring the voice, I tossed in my sleep. If I was conscious enough, I would know that it was Saturday morning and that we were invited to the monthly company breakfast.

But since I’m not, I started to doze back to sleep.

A few unconscious minutes later, I heard my door open. It was accompanied by the sound of curtains opening. I opened then squinted my eyes at the sudden flood of light that bathed over me.

I groaned, “What the hell?!”

I finally opened my eyes to find my best friend Eunji with an aggravated look on her face, “Don’t what the hell? me Mina. We have a breakfast to go to.”

Another groan escaped my mouth, “I don’t want to go,” I threw the blanket over my face, but it didn’t help as Eunji grabbed my duvet and threw it on the floor.

She pulled my arms so that I sat up, “You can’t not go. This is the company event that determines what senior company we go to.”

My eyes widened and my mouth gaped. I completely forgot.

Eunji and I were singers--I know I said I would never sing again, but Eunji’s been teaching me--and we were in a company called Melee Entertainment. It was a junior company, meaning it only trained us until we were ready to sign with a senior company, such as SM or YG. Representatives from every senior company in South Korea would come this morning to choose their future artists.

“Holy ,” I said as I got out of bed and picked an outfit from my closet.

“Yeah, you can curse later. Right now, you need to hurry up and take a shower because the representatives come at 9 o'clock, and I want to be there early to make a good impression,” Eunji explained as she placed the duvet back on the bed.

“What time is it?!” I screamed since I had already started the shower.

“7:15. If I calculate this correctly, it takes you 15 minutes to wash your hair and body, another 15 to get dressed and style your hair, about 10 minutes to put on light makeup,” she emphasized that part so that I wouldn’t go overboard, “and lastly a good 45 minutes to get to the company.”

I opened the door to see Eunji’s smiling face, “Have I really known you that long for you to know my morning schedule?”

“We’ve been friends since high school. I know everything about you. Now hurry up!” she said as she slammed the door in my face.

I smiled. No matter what she’ll always be there for me.

Unlike some people.

~~~~~~~~~~

We arrived at Melee Entertainment at precisely eight-forty, up to par with Eunji’s calculations. We each walked in and were welcomed by the many employees that worked hard for this day.

That worked hard for us.

Eunji and I each received a flower crown and a bouquet. A few escorts led us to the back, where a large lawn was turned into a big stage and several tables in a circle. The numerous breakfast buffet tables were on the far left. I immediately saw our table that had a banner with our logo on it and bounded to it leaving Eunji to follow. I sifted through the crowd, careful not to bump into any representatives.

I finally reached the table. Employees had set all the stuff we loved on it. Assortments of candy bars, different colored pens and markers, and stationery that were personalized to fit our name, The Jewel Jaguars. Even the old chairs that we always used to sit in when we would practice music were set.

We finally did it. Everything we’ve worked for the past three years was finally paying off. We were going to a new company. A new family.

I felt a hand wrap around my shoulder. I turned to find Lee Jaejin, a bass player for the band F.T Island from FNC Entertainment. He was one of the several guys that I went on a date with. Like we thought, our relationship never worked.

“Congrats,” he said as he handed me a single red rose.

I took a whiff of the divine flower, “Thanks so much. You’ve been a great help to me.”

He chuckled, “Anything for a sweet girl that wants to make her dreams come true.”

I unconsciously blushed and Jaejin gave me a tight hug before mingling with other people.

Eunji finally sprang out of the crowd and faced me, “They’re about to start. Are you ready?”

Was I ready?

I gave her a big smile, “I’ve never been more ready in my life.”

~~~~~~~~~~

A lengthy, dark-haired male in a navy suit stood at the podium and spoke, “My name is Noh Insung, president of Melee Entertainment, and I’m proud to commence our annual signing ceremony breakfast!”

A round of applause roared through the audience. Eunji and I applauded especially loud, and then laughed afterwards when we received weird looks from others.

“It is my honor to give away my fellow artists so that they can prosper and become the next hallyu wave. Without further ado, let’s eat and get started!”

Immediately, people started to rush over to the buffet tables. Eunji and I waited patiently, going close to last to get our food and setting down to eat it afterwards. I settled for the simple American breakfast: scrambled eggs with bacon, sausage and a slice of toast. A certain someone loved to eat like this, and naturally I adopted it.

CEO Noh went up to the podium after inappropriately stuffing a sausage in his mouth, “As always, I’m pleased to announce the numerous senior companies that joined us today,” he said as he individually named off each company. I applauded for each one, extra loud for FNC, but it was the last one that hit me like a ton of bricks.

“And last but not least, we have a new senior group, BigHit Entertainment!”

My heart dropped to my stomach. Suddenly, I didn’t feel so ready. I watched as the founder, Bang Sihyuk, stood up and bowed to the crowd. What followed made me sick.

A group of 7 boys stood and also bowed. But one boy grabbed my attention.

He looked thinner and paler. He wore a vacation floral button-up with black skinny jeans, exposed at the knees. His pink hat covered his eyes and when he returned from bowing, I finally saw his face.

“Yoongi.”

~~~~~~~~~~

I stood up quickly and moved to use the restroom inside the building. I held onto the sink as I examined my face.

In the last 5 minutes, I had broken into a cold sweat. My palms were clammy and my hands shook. I took a breath, but it just turned into a shudder. 

“Ok Mina, listen up,” I said to myself. I had to pep myself up, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to get through this breakfast.

“He’s just here with his group to represent his company. Not because he wants to see you. You most likely won’t even be signed to BigHit. Grow a spine, get out there, and look at your future,” I said with confidence as I fixed my makeup a little before leaving the restroom and heading back to my table.

“Hey what happened to you? You missed the first performance,” Eunji said as I sat in my seat, the cranks and gears creaking under me.

“I just felt a little sick, it was probably the sausage,” I said with a weak smile.

“You’re going to give me that excuse? CEO Noh stuffed a sausage down his throat and he’s perfectly fine. Truth please,” she retorted with a raised eyebrow and crossed arms.

Lying wasn’t going to work, she would see right through me. I finally gave up pretending.

“He’s here,” I said as my eyes flickered to the opposite side of the lawn.

Eunji followed my eyes and inwardly gasped. Yoongi was slowly banging his head to the music as his other members were jumping in and out of their seats.

“Are you ok?” she asked. She wasn’t one to give people a lot of sympathy. Just a simple ok would suffice with her.

I sighed as a stared again at his face, “We’ll see.”

~~~~~~~~~~

The day quickly progressed towards brunch time and the event was now in full swing. I watched as several soloists, groups and duets performed on the stage. I cheered and applauded for my fellow label mates, but every time someone would walk off the stage, my eyes diverted to Yoongi. From my place, I could see the genuine happiness that was displayed on his face. The only reason I knew it was genuine was because he would always give me smiles and laughs.

Why couldn’t my eyes look away? Why was I still so affected inside? I buried these feelings underground a year ago. They now have risen from the dead to come out and play.

At this moment, I wish I was 6 feet under.

My eyes quickly traced back to the stage as CEO Noh tapped the microphone.

“Now, for the moment you’ve been waiting for, the last act!” a round of applause circled through, “I have to say, these 2 girls really make my day, every day.”

I knew he was talking about us, so I stood up in my seat to pay close attention.

“These girls were the first people I signed on this season, and I can personally say that they made this season what it is. They come into the building and bring loads of energy and happiness that make me smile. The countless hours that they have worked to even get a spot at this ceremony warm my heart. They have so much passion and confidence when they sing, but tons of flavor and spice when they dance and rap. I’m immensely proud to give them away…wow, I feel like a dad,” he said as he started to chuckle. The audience laughed along, Eunji and I with light tears in our eyes.

“Without further ado, The Jewel Jaguars!”

Eunji and I stood up and walked to the stage, receiving high-fives and thumbs-ups from our friends. My feet felt light as I walked across the stage to the center.

Eunji gave me a nod and started, with me following along. She counted to three and I immediately knew what to do. We both made dazzling and claw motions with our hands as we introduced ourselves, “Hello, we are Jewel Jaguars!”

“Wow, this is amazing. We’re the last act, Mina,” Eunji said to me with a lighthearted voice.

I answered back, “I know. That means we have to make our performance big.”

“Exactly, so any questions?”

A girl from SM who I recognize as Kim Hyoyeon raised her hand, “Where did you get the name Jewel Jaguars?”

I decided to answer, “Well, we wanted a name that showed our multiple personalities. We hope to shine on stage with our lovely singing, but we also want to be ferocious when it comes to rap and dance.”

Good answer.

Im Jaebum from JYP rose his hand next, “What are your strengths as a duet?”

Eunji took this one, “We’ve been best friends since our freshman year of high school. That just progressed into being best friends slash singers. I would say our strengths are that you can’t have one without the other, thus meaning you can’t separate us. We make each other better and stronger.”

Great answer.

Now this is where it gets interesting.

CEO Noh asked for one last question before we were to sing.

Out of all the people at this event, why did it have to be him?

Yoongi raised his milky white hand lazily before speaking, “What are your flaws as a duet?”

His eyes pierced mine like a knife and the mic was shaking in my hands. I wanted to jump off the stage and crawl in a hole somewhere. Of course karma would come bite me in the .

Naturally I was supposed to speak, but I was so disoriented that Eunji took the question for me, “Wow…um…that’s an interesting question,” I felt her hand shake me back into the world of reality, “I honestly don’t see any flaws with us at the moment, but I know we have them and it’s part of our journey to find out what they are.”

Amazing answer, horrible question.

I couldn’t tell if he was disappointed or astonished with that answer, but the smirk he gave me indicated that he knew that he crawled his way under my skin.

The audience clapped once again and I fixed the beanie and flower crown on my head before the first song came on. Our first song was a ballad meets pop. Like we practiced, Eunji and I melded perfectly. The lyrics, dance and singing made a few friends give us a standing ovation.

The second song was our EDM banger. It combined the style of trap, house and chill music and some great lyrics--I wrote them myself. Got to say they’re pretty dope. No dancing was involved, just trying to get the crowd riled up. Every few seconds a