We broke up today. But I'm not sad. I'll miss him, obviously but I won't be upset about it. We both agreed that it just wasn't working out. And I'm sorry. I did really hope that things would get better, but they didn't. They only got worse. It's sad to see him go, but I know it's for the better.

It's only been hours, and I kind of want to hug him. His short frame was one of the things I loved the most about him. It made it so much easier to wrap my arms around him. The way he tightly wrapped his arms around we was unforgettable. He would nuzzle his nose into my neck right where it tickled and as I laughed loudly, he'd smiled and kiss my neck. I'll miss that. 

We met in college, and he was really shy at first. We both were shy around each other. We had a mutual friend, Himchan, who introduced us to each other since I had taken the same corse he was currently in. I was in my third year, he was in his first. I introduced myself first and he smiled when I said my name. That smile was so pure and precious. His eyes curled up into crescents when he grinned from ear-to-ear. It made him all the more beautiful. The girls on campus thought that he was just the y type, but they were wrong. 

Jongup was so more. 

His name still gets me nervous. 

The girls on campus would flirt with him because they once saw his abs when he attended a pool party and from then on they were hooked. It felt like a cheap way for them to like him. Just because of his appearance. I never tried to get under his shirt. That was never my plan. I was just more than happy hanging out with another person who got me. Jongup got me. He really did. I mean, sometimes we would just sit next to each other, eating lunch or something, and we wouldn't say a word. It wasn't awkward at all. It most one of the most comforting things about him. Neither of us were much of big talkers so it seemed natural. 

I didn't realise that I loved him until it was too late. I knew I shouldn't have loved him, but I did it anyway. It's incredibly hard not to love someone who literally smiles as bright as the sun when they come up to you.  He knew that we shouldn't fall in love too. But he didn't care. He was young and reckless, like everyone. I was the first to fall. I hadn't seen someone so innocent and so pure in a while. All the other guys that I had crushes on were bad boys. Of course my life followed the stereotype; the nerd falls for the bad boy. But it was different. I wasn't a 'nerd' anymore and Jongup was most definitely not a bad boy. 

At first it was purely a crush but by the end of my final year at college, I knew it was a lot more. Jongup was in his third year when I graduated. He was so happy for me, but I could tell that he was somewhat upset. I confronted him after the ceremony, behind one of the school buildings, and he ran up to me and gave the tightest hug I've ever gotten from him. He smiled at he and congratulated me. But Uppie soon began crying. He didn't want me to see him cry, but I did. I dried his eyes with my thumb gliding over his cheeks. He kept apologising over and over again. 'I'm sorry... I'm sorry.. I'm really sorry Hyung.' 

That was the first time he had called me Hyung. He would always call me by my name but when he croaked out that soft word, my heart just broke. This was the first time that we had been so close to each other. Our noses touched and I could feel the warmth of his breath against my lips. He made the move first. And I could tell that he was scared. He gripped onto my shirt to tightly and his hands were shaking. I knew what he was afraid of. And he was incredibly bold to make the first move. But I moved my hands around his waist and pulled him closer until our lips were fully linked. Our first kiss was bittersweet. The love that I had suppressed for so long came out in a burst of colour. Jongup's lips were shy and tender. It was cute. We pulled away after a little while and he just stared at me. His eyes were untainted and wet with tears. 

Somehow he managed to croak out, 'I-I ... I really love you .. I really love you, Yonggukie Hyung!’ He startled me, really he did. I thought he would be confused and curious about that deep feeling inside his gut but he wasn't. He knew that he loved me and I knew that I loved him more. I kissed his lips once more and whispered in his ear, 'I love you too.' 

It was only a couple months later that we decided to move in together. Well, he moved into my apartment. Now it seems like a rushed decision but at the time, we were more than ready for it. He'd go to school, and I to work. We'd return at roughly the same time and just spend half-an-hour sitting in each others' arms and recounting our day. One of us would make dinner and then we'd take turns in cleaning up before sleeping beside each other. He was gorgeous, to say the least, when he slept. I'd never seen an angel sleep before. 

The problems started when our parents found out. My parents didn't accept us but they couldn't deny our love. So, with small meetings and get-togethers my parents finally accepted our relationship. But Uppie's parents were different. They would never accept the fact that their son liked men. But once that idea of heteroual love has been sewn into your mind for years, you can see how it's hard for them to accept us. Jongup took it badly. He had always been their perfect son but now that he had come out, their image of him flipped. Uppie was really hurt. I never saw his parents after our first meeting. And Jongup stayed quiet and never spoke of his parents. But I knew he visited them every week, begging for their approval. It was a hopeless act of love. 

I told him to stop, it would only worsen the situation, but he didn't listen. One day, Jongup went out in the morning and he never returned home. I went out and searched for him. I called all of our friends and informed both of our parents. Uppie's parents nearly hung up on me when I called them, but I knew how to bring bad news to people. After I told them, the line was silent. Jongup's father spoke after a while, 'Find my son' was all they he said. 

It was late, really late when I got a phone call. The sun was just rising and my legs were aching. But he called me. Jongup called me. I ran back to our apartment ignoring the fact that my legs were about to give way. I reached the apartment door and there he was, on the ground. He was curled up in a little ball shivering in the cold. 'J-Jongup..' He looked up at me and smiled. 

'I'm home Hyung.' He had blisters and bruises all over his body and his lip was cracked. But the only thing that I could do was take him inside. I carried his small body into the house. The stench of alcohol lingered in his breath. I lead him into the bathroom then started a hot bath and went out to retrieve some clean clothes for him. When I returned, Jongup had stripped and had him back facing me. It was the first time I had seen him like this. I put his clothes down on the counter top and was about to leave when he held me back. 

His hand was rough and cold against mine. 'Please... don't leave.' I did as he requested and sat next to him, beside the bath. His hand was still entangled with mine but I never looked at him. We had never taken it to the next stage so I was trying to keep Jongup's innocence but it seemed like he had other plans. He leaned over to me and kissed my lips. He brought his wet hand up to my nape and pulled me closer.

That was our first time. I didn't think it would be like that, but it happened. He was upset, so I gave him what he wanted. He wanted me, so I gave him all of me. I wished I could've done more for him. I really did. He was so sad that day. And he never really changed after that. 

Jongup continued to be gloomy and depressed until we broke up. I guess he just lost the love that was there. It's normal to fall out of love. But the drop is longer and darker. When you find yourself at the bottom, you're just tired. The pain is not there because you've felt numb for so long. I think that's what Jongup felt. He was just so tired that he was numb. 

He moved out a month after he went missing. We'd spent three years together and I'll never forget the memories that I hold close to my heart. We broke up today, but the funny thing is.. I still love him. But if it wasn't meant to be then that's fine. I just want Jongup to be happy. He's been through so much. 

But I realise now that I'm hurting as much as he was. And that's okay. It's okay to hurt. The pain will go away and my tears will dry soon. I'll move on and slowly lose the memories that we shared. But his name will never be lost. I'll always have an empty space in my heart that belongs to Jongup. I'll hurt for a while but that's okay. And that ring that I hid in my draw for so long will be the memory of him.

And I'll always miss him. I'll always miss his rough hands. 

A/N: Yay, it's done! I wrote this before I wrote 'Him part 1 : His Gentle Touch' because Jongup was so adorable at LOE and I had so much feels building up I had to release them somewhere. I was also inspired by the hi-touch which me and my friends attended. My friend said that Jongup's hands were rough and I was poofed with inspiration, btw thanks crease. I always thought of Yongguk as a gentle and completely genuine person so I hope that came through. Please read 'Him part 1' if you haven't already and don't forget to subscribe and comment(maybe)! Thank you.