July 1995

One fine summer day , I am in a church , praying for some miracle to happened . I believe that anything for HIM is possible . He is the only one who can make miracles so I am talking and calling him for help .

"Dear lord , I know I am not a good daughter to you . I always see you when I only have problem . I didn't deserve to be here but still , I am calling you to help me to give me some miracle . I need your miracle now . Please take it all away . Take it all away . " I cried and cried . Lots of tears were gushing out of my eyes .

That's when I saw a handkerchief handed in me .

I look above and see a man - gorgeous man no , handsome man I mean . He was holding a handkerchief . He sat beside me .

"You know , every girl's tears are precious . You should not waste such a precious thing . " He said . I shook my head . He will not understand it .

"That's not true . You can waste a tear if the person you cried for is too very important to you that you don't care how much tears you wasted . " I answered . He look back at me . And there , I saw some emotion in his eyes .

"So , that person must be special to you ? You are wasting too much tears . So I supposed that he or she is important . "

"Of course . He is important . " I said . I got up and ready to leave when he hold my hand . I looked at him

"What are you - ?" I was cut off when he asked me a question .

"What's your name ?" I raised a brow at him . No , I won't tell you my name . It is worthless after all . We are never going to meet each other again .

"I don't have a name so if you don't mind . Let go of my arm . " I rudely said but he just chuckled as if I am some clown .

"I don't believe you . Every person has a name . "

"Then I am the only person who doesn't have a name ." He let go of my arm and immediately walked away but deep inside , I want to stay at his side and still have a small talk with him .

I shook my head with that thought . Gosh , yeah . I admit that he's too handsome and I also admit that I am too attracyed at him eventhough we just met for about 20 minutes earlier .

I still heard hin asking me the same question but I forced myself to ignored it . that was then when he popped in front of ne asking the same question again and again .

"Get out on my way . " I said . But he just ignored and ask me again and again .

"You know miss . You're gorgeous so I want to know your name . It's my first time to met a gorgeuos fine lady ."

I blused on what he told me . This guy is obviously a playboy . Of course , all of handsome guys out there are playboys .

"Naeun " Out of the blue I said my name .

I even slapped myself in my mind for giving him my name . Geeezz Naeun , he just told you that you're gorgeuos -not only beautiful you just easily said your name . That's too low .

" Well , your name suits your angelic face Naeun-ah . Anyway, my name is Kim Myungsoo but you can call me babe . " He said and wink at me . I blushed once more and I walk away as fast as I could so he can't follow me anymore .

I came hone with some smile on my face .

Kim Myungsoo .

That's where it all started .

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After I met a woman in the church . I always went there , hoping that she would come here again .

I admit , the first time I saw her crying . I felt a pang in my chest . When I saw her beautiful face , my heart beats faster than usual , as if it was going out on me . I can already imagine that I am waiting for her at the altar . I can already see myself with our family . I know everything's too fast but maybe this is what they called , "Love ay first sight"

I already like her . So when she finished crying I immediately went to her and hand her a handkerchief . She didn't take it . I was a bit offended . In my head , did she already dumped me ? But no , my father said that If I already loves someone , I need to do everything so she could love me back .

And that's what I am always do since day one . Since that day at the church .

I pursue to know her name . I know and I can feel that she is pissed . But no , I still want to know her name so I followed her anywhere she goes . Yeah maybe I am a stalker then .

But when she give me her name , I can feel happiness enveloped me . I forced myself not to hugged her . I don't want her to think that I am taking advantage at her .

She walked away again but I followed her again but this time , She succesfully escaped from me .

Since then , I am always here , and right now , I am still here , waiting for her again .

I am courting her now , it's been two years since I met her and courted her and she still not saying yes to me . Not that I am forcing her but I can still wait until forever . I am missing her now because it's been one month since I last saw her . She said that her family is on vacation and today is just the day they will come home here . And I am too excited .

Everytime I am asking her why she still doesn't want her to be my girl . She will just only say

'This is for your own sake too . Some day , I will cause you too much pain so I think , if we are not in a relationship , your pain will be lessen" everytime she answers me that , I can feel that something's not right . Something that I don't know but when she saw that I am curious she will just smile and held my face and said .

'Stop overthinking things . '

And so I did . I stop overthinking and everyday , I am not failing to tell her how much I love her when tomorrow comes .

I feel her sitting beside me . I know that it is her because I know her scent .

I smile at her and she smiled back . She touch my face in ger most gentle way . And again , I can feel that something is not really right .

"This is the first time that I will say this to you . So better listen carefully huh ?" I nodded at her .

As I checked her while body , I know that something is really not right , she is too skinny . Her skin is also white as a paper , her skin is too colorless . What's happening with her ?

When she noticed that I am checking her out . She smiled weakly .

"I love you . I love you so much Kim Myungsoo . I love to fight for our love but I can't . If He wants me to get me now . Then I would come to him . I just want to say I love you . " A tear escaped from her beautful eyes . My forehead creased . I don't know what's happening to her . I feel that she's saying goodbye to me for a long time . I have an idea on my mind but I refuse to accept it .

" But please remember that even if we didn't ended up here , in our next life time , I will do everything to find you and I am the one who will do the chasing . I am the one who will chase you Kim Myungsoo" and that's when she started sobbing . I don't want to accept it . She didn't even clarify it to me . I will only accept it when she is the one who will told me that .

"N-Naeun ? W-what's with your ... speech ? I d-don't get it . " I remained calm . I can feel the tears in my eyes but I fight my best not to cry in front of her . No . This must be her joke time . Yes , only her joke time .

" I know your not dumb Myungsoo . The way you notice my body earlier I know that ylu had something in your mind . Whatever it is . It is right . "

I am shaking my head vigourously . I am in the verge of crying .

"I am sick Myungsoo . Accept it and let go all of the pain . " That's when I let fo all of the tears . I cried hard . I hugged her so tight . So tight sk she can feel that I don't want her to leave me . She hugged me back and cried too .

That is our scene for about 30 minutes .

I slip all away the tears that has been dried on her face .  I let her rest her head in my shoulder and my head was leaning on her head too  with our hands intertwined .

I don't want to end this moment .

"I .. I l-love y-you Myung .. soo . Remember that always . " She said with her weak voice . As if she is whispering . I held her hands tight .

" And I love you too Naeun . Please fight for us . " I begged .

"I .. i w-want t-to . But ... I can't . " she whispered . Another tear escaped from me eyes .

"Just don't say anything . You need to gain your strength back . Please Naeun . Fight for us . " she just nodded .

"I-i will just ... sleep . Myungsoo . Wake m-me u-up if we're going home . "

"I will Naeun . "

Just a moment later , I feel her hand loosen in me . My hearyt beats because of nervousness . I laid her in my thighs .

"Naeun . Naeun . Wake up . Wake up . We're going home already . Wake up . " another bunch of tears flowed in my eyes again as I still shake her and telling her to wake up but she didn't .

I just laid her head in my shoulder and my head in her . Just like our position earlier . I hold her hands tight . It was too cold .  I kissed her forehead and stare at him asking why did he had to take Naeun from me .

I whispered at her ear once again " I love you . Forever . We will going to me meet again . My love ." And i broke down .

I can't believe that it is ended where it all started . 

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So yeah . I don't know what's with me .