You weren’t sure which was colder: the harsh white tiles pressed against your bare knees or the porcelain surface of the toilet you were emptying the contents of your stomach into. It had been a long time since you had cried enough to throw up, yet here you were once again.

 

Since you had had a light lunch, there wasn’t much for your stomach to rid itself of, yet the vomiting had taken all of your energy away, leaving you slumped against the wall next to the toilet. Instead of coming out in heavy sobs, the tears were leaking out of your eyes and dripping down your face. Your entire body was trembling, and it was taking all of your remaining strength to keep your breathing steady and your stomach from dry retching.

 

With your eyes closed, you didn’t quite fall asleep, but you did enter a sort of trance like state. You weren’t aware of your surroundings anymore and all time was lost to you. You could have been there for hours or only five minutes, you had no idea. All you knew was the calm you were trying to achieve in this moment.

 

The feeling of a slobbery little tongue on your leg aroused you from your temporary coma, surprising and scaring you. You opened your tear-blurred eyes to see the faint outline of Roo, your boyfriend’s little Dachshund. The dog seemed to be looking at you with its head cocked to the side, a gesture of concern from the precious companion.

 

“Hey Roo,” you said, your voice scratchy and small. In vain you attempted to raise your arm to pet the animal, but no such luck. With a sharp yip, Roo took off out of the bathroom.

 

It suddenly connected in your brain that if Roo was in your house, than so was Jonghyun. Even more emotions ran through your body; shame at the thought of him seeing you like this, disgust at yourself for allowing you to get in this state, and relief at the thought that Jjong would soon be here with you.

 

You closed your eyes and listened to the sound of Roo’s yips and your boyfriend’s footsteps as she guided him to you in the bathroom. “_____!” he exclaimed, getting down on his knees.

 

“Are you okay? Who did this to you? Are you hurt?” Jonghyun asked, his hands on your face, his thumbs gently wiping away the few tears that dared to fall onto your cheeks.

 

“No, baby, I’m sorry. I’m okay, I just-”. You thought back to the incident with your friend and the sobs came afresh, though less watery from all the tears you had already shed. It didn’t take long for your stomach to revolt, and once again you found yourself over the toilet bowl.

 

You could feel your hair being pulled away from you face, and you sent out a silent thank you to whatever force had brought this man to you. Finished with your spell, you lay slumped over the cold white bowl, listening to Roo’s sad whimpers coming from behind you. Soon a cool washcloth was resting on the back of your neck and your boyfriend’s hand was rubbing soft circles on your upper back.

 

Eventually your breathing grew steady once more and you adjusted yourself so that you were leaning into Jonghyun’s chest, your head resting on his shoulder. One of his arms was wrapped around your shoulders while the other was on your hip, keeping you tight against him. “Ready to talk, ______?”

 

“Sorry, Jjong. I just had a really bad fight with my friend today and I couldn’t take it anymore.”

 

His face was buried in your hair, but you managed to make out a muffled “Really? How bad?”

 

“We’re basically not even friends anymore.”

 

“What?? Which friend was this?”

 

“Do you remember Allie?” A sharp gasp came from the man’s gentle mouth. “Yeah. Right?”

 

“What happened that was that bad?”

 

Your buried your face further into Jjong’s neck, hoping faintly that by retreating into his embrace the horrors of the world could no longer reach you. “Ever since we met, I’ve just felt like our relationship was… toxic. Like I was never going to be good enough for her. Every time I turned around something about me wasn’t up to par. My clothes, my makeup, my car, my education, hell even my family… Just everything. But other than that I really liked her. We had a lot in common, and always had so much fun every time we would hang out. I tried so hard to ignore it, to make it work, thinking that I was just petty. But I’m tired of her treating me like this!! I’m tired of feeling like garbage every time we talk. I called her out on it and I basically told her that… I never want to see her again.”

 

Your breathing became ragged again, and your boyfriend pulled you tighter and began humming, saying your name softly once in a while. Roo’s whine underscored Jjong’s musical comfort, reminding you that they were both here for you.

 

“God, Jonghyun. That was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I hated myself the moment I said it…” You raised your head up and looked him in the eyes. “But not as much as I hated myself when she would say those things. Does that make me a bad person?”

 

“No, not at all baby.” He used his fingers to gently cup your chin and keep you looking at him. “If she made you feel inferior, than you had every right to cut her out of your life. Friendship is about building people up, not tearing each other down.” You could see tears forming in your boyfriend’s eyes. “And if anyone ever tries to make you feel lesser again, you give them hell, okay?”

 

You nodded, a few more tears escaping your eyes. Jonghyun’s other hand found its way to your face, and he began gently peppering you with kisses, his soft lips soothing everywhere the tears had fallen.

 

Finally his lips landed on yours, your mouths moving together in a careful rhythm. With his arms and lips wrapped up in your own, you felt a calm finally settle over you. Allie was far from out of your mind, but you were beginning to forgive yourself for what had transpired that day.

 

A slobbery tongue soon interrupted the moment between Jjong and you, Roo eager to take part in the love that she was witnessing. “Who’s a good puppy?” Jonghyun said to his dog, using one hand to the fur of his baby. “See, _____? Roo and I care about you.” He scooped her up and brought her to you, where she began the remnants of the salty tears from your face.

 

“Thank you baby,” you said to Roo, petting her and kissing the top of her head. And thank you, Jjong.” You leaned over and kissed Jjong deeply before breaking away and resting back into your boyfriend’s embrace, admiring the little family you had, you and your two little puppy dogs.