Beyond - KangminBread

Beyond

story by KangminBread

Excerpt:

A thousand years of love

A thousand years of curse

A thousand years of memories

A thousand years of obstacles

A thousand years of search

A thousand years to repent

Critique Discussion:

veelah veelah

We should rip this apart casually like we are just talking about it amongst ourselves. Rose, you can join in if you want even though you're not listed for written works. lmao Grey, I remember you complaining about this story so... repeat that complaining will be fine.... and then add some more. (THIS PARTICULAR RESPONSE WILL NOT BE PUBLISHED)

ann1914 goldfish ann

Wait, why is it so long? I thought we just do excerpts? ._.

veelah veelah

Oh god, I'm going to have a nightmare tonight about Twilight.... why does "a thousand years" remind me of Twilight?! *dies* But seriously... is this excerpt like someone singing a really bad song or is it like.... a poem introduction. As you should know, veelah purely critiques on the except while Grey and goldfish ann may take a look at the actual link. huhuhuhu

veelah veelah

you can actually read whatever part you want... grey needs to look at part of the story to catch cliches though. ann, you can just talk about anything.

veelah veelah

lmao.... i'm just going to just publish all of this discussion... because it's entertaining. XD

veelah veelah

goldfish... do you not see the excerpt there? LMAO goldfish is seriously a goldfish smh

ann1914 goldfish ann

Oh, okay. Ehem.
When I read the except, I initially thought that omg, this person is going to have a long, painful life. It's a good except though. I can somehow visualize (the pain) I mean, the life that these characters will go through in the story.

ann1914 goldfish ann

I saw the except, of course! But then I saw the link and the scrollbar is so tiny. O.o

veelah veelah

Can you stop saying except, goldfish... like please... *dies*

veelah veelah

#10

Omg... wait, what? the scroll bar is tiny? I have to see this! *clicks link*

ann1914 goldfish ann

#11

OMG! Stupid autocorrect!! Ugh! Don't publish them like that!!

ann1914 goldfish ann

#12

Change everything to excerpt! EXCERPT!

veelah veelah

#13

No... I'm publishing everything, period. Also, note to Grey.... my bad. You did not look at this story before. I though this was my Christmas present story with my ship in it but nope, it's just a kangmin story. kk

ann1914 goldfish ann

#14

Veelah is mean. Autocorrect is mean.

I'm going to cry.

veelah veelah

#15

I clicked on it and was unpleasantly surprised. I think the poster is cool... but we're not talking about the poster now... are we...

veelah veelah

#16

veelah is just being honest. If it makes you feel better. I will also call the except as except. kk

veelah veelah

#17

After 25 minutes have passed... veelah reads the except again...

A thousand years of love
A thousand years of curse
A thousand years of memories
A thousand years of obstacles
A thousand years of search
A thousand years to repent

Figured this was the description of the work (since I peeked). I guess it works as a summary of the story without giving much away, I guess. I wish it'd rhyme though (after reading it for the 5th time).

ann1914 goldfish ann

#18

You don't have to. π-π

veelah veelah

#19

Actually, ann. I was the first to say except. Look to the earlier responses. Just being honest.

veelah veelah

#20

After I vandalize our request list page, I'll be back to re-read the except... might have new insights then.

ann1914 goldfish ann

#21

You're just going to keep at it with the excerpt, aren't you? Lol.

ann1914 goldfish ann

#22

By the way, I don't really read boyxboy or girlxgirl stories.

veelah veelah

#23

I guess we should put that in your info box... and then I'll be recording a new text-to-speech for that. LMAO

Topu-Da Grey

#24

do i need to review it too? or the writer selects the reviewer?

veelah veelah

#25

No, you're reviewing it too if veelah adds you to the group.

Topu-Da Grey

#26

huh...6 chapters. shall i do all of the chaps?

veelah veelah

#27

*cough* overachiever *cough*

Topu-Da Grey

#28

and do i comment on the google doc?

veelah veelah

#29

If you want... but you should do all the critique stuff in this discussion since this is published. Check the Beyond by KangminBread chapter and you'll see.

veelah veelah

#30

LMAO! LOOK AT THE DOC STORY LINK! https://docs.google.com/document/d/18a0jrVDKvvF8H5AdkydSYIaepRIg6nVynAQyZGRb6oI/edit Grey (topumasum) IS GOING TO TOWN! *tears up* She lives up to her title, yo.

Topu-Da Grey

#31

I'm done...phew...that was darn descriptive and yet over emotional. Firstly, the "Yah...". , I hate that expression and even though used only once, I still cringed. At least the first chapter didn't start with an alarm! Well, hospital is no better and overused too! Don't get me started on the reincarnation plot. I've seen them so many times on Indian serials, that I lost my sympathy for this genre.
There...I'm done.

veelah veelah

#32

Yah... Grey.

Nice. LMAO You're still going on about that wake up alarm? is that on your top hate list? The alarm? Reincarnation... isn't that a religious thing?

Topu-Da Grey

#33

trust me...it is but if you see them in the indian dramas, you'll puke.

veelah veelah

#34

Watch japanese dramas instead.

Katerina93 Rose

#35

I need to finish reading Grey's fic @ ao3.

Topu-Da Grey

#36

oh god, katerina93, please no. i'm so embarrassed.

Topu-Da Grey

#37

btw...i'm supposed to complain on the clicheness of the stories, so the story is great (true, it is.) but it is my job to smack it down nonetheless. So...nothing personal authors!

veelah veelah

#38

You did well, Grey, you did well. >:] oh, wb Rose.

Generating more posts... complete.

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Comments

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KaihleeLo #1 Sep 9, 2017 02:22:32

Chapter 10: Thank you for the critique, though this review was confusing as heck because of the layout I still was able to grasp the reviewers' insightful notes. Clinged should have been clung (obviously). I use google doc so it should automatically have a spell checker but it only checks to a certain degree, as you can see most of the time it doesn't catch . I don't plan to change "In the decades of 1800..." - maybe I'll write it as "In the 1800s" but - personally, I feel - yeah it's what you may find in a textbook; however, referring to a dynasty makes me feel I should now write accordingly to a specific non-fictional time period. And that's something I don't want to do.

I'm a very, in fact overly, descriptive writer and it's something I just naturally do. If I cut it down then I get this feeling that my readers wouldn't get the full picture I wanted to paint for them. But I will practice being even less descriptive (no lie, if you saw/read "Concealed Identity" some month ago you would want to strangle me). Thank goodness you for bringing up the formal and informal thing. I went back and forth with it so much I still don't know whether to keep it formal or informal. But when I get it figured out I'll go back make those changes. Overall I took a lot away from this 'discussion', even if it doesn't look like it. Thank you for being so quick with the review.

Ann - be prepared for some dense stuff in "Camellia On Top". I'll keep you in mind and try to make it less dense than "Concealed Identity" but no promises >_< due to the same reasons above.

KaihleeLo #2 Aug 10, 2017 19:51:05

Alrighty requested~ Thank you!

KellySeumilli #3 Aug 10, 2017 14:10:49

Hello ^^ I'd like to use my pass for a story critique ^^

KaihleeLo #4 Aug 10, 2017 07:13:02

Hello~ would love to use my pass for a story review.

chariseuma #5 Jul 17, 2017 04:36:42

Chapter 8: if anything i am grateful for ur honesty lmao there's no exactly romance in the story; it mainly focuses on the main character trying to find the truth of her sister

She's actually based on UMJI from g-friend and mate, i also happen to not like the name eunji but i thought whatever otl

Thanks for your honest comments and I'll be sure to check the tenses when I have the time

(Yes aff should have dog emojis lol)

chariseuma #6 Jul 6, 2017 04:16:44

Hiya I requested. Cheers x

sunflowerpots #7 Apr 16, 2017 01:59:38

Chapter 6: Dafaq. Hahahaha. There are Jose Rizal's minions here omg. Lol, I tried looking for reactions regarding the end part of the story but okay I had fun reading this. The story's trigger warned hence the 'subs only' so I really have no choice regarding that :)
The excerpt reading was quite nice, lol. I tried my best. XD thanks for this though.

ann1914 #8 Apr 16, 2017 01:48:51

Chapter 7: The title and recording for this chapter are amazing, lol.

sunflowerpots #9 Apr 3, 2017 10:36:38

I requested. *I'm definitely excited*

jenmarenchenjihae #10 Apr 2, 2017 21:44:40

I requested, it was quite hard.