A/N: is this angst? i dunno

"The loneliest people are the kindest. The saddest people smile the brightest. The most damaged people are the wisest. All because they do not wish to see anyone else suffer the way they do.'' -Anonymous

***

The next scene is supposed to be filmed in some sort of a house, and it only needed the blond and the ebony-haired male, so the other five members were dismissed for the time being. It was convenient; everything was packed into buses and the next filming location was just thirty minutes away.
 

Right after they reached, Minhyuk watched at the makeup artists did their magic such that Hyungwon's face now looked bruised and excessively beaten up, and even though Hyungwon had told him not to think of it, his mind diverted helplessly to the state Hyungwon had been in during their trainee days. He had been working endlessly and tirelessly that he succumbed to only two hours of sleep each day, and as much as Minhyuk advised him not to sacrifice himself so much, it still broke him to notice the ever-growing eyebags that were planted under the brunet's eyes. Hyungwon had considered the blond as a physical form of moral support then. Now, his visuals have improved and he gets more sleep for the sake of being an idol, but Minhyuk swears he is never going to let Hyungwon return to that state again. 
 

The both of them get into position after the makeup artists were done with finishing up and the lights were set to the best possible angle. Minhyuk does his best to get into the mood of worrying about Hyungwon (it isn't hard), while the brunet in front of him puts on a white ski mask carefully, afraid of tainting the colour with his makeup. Minhyuk helps, and gives a signal to Hyun, the director of the entire filming, once he was done. The latter calls out, "Action!" and Minhyuk exudes all of the emotions he can muster for Hyungwon's beaten up state. 
 

The blond starts perturbing the brunet, having a small fight accompanied by dialogue for a while over revealing Hyungwon's makeup under the mask. The latter keeps this up perfectly, dodging all of Minhyuk's wants to snatch at the mask that portrays the personality of someone who didn't want their sufferings to be seen by others. Finally, Hyungwon lets the blond succumb, and Minhyuk holds the ski mask with both hands; the mask was already torn slightly apart, and he wonders whether it was supposed to be a metaphor of how much it has affected Hyungwon's character in the story (to the fact that even his mask wasn't even perfect anymore). He lifted it carefully, revealing the younger male's bruised-up state, and he couldn't help but stare at the person he has been loving for almost four years. He looked perfect, with the dark brown irises staring back into his, and Minhyuk could see all of the guilt in his character's eyes for hiding all his torment from his friends, in particular his best friend. 
 

The stare Minhyuk gives Hyungwon, of both concern and awe, isn't entirely scripted. The latter lifts his head slightly to catch their gazes, and the blond felt like he had been hit by a truck; the thought of whatever the younger male had said to him earlier streaming and flooding his mind, and he got up hastily to scavenge for whatever ways his character can carry out to treat his friend. He leaves the scene without a word, and Hyungwon was left seated on the floor, still surrounded by his own afflicted agony and silence.
 

"Cut! Perfect, guys. Absolutely perfect," Hyun gushes, reviewing the footage. "You two are making me emotional over here. Nicely done." 
 

Hyungwon gets up after the cameras click with a smile on his face, clearly showing how he didn't let anything negative affect him. He sees Minhyuk standing at a corner of the filming area with crossed arms and he was biting a nail nervously, and didn't hesitate to approach him.
 

"Hey."
 

When Minhyuk didn't respond nor lifted his head to acknowledge the brunet, Hyungwon continues, "You did great, don't worry."
 

"Dude, I'm sorry for not being of much help back then," the blond laments, bringing his hand down from his mouth and circling both arms tighter around himself. "I should have taken care of you better, I should have made your life easier then." 
 

Hyungwon looks at him, understanding in his dark-brownish eyes. "It's okay, Hyukkie." he says, almost timidly, afraid of saying anything to break the older male. "You were my best friend then. As different as it seems, you were the only person whom I can actually freely talk to; it just felt weird to approach the others, like as if they didn't really need me. However, just your presence made me continue realising my purpose in training to become an idol."
 

Minhyuk's heart leaps into his chest.
 

"I trained for what felt like forever, it somehow felt so long to me. I did all that to myself so that Starship could see how much effort I had put in to debut. But they turned a blind eye to it, and I was left like some puppy with injuries after getting into a fight or something," the brunet continues. "But miraculously, you noticed my efforts in doing so and since then I have been so grateful for you." Hyungwon's hand grazed over Minhyuk's lightly and the latter could only hold his breath at the attention. "As much as I hid it, it didn't really feel right onstage with the others. But when you were there... Not having you there made it so much harder, to be honest."
 

This both sounds and feels like a three a.m. confession, complete with the averted gazes and lightly flushed cheeks in the both of them, and and Minhyuk's heart just longs. He wants so badly to press Hyungwon against the wall behind him and kiss him and tell him exactly how amazing he is; he's wanted to do that since the day he met the brunet, really. Singing "All in, my body and heart / My time and money" in the studio wasn't hard, since Minhyuk just thought of him all the time.
 

"I wanted so bad to help you," the blond nearly whispers, dipping his head and staring at their knees. He feels Hyungwon glance at him. "Every time I approached you with my cheer to say hi, or whatever, I felt like I was bothering you or something. I didn't wanna feel like I was dragging you down even further by being oblivious to how much you were suffering."
 

There's silence for a few long, torturous seconds before Hyungwon finally murmurs, "Minhyuk." His tone is indecipherable, but it's definitely weighted with either gratitude, or guilt. 
 

"I would look out for you from