Youngjae falls halfway during training, and it's all a blur for Daehyun, really. His body moves in an impossibly agile way, his mind throws out orders like a gambler shuffling out cards, but his heart - it's stopped. It's wrenched together because Youngjae is his recruit, he is Youngjae's mentor, and yet he has let such a thing happened. Youngjae may be that irritating recruit trying to put off training, escaping with non-existent illnesses and he may have a horrifying attitude - but he's nonetheless under Daehyun.

They reach the emergency room, and Daehyun watches as they wheel Youngjae in hurriedly. Youngjae is barely moving, eyes diluted and even though Daehyun is looking straight into his eyes, he hopes Youngjae doesn't look back into his. He stands by Youngjae's side, head lowered and eyebrows creased. He's encouraged to leave by a medic, and the section sergeant leaves but he refuses to budge. "You're my responsibility. I have to watch over you, like I should have," he says in a strained, lowered voice as the medics rush Youngjae under a cold shower.

The world is spinning, his skin is prickling with immense heat and layered with freezing cold, but Youngjae still manages to hear his words. Something twists in his guts, and he's pretty damn sure it's guilt.

xxx

The ferry to the training grounds is a rather short ride, or at least, it's not long enough for his thoughts to be put together. Perhaps he'll never put his thoughts together even for eternity, because the puzzle pieces are all the same with his father's face on it, scrunched up in pain, lying on the hospital bed.

And it's all his fault.

If he hadn't been so caught up in thinking for himself, if he had spared a thought for the people around him, if he had just realized that he was a spoilt brat who hid behind his mommy all the time and needed to grow the hell up, this all wouldn't have happened. His actions have caused dire consequences, not only to him, but to tons of people around him.

The boat reaches the docks and Youngjae climbs out, heaving a sigh. It's not a breath of unwillingness, neither is it a breath of anticipation. It's just a long, tired exhale that composes of the quantities in the air, clear like his mind now is.

"Recruit Youngjae."

He doesn't even make it a few steps before he hears a voice. Boots meet the wooden floor and Sergeant Jung steps out, hands behind his back and eyes landing on him before darting away.

"Sergeant Jung," Youngjae greets, standing up and stamping a foot into the ground. Daehyun's eyes combs over Youngjae for a moment with a strange look before he nods, motioning him to sit. He joins him by the curb overlooking the sea, and Youngjae takes in the picturesque scene of the training grounds - one he has never came to appreciated before.

"Are you better?" Daehyun says after a long silence consisting of waves splashing against cement walls and wind scratching against rails. Youngjae's voice catches in his throat, mixing with waves and waves of guilt.

"Yes, platoon sergeant," Youngjae replies and they fall into a silence again, this time with unsaid words lingering on Daehyun's lips. He releases a sigh, arms rising and falling. Youngjae watches the outline of his shoulder descend, and looks to the ground when Daehyun speaks.

"I'm sorry for letting it happen."

Daehyun's eyes are fixated on the horizon. Youngjae blinks slowly, watching the waves smash against the jagged rocks.

"You're my responsibility. I should have checked if you were okay," Daehyun breathes out slowly. He can't bear to look Youngjae in the eyes but it's not because he's a higher-up apologizing to a recruit, but it's because he's his mentor but he can't even do his job properly.

"I'm sorry for making it happen."

Daehyun stares at the sea for a long moment, eyelids fluttering before he turns to Youngjae, who has melancholy infused into his dark brown pupils. He lays back slightly, eyes wandering over the palm trees swaying in the winds.

"I was trying to get myself sick so I could see my girlfriend off," Youngjae confesses and doesn't watch for Daehyun's reaction.  "I never realized it was so selfish of me to do that - now my father's in the hospital and I can't even look at him."

Daehyun's fingers brushes across the creases on his pants. He lets out a long, toiling sigh and he won't lie that he's not disappointed - he is, in fact, he's angry, and he actually wants to punch Youngjae in the face for making him go through all that . But then, Youngjae speaks again, guilt writhing through his voice.

"He nearly died rushing to see me. , then he got into a car accident," Youngjae says as his nails scrape against the rocks. Daehyun swallows and another silence overcomes them. He picks up a small rock lying on a grass patch and flings it out into the sea. Ripples form in a long line, consecutively drawn into the suface of blue.

"Every thing you do has a consequence," Daehyun says coolly. "A ripple effect. A long string of what-happens-next that affects a whole lot of other people."

Youngjae looks up as Daehyun rises to his feet, dusting off dirt on his pants. "You just have to choose if you want them to be good or bad."

Youngjae watches Daehyun go, wind sifting through his uniform. He throws a small pebble into the sea, and watches circles form.

He leaves for his dorm.