Kim Jaejoong smiled as he raked Jung Yunho's hair. He moved closer to him, feeling his warmth, hugging his husband tighter. Husband. He smiled again at the sweet taste that word had left on his mouth. Yes. Jung Yunho's his husband. They were married for two years now. Two wonderful years for him, but for Yunho? It's two miserable years.

Yunho began to stirred, then slowly opened his eyes, a smile creeping on his face. For a moment, he thought, that maybe, Yunho was smiling at him, but when Yunho blinked, and sleep was already out of his system, his smile turned into frown. And just like every day, for the past two years, when Yunho realized they were too close, he would flit away in an instant, as if he has some infections disease. But just like he would always do, he only smiled at him.

"Good morning," he said, offering Yunho his sweetest smile. Yunho didn't even shrug in return. Instead, he shot upright and left the bed, marching toward the bathroom without any word. And again, he just smiled.

"I'll be cooking downstairs, fill up before you leave, okay?" he said, silence answered him.

*

"Come, sit. You're coffee is still hot, I made it just like you want," he said, placing a plate on the table, motioning for Yunho to sit. But Yunho shook his head, "No, I'll be having breakfast in the office," he said, without even looking at him.

"I see. How about lunch? It's been a year since we last go out, I know a place just downtown, it's near in your office," he said, slipping off his apron, then, walking toward Yunho to fix his tie. Before he even reached Yunho, he took a step backward.

"We'll have this monthly meeting, and I'll be busy today," Yunho said, touching the tip of his nose, a mannerism of him that indicated he was getting annoyed.

"Okay. Hmm. Dinner? You'll have dinner here, right? I'll prepare your favorite foods," he said, clasping his hands together, "Please?"

"I'll try," Yunho finally said, shifted his foot, walking toward their door without even kissing him or saying goodbye properly. He chuckled, because those things only happen when they were with his parents, when they were in public. They were the happy, perfect family in the eyes of society.

He shook his head hard, because, you see, it was all his fault. He was the reason why the cheery and happy-go-lucky Jung Yunho was gone. He was the reason why the spark in Yunho's eyes were gone. Everything was his fault. And you know why? Because he loved him so much. Just so much.

Bitting his lips hard, he took a seat, eating his breakfast alone. And as he chewed, his mind wandered to those times when Yunho was the happy boy, the young boy he had fallen in love to.

--

They were classmates since grade eight. Jung Yunho transferred to their school because of his father's job. When he first laid his eyes on him, he fell in love. Love at first sight, as the old saying would say. And Jung Yunho was nice, very nice, indeed. He was the kind of person who would smile at you even if he was having a hard day. He was nice.

Just before they entered Junior High, he realized Yunho had left a lover back in his province. He would always write him emails, and call him, and text him. And he couldn't help wishing it was him. Yunho was nice, but he wasn't looking at him. He was always looking passed him. But he loved him so much.

Then, an opportunity came. It was when Yunho's father's business went bankrupt. Having no one to help them, he stepped in, offering his family's help. Yunho hugged him then, thanking him. But then, thanks became curses, and curses became hatred when a condition set in.

"We'll help you, we'll help you regain back your company," his father said, using his professional tone. "But on one condition, your son, Yunho, would have to marry my son."

Reluctant at first, Yunho agreed. Their wedding was extravagant. He was happy. However, Yunho's looking at him with fury. He shrugged it off, because he loved him. Yes. Love. It's funny how love could build your life and destroy one at the same time. In their first year of marriage, he would always notice Yunho's longing while looking down at his phone. His longing to someone that wasn't him.

He should've let him go, should've let Yunho being happy with the person that makes him one. But he couldn't. Yunho was his. Finally. And no matter how many curses and disgusted looks and fury and hatred Yunho would give him, he wouldn't let him go.

*

Yunho came home that night, drunk. He was waiting in the porch when his car stopped in front of their house, then, came a stumbling Yunho.

"Oh, here comes my lovely husband," Yunho said between hiccups, trying to walk straight. He caught him just before his face landed on the ground.

"Are you drunk?" he asked the obvious. Yunho laughed mockingly at him.

"Yesh, I'm drink .. ing my sorrows away, because you know? He had married someone else today. Oh, how lucky can I be? It was s'pposed to be me, if it wasn't for some scoundrel who effin ruined my life," Yunho said, then, laughed again.

He closed his eyes after that comment. Yes. He was a scoundrel and he ruined his life. Yunho continued to laugh, cried afterwards before he passed out.

Though the words still stung, he bit his lips, trying not to shed any tear. When he laid Yunho in their bed and began to slipped his clothes away, that's when he see it. The scars. The rugged looking scars etched on his wrist. That's when he began to cry. Yunho was his, but his heart? It belonged to somebody else. He fell asleep that night, crying.

*

Come morning, he find Yunho wasn't laying in their bed. He shot upright, calling his name from the bathroom, with no answer, he went downstairs, that's when see him. 

He was only seeing Yunho's back, but he could clearly see a gun, a gun that was placed between his temples.

He silently walked to him, then, Yunho, as if having second thoughts, put down the gun, he find him wiping his tears, then placing it back in his head.

"Go ahead," he said quietly. Yunho turned to him, gun still on his head. "Go ahead," he repeated, offering him a smile. "Take a shot. It's about time we stop pretending,"

Yunho closed his eyes, nodding at him. Then, for the very first time since they got married, Yunho smiled at him, his real smile. "Thank you." Yunho said, gave him a smile again before a gunshot rang to his ears.