“I can't believe we got you again,” Jackson and Bambam yell in unison as they bounce around Yugyeom's weary frame. The maknae grins, large and comical, because there's really not much he can do or say. The rest of the members laugh as they recall the events but Yugyeom feels his stomach twist and churn. It's not a foreign feeling, he's experienced this before years ago, but it feels different this time. He's not sure why but it does. “And we have Jinyoung to thank for the plan,” Jackson boasts before quickly evading the singer's wrath.

Of course Jinyoung would be behind this. Yugyeom's smile drops as he stars at the unaware singer, but it doesn't go unnoticed by the two eldest.

“I'm riding in front,” Yugyeom states hurriedly, not even waiting for the other members to say anything as he just slides into the front of the van.

The manager throws a look through the rear-view mirror but Yugyeom doesn't pay attention, much too wrapped up in reading comments on the Vapp. His fans liked it and maybe that's the only thing that matters but the incident still sits heavy in Yugyeom's heart.

He still doesn't know why.

Noise pollution only increases as Jackson and Bambam yap on as needy puppies (so, all puppies) do. It's not that Yugyeom hates his hyungs, men show their affection like this, but is that really an excuse? Is that an excuse to play his feelings like this? Yugyeom puts on his headphones and turns up the volume all the way on his phone. Unfortunately, the heavy bass isn't enough to drown out the voices. He still hears Jaebum calling his name but he pretends not to.

'It's only 6,300 won!'

'I almost saw him cry'

'I want to leave the group'

'I'm fine!'

The scenes repeat in Yugyeom's head and itch like a lice infestation. Tall skyscrapers and a scenic view isn't enough to get Yugyeom out of his own head; the window just reflects his own sullen face.

'I'm fine'

Is he really?

Feelings have never been Yugyeom's cup of tea, didn't like to deal with them, so he darts out of the van first and practically sprints to the dorm without sparing the rest of the members a glance, yelling something about needing a shower because the smell of wine won't leave him. It's not a total lie, the bitter scent of wine still lingers despite not a drop getting onto his clothes. He's an adult though, and he needs to face whatever feeling is bubbling to the surface instead of suppressing it. It's the adult thing to do, the right thing to do, but Yugyeom never asked to be an adult.

It doesn't matter anyway, because he's fine. Everything's okay—really.

'I'm fine'

He only steps out of the bathroom when the steam becomes borderline suffocating and his vision clouds.

“God, did you use up all the hot water,” Jinyoung complains as the steam escapes.

Freezing, Yugyeom stares with owl-eyes at the shorter member. Suddenly, flashes of a serious and angry Jinyoung filter through his eyes and Yugyeom ducks his head and looks away. “Sorry,” he mutters quietly as he slips by. Jinyoung's mouth practically unhinges but no words come out; he watches as Yugyeom retreats quietly into his room and shuts the door.

A heavy atmosphere surrounds them the next day. The tension weighs heavy on Yugyeom's shoulders and eats away at his skin. This must be his fault too, for making things awkward.

Thankfully Coco can't sense the atmosphere and breaks the silence with her sharp barks. Youngjae looks down at the tiny dog and coos, “Oh, do want attention?” Coco yips again as Youngjae scoops her tiny body into his arms. “Someone needs a bath. Mark-hyung,” the blonde manages to turn his eyes away from the symbiotic relationship he's built with his phone, “help me give Coco a bath.”

The tension is awash with relief as things go back to normal, or maybe it was just Yugyeom who felt like it was unusual in the first place. Either way, the maknae returns his attention back to the game Bambam and Jackson are playing.

“Stop, you're cheating,” Bambam whines as Jackson messes with the younger's controller.

Jackson, like usual, shouts, but it's not the words that get Yugyeom it's the volume and tone. His body goes rigid and his eyes glaze over as he remembers the rappers raised voice from yesterday. The way he accused him and Youngjae for being the cause of the wine bottle breaking. The episode is so clear and crisp in his mind that he even hears the sound of the bottle shattering again and flinches away, pressing his back closer to the couch. The lights flicker back on in his brain and Yugyeom's back to the present staring back at the foreign duo who regard him as if he's grown a second head. Bambam's arm is in the air, empty of the controller, and as Yugyeom looks down he sees the black device on the ground.

“Are you okay there, gyeom?” Concern laces Bambam's voice but Yugyeom dismisses it because what's there to be concerned about?

Jackson isn't as convinced though as he presses on, “Really? Because when the controller fell you flinched like you were about to get punched.”

Oh.

“Oh.”

Bambam's about to say something again but Yugyeom beats the second-youngest to it with a dismissive wave of his hand, “Seriously, there's nothing wrong.”

'I'm fine'

Things have a way of plaguing Yugyeom's mind and this prank is no different. The first one took him a good week to fully get over, so he expects this one to take a week as well. Except, that he feels different. Where as the younger him gladly basked in his hyungs touches and attention, he now pulls away from his fellow teammates as if they had acid leaking out of their pores.

Maybe it's a rebellious phase? A late, teenage rebellion because he never got to have one.

Whatever the case may be, the members notice. No one really does skinship with him anyway besides Bambam, but it doesn't even have to be physical contact for Yugyeom to want to scratch at his skin and scream. Just hearing his hyungs' voices makes him want to puke and seeing their faces causes revulsion to crawl up his spine.

He doesn't like the way they smile, or how Jinyoung asks why he's not hungry anymore, or how Jaebum complains that he doesn't want to spend time with them.

He's not sure where these feelings are stemming from or maybe he does but just doesn't want to face it. He searches his symptoms on the internet like any rational adult who is too embarrassed to talk about the things plaguing them. It's night, well, early morning when he surfs the web on his phone, blankets pulled over his face just in case Bambam decides to wake up at two in the morning for whatever reason. The first link that pops up is an article about post-traumatic stress disorder and the several links following relate the same thing; PTSD. The idea that the wine incident had caused some sort of stress related disorder is ridiculous though and Yugyeom exits out of the window.

Maybe it's not that outlandish of an idea; however, especially when Youngjae and Jinyoung return from shopping with a bottle of wine.

Immediately every nerve-ending in his body goes into overdrive and the synapses in his brain fire at a rapid pace. The wine isn't even red but it doesn't have to be because it's still wine and that's all it needs to be for Yugyeom's heart to palpitate.

“Better keep it away from Yugyeom,” Mark comments offhandedly.

Jaebum grins and adds, “And Jackson and Youngjae.”

“Hey! I thought we agreed I didn't do anything,” the young singer whines as he puts the groceries away.

And Yugyeom should laugh, it's been a week, but he can't bring himself to because all of his energy is going into keeping his heart-rate up. “Maknae, don't just stand there,” Jinyoung comments with a minor hint of annoyance, “come and help.”

“Riiight,” Yugyeom spaces out as he takes a step forward, but that proves to be a mistake as his stomach rages angrily. He smells wine despite the bottle not being opened and darts to the bathroom, slamming the door and dry heaving into the porcelain bowl.

'I'm fine'

“Are you okay, Yugyeom,” their manager, Seunghoon, inquires with his eyebrows drawn closely as he bursts the red-head's personal bubble.

Yugyeom tries his best not to take a step back and his head to the side.

“Yeah, why do you ask, hyung?”

Seunghoon looks at him, really looks, before stepping back and shaking his head. It shouldn't feel so much like a parent showing disappointment at their child but it does and it makes Yugyeom feel like one.

'I'm fine'

“Yugyeom, you know it was just a prank, right,” Jaebum says with a gentle but firm voice that he's learned to master over the years. Yugyeom offers no verbal remark, just a jerk of his head. He's not sure how to feel, one minute he was leisurely laying on his bed looking at his instagram feed, the next thing he knows the members are crowding around his bed with concerned faces. Of course, when the looks at the leader's eyes he knows he won't be able to simply skate by this.

Jackson sits down on the bed, resting his hand gently on Yugyeom's knee and giving a small squeeze. “You've been acting strange lately.”

Mark, in the ever blunt fashion he embodies, goes to the point, “Are you mad at us?”

Conversations, especially ones that involved the whole group, have always been a delicate matter. Yugyeom sits up quietly and stares at the anxious eyes on him. His hyungs care, he knows this. He also knows that they wouldn't do anything malicious on purpose because they weren't sadists. It was just a prank, but Yugyeom can't get past that it was a prank at his expense once again. That he thought the group was falling apart for a second time all because of a stupid wine bottle and he hates himself for falling into the same trap. He hates feeling like he was the cause for the group's potential break-up yet again.

Yugyeom would like to think he's a good maknae, and all bullying his hyungs aside, he would do anything for them because Got7 is his life.

He wonders if the rest of the members know this, or if it would really matter.

“It's my fault,” Yugyeom finally breaths out, and it's the truth because he believed them and allowed himself to get hurt. For once though, just this once, he wants his words to cut through them like they did him, to give back what he got. Yugyeom like's to think he's a good maknae, but he isn't a saint. “Next time I'll just be careful not to trust you.”

And the stunned expressions should make Yugyeom happy but it doesn't. It feels like a hollow victory.

'I'm fine'

A/N: Just four pages of word vomit tbqh. I'm not even sure why the hidden camera affected me so much, I think I felt worse than Yugyeom afterwords because Got7 is such a precious thing to him and i can't even begin to imagine what it felt like going through that--again. I kind of lowkey hate the members right now and just want to wrap Yugyeom up in a blanket and protect him