I don't know how long could I keep up living like this. My head throbbed at all the thoughts that raced through my mind. Having insomnia didn't help either and all I wanted to do everyday was to do nothing but sleep the day away.

I want to cry all the frustrations out but nothing seem to come out and I felt numb on every aspect. I don't understand why I couldn't just be good at something. Just one thing would be enough but no, I was born mediocre. I did a lot of things, rock climbing, kayaking, medical school, karate, track and field, and even dancing but whatever the outcome was, it was also mediocre. My skills were always average and it's hard because I get distracted easily. I want to do so many things and learn them all but I always just end up doing it pretty ty if you'd ask me.

Lately, the presence of another annoys me. I just want to be left alone. I didn't want any company nor do I appreciate any anymore. The thought of having a company overwhelmsed me and before I knew it, I would start crying like a mess wreckage. Doctors said it was mild depression and they advised me to try and be around friends and family but they don't understand, the problem was being with friends and family that made me feel this way. They always made me feel like a hurricane. Expectations after expectations, it was weighing me down like an anchor when they made it clear that I was nothing but a disappointment. 

"Why can't you do things right?"

"Are you always this useless!"

"What? Again? Why do you always do this!"

Why don't you all just shoot me to my death? I'm mentally drained out having to deal with other people's emotions when I don't even know how to deal with my own. It's nice to know that I'm deemed as reliable by others but they need to understand that I'm human too, I need a break from life once in awhile. Is that so hard? I just need some time alone but people take it as I'm being ridiculously rude and rebellious? Everything was draining me out and I wonder how could I keep up in this hell hole. The only thing that was keeping me sane was my boyfriend, Namjoon. Sadly though, right now, I have no idea where he is.

The shared apartment of our door opened and came in a trudging Namjoon, face exhausted, body slouched but when he saw me, he shot out the brightest smile - toothy, dimples and all.

"What have you been up to all day?" Namjoon cooed as he sat down beside me on the couch.

"Feeling exhausted, that's what," I mumbled, pulling the covers up while I stare into blank space.

Without uttering a word, Namjoon took his cap and socks off before nestling himself in the covers with me. He wrapped his arms around me and gently pat my back while humming to Butterfly.

"Were you at the studio?" I asked as I closed my eyes and rest my head on his chest, feeling a light peck on the crown of my head.

"Yeah, I was. I figured you needed time alone today. Did you ate the breakfast I made for you just now?"

"Mmhmm. Joon," I looked up and he tilted his head to the left cutely, "What is it, babe?"

"Thank you," I let out a small smile and continued, "Thank you for understanding me and loving me the way I am. Thank you for loving me when I'm still learning to love myself. I know I can get difficult sometimes but thank you, thank you for your patience."

Namjoon chuckled softly before cupping my face to give me a light kiss on the lips.

"Anything for my baby girl. I know life can get hard sometimes but you need to know that you're stronger than this and it's okay to have bad days. We're all human. Just know that I will always be here for you and that I love you very much, yeah?" 

I nodded my head and smiled before resting my head back down again on his chest. 

"I love you too, Joonie."

It was days like this that always made me feel like a completely crap. Days when my head refuse to tame my emotional heart and allow my soul to be eaten out by worries and insecurities. But it was also days like this that made me feel a lot better of myself because of Namjoon and he was enough to tell myself that I am worth it, flaws and all.