Ever since he was a child, Byun Baekhyun always thought of his family as perfect. He would always tell his friends how his father worked hard for them and how his mother would patiently wait for his father's return after every tiring day. He would always tell his friends how even after years of marriage, their love was still strong. He'll tell them he'll fall in love too, just like they did, and would love his partner just like how his parents did. But the family he thought was perfect wasn't really the way he saw it. He was there, turning nine when the perfect image of his family faded, shattered in pieces. He was young, but inevitably witnessed how his parents fell out of love. With his father having an affair with his young secretary, his mother fell into depression, turning to alcohol as an ally.

Slowly yet surely, their family fell apart, and on times like that, who was the casualty? Him. He was the only casualty of the fallen and broken vows.

After two years of trying to salvage their family with no improvements, his parents decided to separate. He remembered crying the whole night, asking his father not to leave, but they already made the decision, that even his pleads couldn't changed it. And so, he promised himself not to fall in love, for he'll surely fell out of love too, but his resolve went forgotten when he met a boy named Park Chanyeol. 

Park Chanyeol. As he sipped his morning coffee, he remembered.

**

Park Chanyeol's the boy who transferred to their school a month after the classes had started. Being the tallest in the class, he was always picked on, always the source of teasings. And him, being the class president, stood up for him, and later, they became friends. It was October they met in October, it was fall then, and he fell in love too, but he was too afraid to take a risk.

It was in middle school when Park Chanyeol asked him if he could court him, they were sitting on a bench then, having their lunch.

"Hey, you know, I think I like you, no, I really like you, can I court you?" Chanyeol asked, casually and coolly. And he's glad he wasn't drinking anything then, he looked at him in disbelief, noticing how puberty hit him pretty well. His jaws were shaped perfectly, few stubbles coming out. His lips were red, face had lost its boyishness but still looked innocent. And it was his body he admired the most, he was taller then, and few muscles were showing on the right places.

He swallowed down his food with water, still looking at him in disbelief. "Yes," he wanted to say that, but then, he saw an image. It was an image of his father's miserable face, wanting out on his miserable marriage. He closed his eyes, though he wanted to say yes, he held back the word, and didn't say anything, Chanyeol understood.

Time flies, they were in third year highschool when Chanyeol leaned in and kissed him. They were on his room then, watching a tearjerker movie. He was crying when the main protagonist die and Chanyeol comforted him, that lead to their first kiss. Chanyeol's lips were soft on his, he smelled of wood and wind and tasted like coffee, Chanyeol liked drinking coffee anyway. He was about to return his kiss, his lips were beginning to move to return it with equal need, with equal passion but an image flashed before him. It was an image of his mother as she cried at night, holding a bottle of alcohol, drowning her sorrows away.

He pulled away instantly, Chanyeol's eyes were sad. He said, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that, but you see, I like you, I really do,"

He closed his eyes again, unmoving. He felt Chanyeol stood up, leaving his room. He wanted to stopped him, invite him for the rest of the night. Again, he held back.

They spent the next days with awkwardness, eyes wanting to meet each others but would flit away every time they did. They regained their friendship after three months of silence.

Before their graduation in college, Chanyeol asked him again, no, he confessed to him. Under the spring sky of March, Park Chanyeol confessed how much he had loved him, ever since they were young. He even prepared a candle lite dinner. He wanted to tell him he loved him too, he wanted to hug him, wanted to kiss him, wanted to spend the night with him, wanted to breathe with him for the next course of their lives. He wanted to spent the next forever with him, but he's too afraid to nod his head. He was too afraid to say yes, too afraid to take the risk. He ran away that night, leaving Park Chanyeol with a look that haunted him ever since he made that choice.

He cried that night, blaming his parents for ruining his life, ruining his faith in love. But at the end of the night, he realized it wasn't their fault, it was his. He's too afraid he'll wear the pained looks of his parents if he'd ever fall in love. He was afraid to get hurt, that's why he was the one hurting others.

That time, it took a year before Chanyeol came around again. They managed to bring back their friendship.

And after three years, he finally had the courage to moved on, moved on from the pain of his family's separation. He finally let go himself from the world of fears. He finally liberated himself, he was finally able to love Chanyeol, without doubts. He could finally love him, freely. With that on his mind, he went to Chanyeol's apartment, thinking how Chanyeol would react, he'll be happy, he'll probably kiss him, and he wouldn't pulled back, he would kiss him, in exchange for all the kisses he had withheld. He would hug him, cuddle with him, made love to him, tell him how much he really loved him. But he was too late. He was four years too late. 

He find Chanyeol that night, grinning from ear to ear. "Baekhyun," Chanyeol called his name. He turned to him, wanting to hug him right then, but he waited for whatever Chanyeol would say.

"Baek, do you remember Kyungsoo?" Chanyeol asked. And he tried searching to his memory who was that. 

Kyungsoo, the annoying boy in the music guild with angel like voice.

He nodded. Then, Chanyeol said, "We'll getting married this coming April, he proposed to me. Baek, you have to promise me you'd be my best man. You have to be there."

Yes. He had to be there, so he could see the consequences of his actions, so he could see the result of his cowardness. See how being afraid ruined his life more than love could do.

"That's great, I'll be there," he said, swallowing back his cry. Chanyeol looked happy, too happy indeed, eyes shining for no reason, and it pained him, because there was once upon a time when those eyes were fixated on his. When those eyes were his.

As he finished his coffee, he stood up, that day was Chanyeol's wedding, and just like he had promised, he was the best man.

With heavy steps, he began to put on his tuxedo, flashing his smile.

**

The wedding was simple, yet romantic. He met Kyungsoo personally months ago, and boy, how he realized he's more annoying than all the stories being passed when they were in the university. And he couldn't help hating him for taking Chanyeol away from him. He had to remind himself Chanyeol's not his. He had taken him for granted. 

The wedding march began, although for him, it sounded like a death march. He stood beside Chanyeol, waiting for Kyungsoo as he walked slowly. When they faced the priest that would administer the wedding, he asked some questions before conducting the wedding.

He sat on his designated seat, nodding as Chanyeol smiled at him, then for a moment, just a moment, he saw a flicker of sadness on those eyes. He grinned, resolve on his mind. The priest cleared his throat, asking, "Whoever want this wedding not to take place, speak now or forever hold your peace,"

There was a profound silence and Chanyeol glanced at him. The afraid Byun Baekhyun's gone, the coward Byun Baekhyun's long dead. And he finally realized how much, just how much he had loved Chanyeol when he began loving someone else. And he knew the truth now, everyone's going hurt you, you just got to find someone worth suffering for, and Chanyeol's worth it. 

With trembling hands, he took a deep breath, thinking the next thing he'll do, would definitely the best choice he would ever made. And after that, he'll say the words he had withheld for too many years.

As the silence stretched, he stood up after that question. All looks were in him now, but he was only looking at Chanyeol. And slowly, ever slowly, Chanyeol smiled.