A man looked up at the night sky and a scoff came out from his mouth. The crying cloud forced him to stand under the roof and so were the other ten people around him. He was cold, but then he remember one more important thing: the rain would make the bouquet of flower he hold wet and he didn’t want that to happen. He brushed off the drops of rain from his brunette locks and scoffed again. If he didn’t leave me, he will protect me from the falling rain.

He hated rain because it reminded him of someone who always stood near a window to hear the sounds of the water drops hit the roof. Sometimes, that person also made a silly competition with him: they would pick a drop of water and then made a competition out of it –the fastest droplet fell would be the winner.

Silly, the brunette man thought.

 

I hate you, Silly.

 

Afraid that the bouquet would become rather unattractive, he hid it behind his suit. Then he fished out his phone from his pocket and read the time.

 

19.30

 

He was almost late to do his ritual and he couldn’t take that. He cursed at himself for not bringing an umbrella with him because he was confident that there wouldn’t rain in the evening. Before going to work, he thought that he had spare umbrella on his desk and moreover, he left his apartment without checking the latest weather forecast. It turned out that he had lent the spare umbrella to his friend when he came to his office.

The anxiety made him observed his surrounding, looking for a store that sold an umbrella for him to go through the rain. Fortunately he could find one just right at the corner of the street and he ran to the store, not caring about the drops of water that attacked him here and there.

 

 

He stood in front of the store while looking at the night sky again. It didn’t show any sign that the rain would stop soon. He put the bouquet between his thighs and hold his umbrella without opening it yet because he was wondering whether he should do his ritual that he had been doing for ten months or just stop right there and moved on with his life.

“Hey, may I help you with the umbrella?”

A voice of a woman startled him. Her voice was so soft and her thin lips arched up at him, making him doing the same.

“No, I am fine. Thank you,” he said.

“Oh, okay then. I thought that the store was selling broke umbrellas because last month I bought it here and it broke before I use it. I could get a replacement, though.”

Upon hearing the woman, he tried to open his umbrella, and it opened. “Apparently I don’t have to get a replacement,” he said.

“Good then,” the woman bowed slightly at him and he did the same. Then the woman walked away, leaving him alone in front of the store.

*

 

The first time he went to that restaurant was when he was going home and feeling somewhat adventurous. Although his office was near the restaurant, he never went there because it was located at the opposite of his way home. He didn’t have anything on his refrigerator and he was sick of ramen house that he went almost every week. At a time like that, he really missed his father’s cooking, but he promised himself that he could do better than missing someone who kicked his own baby out from the house just because he was different.

His parent divorced when he was very young. His father told him that his mother left even before he had his Doljanchi –his first birthday- and married another man. He grew up without the love of a woman since his grandmother also passed away and he had no aunt since his father was the only child. Growing up surrounded by men, made him thinking nothing about women.

That was when his father snapped when he found out. He even brought his child to a shaman, hoping that he was possessed and whatever ghost inside him, would come out and his child went normal again.

But it would never happen.

Instead of accepting it, his father acted crazier than ever, seeing him like he was a disgusting thing, even blaming him for being born in his drunk state. At first, he could stand all the pain, but then when it was too much, he decided to go to start a new life.

He worked day and night just to get himself in a university, because he knew that without a certain degree, his life wouldn’t go anywhere. He also studied hard, without thinking anything else, except one or two one night stands he had when he was stressed.

Without him realizing it himself, he was growing to become a fine man: he got his degree and he was accepted to work in Japan –a plus point for him. He sent his father his graduation photo, just to tell him that he could do fine and it had nothing to do with his ual preference. But his ego went too high as he could prove that he could do well. He went wild in Japan, playing here and there.

Until that day his feet brought him to the restaurant.

*

 

“Haaaa—i! Welcome to the restaurant!”

Daesung was greeted by someone after he shook his umbrella and put it outside the entrance. A familiar curry scent creeped up his nose and it made him drooling. He entered the restaurant and smiled at the person in front of the cash register.

“Oh, you again?”

Daesung bowed slightly to the man who changed his language to Korean just to speak to him. Kwon Jiyong, he giggled. It was strange to have a Korean having a Japanese curry restaurant, Daesung thought. But then he was thankful that he could meet another Korean in the middle of Japanese. He was tired of speaking Japanese and hearing plus speaking Korean with the owner of the restaurant made him slightly happy. Not to mention the owner had been a person who he thought as his own family.

 

“Hyung,” Daesung called the owner.

“I’m happier when you don’t come to here, Daesung-ah,” the older man sighed.

“I am a customer here, so you have to serve me,”

“The hell with serving you,”

“I bring money with me,” Daesung put his wallet on Jiyong’s hand, “Go get me the usual, Hyung. You don’t want to make me sad, right?”

“You don’t have to come at a particular time and date, Daesung-ah,”

 

The younger man flailed his hand at Jiyong and the older just scoffed, while making his way to the kitchen. He took his usual seat and placed the bouquet on his lap. His head slightly hurt because he didn’t get enough sleep. Despite trying so hard to sleep and even took sleeping pills, it seemed that his body was against him. For the worse, he almost ate nothing since morning; the curry would be his first meal.

Because he was a special customer, the owner specially served the meal for him. With a graceful movement, he set the meal on the table for Daesung: Curry rice, Korean barley tea and a scoop of vanilla ice cream. The brunette looked at the curry rice and he felt a pang on his heart.

The man who left him also served the curry like the one Jiyong served for him.

The curry wasn’t on top of the rice, but instead the curry would be poured around the rice and there was not fukujinzuke as the garnish, because Daesung didn’t like that. He took a glance at the other customers and saw their happy faces. Yeah, whoever eat the curry supposed to be happy like them.

Curry, tea and vanilla ice cream. It’s all his favorite, Daesung said inwardly.

After paying attention to the meal, Daesung found out that Jiyong was hugging a tray and sit in front of him. His face showed a pity and Daesung didn’t like that even a bit. But he didn’t have energy to confront the older, so he just took a deep breath while hiding his feeling.

“Hyung, you shouldn’t sit here,” he smiled weakly at Jiyong. “It’s time.”

“You should stop doing this, Dongsaeng-ah,” the older man stood up and patted his shoulder. “It’s been almost a year.”

“Apparently a year is not enough to heal myself,” Daesung hold the glass of barley tea and stared blankly at it. His mind swirling at the thought of stopping doing his monthly ritual. He didn’t want to erase the memories but it was exhausting for him.

“You must forgive yourself.”

“Forgive my ,” he laughed bitterly.

 

Jiyong made circles on Daesung’s back before bringing the tray with him and put it on the kitchen. Daesung took a look at his menu. It was always the same menu, but it would never be the same again without two people on his front. He smiled bitterly at his own thought.

 

Why are you doing this, Daesung-ah?

 

Daesung got a sudden chill on his neck upon imagining someone called his name. He gritted his teeth and took a glance to the kitchen without turning his head.

 

He’s usually there, looking at me.

 

But then he couldn’t find a shadow he was familiar with.

 

Daesung felt a vibration on his trousers and he closed his eyes while patting a locket inside his shirt. He wanted to cry. He wanted to blame himself.

If only I didn’t come to the restaurant late.

 

He shoved down the curry in hurry because he just wanted to drink the soju. He wanted to forget his mistakes that had the love of his life taken away from him. But every time he tried to forget, the memories kept coming back. How could he forget when every corner, every place he went, every little things he saw, reminded him to Seunghyun and their little angel?

Daesung finished his curry and flicked away the bottle cap with one thumb. He realized that Seunghyun didn’t want him to drink a lot, but he didn’t know the other way to spend the sixteenth day of every month alone.

He forgot the feeling of being alone since he met Seunghyun.

Their hearts were so empty that it matched each other so well. They filled the gap of each other’s heart and Daesung forever grateful he could meet Seunghyun, but at the same time the mischievous sprite whispered the word regret to his head.

 

Because if he didn’t meet Seunghyun, he wouldn’t have to experience the feeling of sad bereavement.

 

But maybe the sadness he felt was just the proof that he had a good time with Seunghyun.

 

Daesung drank the soju in big gulps, but then he slowly lost his consciousness. He was about to put the soju bottle on the table, but his hand couldn’t comply with him. Instead of putting it on the table, he dropped the bottle and it made a loud sound. Daesung wanted to clean the mess, but he could only put his head on the table, hoping that someone would help him.

Helping him to meet his Seunghyun.

The tears were b on his eyes, ready to fall down, but he didn’t have any energy left to cry. He had promised Jiyong and Youngbae not to cry again and that was the only way Jiyong and Youngbae let him to come to the restaurant. Daesung knew that he was a fool, but he didn’t know how to stop being a fool.

“Fool, you’re a fool. I’m a fool to believe you,” Daesung mumbled.

Then he felt a sudden cold breeze delivering a sweet scent of rose to his nose. Daesung’s breath hitched and he suddenly sat straight.

“Do-n’t go…”

It was meant for the scent of rose that he just inhaled, but then his eyes caught a familiar presence of someone. At first, he was surprised and decided to blink a few times, to make sure that the presence he was longing at didn’t disappear. He wanted to smile, but he also wanted to smirk, because finally he could meet that person who was always standing in the kitchen.

He took a glance at his Jiyong hyung. ‘He’s here, Hyung,’ that was Daesung wanted to tell Jiyong. But he had to make sure that it was Seunghyun who sat in front of him. Seunghyun liked roses, so he gave the bouquet he was holding to the Seunghyun. But to Daesung disappointment, the man just stared at him and Daesung decided to put it in front of him.

So he wanted to play? Daesung thought. His Seunghyun loved to play roles. He would act that he didn’t know Daesung and Daesung had to play along every time. At first, Daesung found it was strange, but then it always reminded Daesung on how they became close.

 

“Do you also li—hick-ke roses?” Because his Seunghyun loved roses.

Daesung saw the man in front of him raised his eyebrows. Oww… Nice acting.

“What is your name?” he asked Daesung.

Daesung giggled at the question. Seunghyun never ran out of ideas and it wasn’t the first time Daesung was asked his name.

“I am Daesung. You’re hand -hick- some,” Daesung tilted his head cutely, because he was impatient if Seunghyun wanted to play. He missed Seunghyun so much that he just want to hug him. And in order to do that, Seunghyun must be his. He giggled again and said, “Do you want –hick- to be my boy –hick- friend?”

“But you don’t know my name yet.”

“Tell me.”

“Seunghyun.”

“SEUNGHYUN!” Daesung shouted. His body was suddenly filled by excitement because he got to have conversation with Seunghyun. He wanted to say that Seunghyun was here with him to Jiyong, that it was not his imagination.

“Would you please calm down?”

“You have to be –hick- my boyfriend. Because you have accepted the –hick- flower.”

“How come?”

“Because by –hick- accepting the flower, you also accepted the –hick- my love!”

Seunghyun laughed at the hiccups and the silly reason and Daesung didn’t like that. It was Seunghyun’s line when he asked Daesung out. He puffed his cheeks in annoyance and Seunghyun laughed even louder. But then Daesung realized that there was no way Seunghyun’s laughter was so real.

There was no way Seunghyun came to meet him and there was no way Seunghyun was here with him. His heart squeezed, he wanted to hit Seunghyun and he wanted to cry loudly. But he just couldn’t decide what to express. He looked at the man in front of him. With a stern voice, he said, “Meanie! I hate you, Seunghyun.”

Daesung looked at Seunghyun with sad eyes before he passed out.

**

 

August 16th, 6 years ago.

 

“Hey there, Handsome Man!” Seunghyun greeted Daesung with his bright smile and dimples showing. His white hair stood out from the crowd and it made the people stared at him. Daesung smiled back. He was waiting for the man to show with the rose and the curry with a pounding heart and he felt tickles all over his body when he the man came towards his table.

“Table seven, lucky number seven,” Seunghyun set the curry, barley tea and the rose on the table. “Please enjoy, Handsome,” Seunghyun winked at Daesung and upon seeing the wink, his heart skipped a beat. He hit the chef of the curry restaurant playfully.

“Wasn’t Jiyong Hyung angry at you, Hyung? You steal his barley tea every time I go here,”

“It’s my share. You can have it,” the older beamed a smile.

“How about you?”

“I’m fine!” Seunghyun smiled.

Daesung also smiled, but the corner of his eyes caught a man who was crossing his hands on his chest. “Hyung, Jiyong Hyung is mad, I think. Hurry back to the kitchen.”

“But please stay here until the restaurant closed, okay? I have something for you.”

Daesung just wanted to dance because he was so happy but he had to stay composed because he didn’t want to bother Seunghyun anymore. It was a special thing that he could have the chef himself to serve his meal. Moreover, he was interested at the chef, the white haired chef that stole his heart. Two months of playing push and pull had shown its perks and it was life changing experience for Daesung. He stopped playing here and there and focused his energy to attract Seunghyun.

What is the probability of meeting a Korean man who has the same ual orientation as him, who works as a chef, in a Japanese curry restaurant and is handsome as ?

The brunette man giggled when he thought about his luck. Well, he expected something from the older man when he said that Daesung had to stay. The truth was, Daesung knew what would happen but he kept his fingers crossed and his expectation low. But Seunghyun was so promising and his confidence raised when the owner of the restaurant, Kwon Jiyong, spilled something about Seunghyun’s plan.

 

Seunghyun was going to ask him out.

 

Everyone who looked at him when he was eating the curry might think that something had possessed Daesung, because he couldn’t stop grinning while shoving the curry down to his throat. Even Taka, the new employer at the restaurant, had to ask whether Daesung was sick or something because he smiled with carrot and potato on his teeth.

 

 

It was almost the closing time and no one but Daesung stayed at the restaurant. Daesung’s heart was racing uncontrollably. Heck, he couldn’t control the beating anyway, but he felt that his heart was on his throat. He had to close his eyes chant mantras to calm himself down.

Then he smelt scent of rose came from his behind. He inhaled the calming scent and smiled –it was definitely Seunghyun’s scent. But why was the scent stronger? He opened his eyes and found out Seunghyun was bringing a huge rose bouquet with him. White, pink, red, yellow; he had all the colors of rose in one bouquet. The older gave the bouquet to him and Daesung gladly took it.

“You have to be my boyfriend now,” Seunghyun let out a cocky smile.

“Why?”

“Because you took the flowers!” He laughed. “You know, I gave you a rose almost every day, even I had it sent to your office. The rose represents my heart. For this three months, I give my heart little by little. Then that big bouquet on your hands is my whole heart. So, Kang Daesung, what is your answer?”

Daesung blushed and the younger was sure his face was as red as the red roses on his hands. He covered his face with the bouquet but leaving his small eyes visible for Seunghyun to see. Seunghyun gave Daesung his best smile while waiting for the younger to answer.

“Well, Kang Daesung? I’m waiting,”

The younger shyly put down the bouquet and took two steps forward to close the gap between him and Seunghyun. He tiptoed and kissed Seunghyun’s cheek. “I hope you understand the answer,” the younger said while hugging the bouquet.

Seunghyun grinned, but soon a falling crescent was shown on his face and crossed his hands on his chest. “No, I don’t understand it,” he pretended to get mad at the younger.

“So?”

“You have to say it!”

“Aish! I answered it tho! Action is louder than words!” Daesung hit Seunghyun’s arm lightly.

“Then give me bigger action!”

The younger only tilted his head in confusion. Seeing the younger didn’t get the meaning, he tapped his own lips with his fore finger and puckered it while closing his eyes. Daesung blushed even more at the thought of kissing Seunghyun.

“Hurry, hurry!” Seunghyun said. “Boss only gave me fifteen minutes because I was sure that I will get a yes from you.”

Seunghyun took a peek with his right eye, to see whether Daesung would kiss him or not. But when Daesung got closer to him, he immediately grabbed the back of Daesung’s neck with one hand and the other supported the younger by grabbing his hips. Daesung was surprised, but the gentle lips movement from the chef eventually made him relax and made him put his hands around Seunghyun’s neck. He breathed Seunghyun’s scent and the kiss was getting hotter.

Feeling that his legs couldn’t support his weight because the kiss was so intense, Daesung pushed Seunghyun. He didn’t realized that the bouquet was long dropped on the floor. Seunghyun still had his hands locked behind Daesung and his eyes sparkled when he looked at Daesung.

Daesung melted.

He moved fast to smack his lips on Seunghyun’s and the kiss was even hotter than before. Seunghyun’s hands dangerously moved to grab the shorter man’s perky bottom and Daesung moaned against Seunghyun’s mouth.

 

 

“YAYAYAYAYAYAYA! BEHAVE! GET A ROOM YOU TWO! TAKA IS UNDERAGE YOU KNOW!”

A high pitched voice was heard and then they each got a smack on their heads. Daesung grinned at his Jiyong Hyung. But upon seeing the ladle, his anger arose.

“AII HYOOOOONG! It’s a ladle for cooking, right?”

“No, Daesung Honey. This is a special ladle to smack you and Seunghyun’s Hyung head if I see both of you making out again in my restaurant!”

“You’re just jealous! I told you to ask Youngbae but you didn’t hear me,” Seunghyun pulled Daesung to his embrace.

“I will snatch Daesung from you, Hyung,” Scoffed came out from Jiyong’s mouth. Turning his head, he looked at Daesung. “Dae Honey, I have money. Come on, come to Papa Jiyong, huh? Leave this poor bastard and Papa will tell you the secret recipe of Dragon Curry.”

“Keep the recipe for yourself, Hyung. I am rich now because I have Sweetie Seunghyun with me now,” Daesung giggled while looking at Seunghyun.

“I am full every time I see you, Dae Baby…” Seunghyun winked at Daesung.

“What a bunch of sick people!” Jiyong screamed and left them alone.

***

 

Daesung steps were heavy. He wanted to curse at the usual florist who usually provided him a bouquet of rose because it was closed and Daesung could only take a free rose they put in front of the shop as their apology. He dragged his feet to the restaurant and Jiyong greeted him.

“Daesung?”

“Who else?” The brunette man scoffed. “Hyung, like I told you in the text, he was here.”

“Stop making my restaurant a haunted place, Daesung-ah. I have talismans placed at every corner of my restaurant now,” Jiyong crossed his hands on his chest, eyebrows narrowed and eyes on fire when he heard Daesung said such a thing.

“But I talked to him last month!”

“Oh God!” Jiyong rolled his eyes. “You are suffering because of that expired memories of him, Daesung-ah! Get a life!”

“Then who took my rose, Hyung?”

“TAKA-CHAN!” Jiyong finally snapped. It was true that Taka took the bouquet, though.  “Whatever, Daesung. Just sit and I will make it to you,” The older man went to the kitchen and Daesung walked towards his usual table, slightly upset with Jiyong’s tone.

He rubbed his face harshly, not knowing what happened with him because his Seunghyun was there, he was sure about that. He remembered that his lover took the bouquet of his favorite flower: rose.

Or not?

 

Then he tried to put the pieces of his memory together.

 

I only put the bouquet on the table. He didn’t take the bouquet.

 

 

Jiyong came to his table and set the meal without saying anything. Daesung snickered. Who wouldn’t be terrified when someone said that there was a ghost or spirit or whatever deities in his restaurant? It would scare the customer too and Daesung wanted to apologize to his Jiyong Hyung. But who else he could share the story?

His eyes caught the vanilla ice cream with sprinkles on the top of it and stabbed it with the small spoon. It’s like Seunghyunnie’s hair now, and like your hair when I met you for the first time, right Seunghyun Hyung? Daesung felt a prick in his heart, a small pain but it slowly spread all over his body. He the spoon and then rested his head in his palm, messaging the temple to ease his spinning head.

“Mina-ya…” Daesung said almost quiet.

The ice cream also reminded him to his little angel and the sound of her laughter when she the spoon clean. If only they were here with Daesung, Seunghyun and Mina would compete for the one and only scoop of vanilla ice cream with the touch of sprinkles Seunghyun had stored for Mina only. It was a treat for Mina so she would finish the curry rice.

“Mina-ya… Hyung… I miss you all…” he mumbled and slowly his tears falling down. The last month’s memories were so real that he was confused whether it was his imagination or Seunghyun really was there to console him. The tears seemed to have no ending, but he had to do his ritual. So, he lifted up his head and took out a special handkerchief from his pocket.

Daesung wipe