I don’t want to die. No matter how hard I look into myself, I only find tears. Where I end up, I don’t know by I am not dying alone. I don’t want to die. So you’re going to have to for me. It started as words, but they soon turned to blood. I keep asking over and over whether I can be saved by confession. As the words pour, the blood seeps through. No matter how much I washed it off, it stains me. It's not alright, I know it is wrong, I couldn't let you live because I didn't want to die. So listen to me cry, all because I didn’t want to die.

Something is wrong with me. No matter how close I stray to right, I am never far from wrong. Despite all this, despite all the self-doubt, I was looked to as a leader. Having run, I found five others like me, all running from a different past. We found friendship in each other’s faults, and that kept us closer than family. As they say, the blood of the Covent is thicker than the womb. But it was my duty to provide and protect. I had to keep us safe, I had to keep money in our pockets. Somewhere along the line I quit on being nice, of keeping my name clean. Pain changed me, running away hardened my thin skin. As you grow older, you finally start to understand why people do the things they do. Why they destroy themselves, hiding behind the smoke and drink before their demons push them off that ledge. Yet I was bent on keep the five with me safe. I had to drag them back. And that required quick money.

The six of us became drug dealers. Claiming our own turf, we kept it through wise words and brute strength. Hoseok, Jimin, Jungkook, Seokjin, Yoongi and I had a reputation and a name. Bangtang. Although I hated the thought, I knew I hadn’t corrupted anyone of them. We were all already broken. I had to provide and protect. And with the weight of their worlds on my shoulders, I was tired. I am always tired. Even after hours of sleep, I feel like surviving is draining me. No matter how long my eyes stay closed, staying awake always grows harder. But I had to push that all aside and keep my friends safe. That was all I needed to do yet still I failed.

Seokjin had come to me with such happiness glistening in his eyes. He came to me to talk about his great sale, the money he had pulled from rich men. How he raised the price of the drugs and they still bought it. Everything was good, great even, until he reached into his pocket. I watched, my own heart breaking, as his face contorted into disbelief and sadness. The money was gone. The money he had sworn was there.

He had been struck by the lowest of the low. A pickpocket, the scum of scum. Someone who thrives on actively stealing another’s possessions in public. Rage had seethed under my skin, and I swore to myself I would track this thief down. So that lead me to this point, walking the deserted back alleys without another soul in sight. Sometimes I do things I shouldn’t, but avenging Jin’s dignity was something I needed to do. The sun wasn’t low enough to coax the corrupt and erted out, it wasn’t high enough to warrant a walk. It was at the awkward place when people preferred to shun it and stay inside.

Stuffing my hands into my hoodie pocket, I rolled the lollipop in my mouth, assessing the alley Jin had done the deal in. Swearing, I kicked a trash can in frustration. Of course nothing would be here. Why would the pickpocket strike when the deal took place? Even so, I would find nothing to show me what happened. A slight of hand would not be etched into the stone of melancholy holding those who wanted more prisoner. Not too long ago I wanted something, but the past was not needed now. The past is the baggage people carry around for show. I was wasting time. Our turf was large, too large for me to find one piece of filth. Yoongi would know what to do. He was the observant one.

So I walked towards the town center. As I walked, the sun finally sunk low and the corrupt youths slunk out. As much as I wanted to save them, I couldn’t. Even if I pulled them from this life, they were beyond repair. Although they moved, their eyes were cold and lifeless. Nothing could save them. And besides, I had to look after the five who followed me. Struggling with my own wellbeing, I couldn’t take on another. No matter how much it tore me apart, I couldn’t stop. I know what happens in the shadows, I was there for a few months before I wandered into Yoongi. No matter the town, the vile deeds in back alleys where always the same.

Walking with a purpose, I tore my eyes from the deprivation surrounding me. Drifting was what I was best at anyway. Gripping tight to the innocent child trapped inside me, I kept moving. To keep from turning and rescuing the jaded kids, I reminded myself of Seokjin’s face as he realised what he had earnt had gone missing. I couldn’t save everyone, but I could save the five I found. I saved them just as much as they saved me.

Before I could ponder father, I had broken into a populated area and the buzz of life grounded me. The town center shouldn’t be far, Yoongi shouldn’t be far. Despite the fading light, people still swarmed. Tonight a big case was to be resolved, the verdict of an important trial for the cities upper-class citizens. I honestly couldn’t care less, but business did. Finding Yoongi, I smiled before biting down on the empty lollipop stick. He tilted his head in getting before looking straight ahead, a slight smirk gracing his features, a slight light began to shine in his eyes, sparking my own curiosity. Following his line of sight, Yoongi sighed when I didn’t find what had amused him.

“That guy in the suit over there has to sit through the trial soaked because that kid,” he moved his chin to point at a boy in an oversized red jumper and faded blue cap, “spilt his drink on him. I bet ten dollars the kid did it on purpose. Little er smiled.”

I fought the faint smiled from my own face and leant against the wall beside him. “Is that all?”

“Of course. You woke me for this lame arse . By this point, anything is funny.” He growled and I smiled broadly.

Yoongi had the shortest fuse in the group, the main one who contributed to our violent reputation. But it wasn’t his strength I admired, it was his observation skills. He could pick out a lie, find the slightest twitch. Yoongi was the closest to me out of the entire group. He kept me sane.

For some reason my eyes were drawn back to the boy in red. I couldn’t see his face from this distance, but I could see the way he slouched on the railing on the opposite side of the city center. The way his jumper didn’t quite fit, how his jeans were an indiscernible hue. An awkward grace flowed with his movements, drawing me in. Watching as he pulled a faded wallet from his pocket, I still couldn’t look away. Why couldn’t I look away?

Glancing at Yoongi, his eyes were trained on the court room doors, waiting. Giving my full attention to the boy in red, I saw him laughing at his own cards. Kid needs friends. Rolling the used stick around my mouth, I knew I was trying to compensate for something. The lack of cigarettes. At such a young age I was already hooked and trying to quit. I was like all the adults I had ever met. Hiding behind the feeling something material gave. Hiding behind the smoke that would tear my lungs apart and leave me breathless.

Leaning back, I closed my eyes. This trial was on the corruption within the mayor’s office. I needed to know the verdict to see how he was kiss arse. What he would change for ‘the people’. It was necessary that I kept up with such things.

Suddenly shouts resounded from within, startling both Yoongi and I. Snapping my eyes wide open, I watched the suited man running fruitlessly from the security guards. Edging forward, I wanted to know why.

The man’s screaming gave me a clue.

“They are not mine! Some-someone must have planted them! I do not use drugs!”

I would have taken this as a lie had I not looked up and caught the boy in red grinning, hands caught in his own jumper. That…he knew something. He knows how drugs got onto the man.

Spitting the plastic from my mouth, the boy looked at me. From this distance I could see how dark his eyes were, yet the corners of his mouth turned up in a self-satisfied sneer. Rushing forward, I was instantly caught in the crowd, swallowed by the mass of bodies eager to understand the commotion. Everyone wanted to know what was happening, everyone wanted a new scandal to gossip about. No one seemed to care about my presence, my desperation to pass. Losing sight of the boy, I eventually passed through, stumbling to the place he had stood.

Looking around frantically, Yoongi caught up, that lazy smirk still gracing his face.

“Never thought you would be the stalker type.” He claimed, jamming his hands into his jeans pockets.

Rolling my eyes, I kicked the ground in frustration. A strange noise responded. Looking down, a pit formed in my stomach. Little plastic cards littered the ground.

Crouching, I picked up one and swore heavily.

“What?” Yoongi asked and I frowned.

“Ten dollars that the kid in red planted the drugs.” I mumbled and Yoongi lost his smirk.

“The kid pickpocketed the guy?” His voice rose slightly, his muscles tensing. “I didn’t notice.”

I nodded with his nerves, straightening to a standing position. Then Yoongi had to ask one more question.

“Where did he get that cheap enough to waste as a plant?”

“!” I shouted, frantically searching for something to hit.

“What?”

“That kid is the one who pickpocketed Jin this morning.” I confessed and Yoongi lost all the ease in his stance.

We stood in silence before Yoongi smiled.

“I am going to find him. That kid is mine.” He said, yawning straight after, rendering his words less threatening.

I too wanted to meet this kid. If he could get past Yoongi’s eyes, what else could he get past? That thought left me giddy with excitement. Gripping the railing, I couldn’t fight the smile from my face. What kind of person was he? Was he stealing to live, or stealing to thrive? If it was either of those two, he would have sold my produce on, yet he planted it purely to watch someone world burn. He had to stand close by and watch his desperation put on show for the public.

It was my duty to provide and protect, so if this boy doesn’t help me, I will crush him for hurting Jin. People without an agenda, a motive, were dangerous. Unstable. It would be best if I captured this boy and forced him under my wing. The drug industry was growing stagnate, the kid in red was the push the underworld needed. All I needed was the kid first. I needed him before this town broke him.