The scent of the flowers lingered on his nose, the murmurs of the people he passed by resonates on his head like a never-ending echo. A cold breeze dampened his body as he took trembling steps to his destination.

Hankyung wanted to close his eyes but he couldn’t move it for even just a blink. Though he could identify who’s who from his peripheral view, his eyes were focused to that one picture gazing at him with the usual cheery expression he has always loved. In the middle of the agonizing spotlights and weeping flowers in white, it was situated - in solitude and in obvious pain.

His thoughts were clouded by so many what-ifs. ‘What if he stayed? What if he never left? What if he said goodbye?’ Those were the questions he knew were etched on the mind of this one friend who have fought valiantly for him - a friend who loved him, a friend he let down.

As he came closer to the altar, a man stood and blocked his way. Their eyyet met. While Hankyung’s were blank and confused, the man’s were full of sorrow and swollen with tears freely falling. There was an overwhelming anger and despise on his sharp stares. Taken aback, Hankyung stopped. 

‘Donghae, please.’ He said.

But Donghae didn’t move even the slightest bit. Everybody in the hall were intently watching the unlikely reunion of these two men who were once brothers. Tears already falling, Hankyung reached for Donghae’s hand as a plea to allow him to pay his last respect to the person he owed half of his whole life to.

But to everybody’s surprise, Donghae shook off Hankyung’s grasp, and with one scary tone, he said,

‘I cannot forgive the person who killed my hyung.’

There were murmurs and the other members were now trying to calm the situation, even though everybody in that hall knew that nothing could stop the rage of the younger one.

‘Hyung? Why? Are you defending him after what he had done?’ Donghae snarled at his hyungs who were desperately keeping him from attacking the visitor.

Hankyung, engulfed with shame and despair, took a deep breath to stop the tears from falling. The pain in his heart was already unbearable that he decided to break his silence and explain himself. But before he could open his mouth to speak, Donghae interrupted.

‘Of all the people, hyung! Of all the people! Why must it be you who should betray him? Why do you have to leave!?’

Donghae fell down on his knees as the tears of Hankyung fell uncontrollably. The latter did not know what to say; if there is, he had no idea how to say it. He was completely muffled by the words of the younger one. He was bleeding due to the slashes of the sharp reality that he denied for how many years. It was his fault, and he knew nothing could be done to be forgiven.

It has been years ago since he left without notice, and it has been years ago since the one whose ashes are right in front of them started suffering. The smiles didn’t really cover up for the pain he had caused his friend. And yes, it was all his fault. If only he sacrificed more… If only he endured the pain a little longer…

If only he could turn back time, he would.

Keeping the poise, he slowly bowed and turned his back on the urn of his bestfriend. There was a sense of reluctance but he knew that it isn’t the right time to insist his apologies. Everybody’s hurting and he’s the only one to blame. 

As he step out of the hall, he glanced at Donghae who was still weeping in the floor - completely helpless - while being comforted by the others. Hankyung wanted to run back and hug him; but in the end, all he managed to do a 90-degree at the mouth of the funeral hall.

He straightened himself after a few minutes, and before he turn his back to leave, he mustered all the courage, and shouted,

‘I’m sorry.’