Arms wrapped securely around donghae’s neck, hyukjae pulled the other to deepen the kiss. His heart is heavily beating; screaming his feelings out, Reaching for donghae’s to be heard. Feeling the height of insecurity inside him, the doubt and the anger he has inside he pokes his tongue out reaching for donghae’s which the younger freely gave out. But it was not enough, the pressure, the bites, the that hyukjae is giving were not enough to make donghae feel, to level the emotion that hyukjae have for donghae and it hurts hyukjae more than anything.

Donghae is an angel, literally an angel. He was a guardian angel, hyukjae’s guardian angel to be exact and the fact hurts them both, but it hurt hyukjae the most. Why? Because donghae could never love him, it’s against the rules of heaven.

Pulling away to get some air, hyukjae stared at donghae. The other was staring back at him with eyes cold and emotionless.

“donghae.” hyukjae whispered his eyes glassy and near tears. He reached out his hands to tangle with donghae’s
soft locks. “I love you, I love you so much.”

“what?”

“I said I love you.” he repeated leaning in for a kiss to seal his confession but donghae stopped him, donghae pushed him away. he looked at donghae’s eyes looking for any explanation but donghae’s eyes were blank.

“wait. There’s something wrong.” Donghae said, standing and looking outside the window.

“what? Enemies? Are they back?” hyukjae ask worried but most of all hurt. Donghae is doing it again, avoiding him, changing the topics, escaping hyukjae.

“nothing, go to sleep. It’s late and you must be tired.” Donghae said pushing hyukjae to lay down the bed.

you must be tired coz I am, im very tired. Hyukjae’s heart sunk.

And it’s always like that. Every time hyukjae would speak of those three ing words donghae would start to be
uneasy, he would be do his best to avoid answering, hyukjae knows the answer though. Hyukjae knows donghae
loves him, he loves him so much but why can’t donghae say it to him? Because he was angel? Because it’s against
the rules? Then why did donghae have to stay beside him, why did donghae choose to be visible in hyukjae’s eyes when in the very first place they can’t be together, when in the very first place he would just deny that he feels the same towards hyukjae.

So many questions, so many insecurities, donghae is not good for hyukaje’s well-being. Donghae is making hyukjae crazy, making him lose his self esteem. Donghae is destruction.

000000

A day after the incident, donghae didn’t show himself to hyukjae. He’s avoiding me…again. hyukjae was pretty sure of it.

Hyukjae was deep in his thoughts when ryeowook came to him, with a smug smile plastered in his face, and it means no good. Ryeowook is an angel turned human (only the good, most kind-hearted angel were given the prize of being a human) despite the pretty face and his white invisible wings, he’s a .

He hums “hyung, do you know why is donghae hyung staying at my house again?” he ask with a teasing voice.

“I don’t know.” So he’s at ryeowook’s. of all places why it has to be at ryeowook’s he knows how much I hate the guy. he
knows how much I worry about him when he’s with ryeowook. It’s not that I don’t trust him; it’s ryeowook I can’t trust.
Hyukjae was deep in his thoughts. And it made ryeowook’s smile wider.

“did you two fight again?”

Hyukjae was pulled from his reverie, “donghae and I never-“

“never what hyukjae hyung? Don’t tell me you never fight coz with the looks of it he was pretty upset last night.” Ryeowook lied; angels are not allowed to lie. But ryeowook’s different. He was so ing different that hyukjae can’t
understand why ryeowook is allowed of everything just like a human. He’s allowed to fall in love; he’s allowed to lie,
to… to ruin hyukjae’s life.

Hyukjae stood up and walk away of ryeowook, “hyung!” ryeowook called out but hyukjae ignored him.

00000

“why’d you say that to him?” donghae hissed at ryeowook.

“so he would appreciate what you’re doing.”

“no! you’re ruining everything between us ryeowook, you’re not helping at all. You’re hurting him!” donghae shouted,
irritated at the fact that ryeowook told hyukjae that he’s at ryeowook’s place. And for telling hyukjae that he was upset which is absolutely not, ok, yes maybe a little upset but not to hyukjae but to himself coz he can’t tell hyukjae that he loves him, he loves him so much.

“im not hyung! Im just helping you both! And don’t you shout at me as if I don’t know what you’re facing right now, I … I know what you’re feeling coz I felt it once. “ ryeowook bowed remembering the pain he had during the transformation.

“im sorry.” Donghae said.

“im just helping you and hyukjae, I don’t want you to two to end up like me. wasting my transformation for someone who can’t trust me, someone who can’t even wait until my transformation is done. I wasted the pain.” Ryeowook said,
eyes teary from all the memories of the past.

Donghae felt guilty, he hugged ryeowook unconscious of someone’s eyes observing them, eyes that are pure, and
glassy with tears.

00000

A week of not seeing donghae.

Hyukjae is breathing, panting, breathing, catching air… he’s dying, crying, shedding tears until his body dries out.
Hyukjae, he’s wasted.

At his feet were bottles of beer he never thought he would drink, bottles of wine he never thought would make him feel better, bottles of liquor that tasted more bitter than what he’s feeling right now.

Then there’s a knock he choose to ignore. Then there’s another, more persistent banging on his door. He stood up, legs wobbly, and his head spinning. He opens the door not bothering asking who the person is. He opens the door but once seeing the one behind he closed it, slam it against his visitor’s face.

“open the door, we need to talk.” He hears donghae said.

And he opened the door. “really?”

“yes, aren’t you going to let me in?”

“what are we going to talk about? About you staying at ryeowook’s?” hyukjae said stepping out not letting donghae in.

“you sounded so jealous.” Donghae said with a teasing voice, but hyukjae is not amused. Not even pleased.

“do I have something to be jealous about?”

“nothing and hyukjae are you drunk?” donghae said changing the topic.

“I am, so what? Does it make a difference?”

“let’s get in, you’re drunk.”

“no, I get in, you leave.”

“I told you we need to talk.”

“then talk.”

“why do you have to be so hard on this hyukjae?”

“….”

“ok, ryeowook’s been attacked last night. Fallen angels fault. They were starting their revenge. Ryeowook’s one of the
target.”

“oh.” The truth is hyukjae is worried about ryeowook, may be ryeowook is  a but he was one of those who saved
him last time when the fallens attack him. he’s worried but he won’t tell donghae.

“you know he’s a special angel given the privilege to become human because he was able to convince several fallens to repent, the remaining fallens are after him.”

“really, so what it has to do with you and me?” hyukjae ask,

“hyukjae this is not only about us, this is you, me and ryeowook.”

And since when it’s the three of us donghae? “really?” hyukjae stepped in and closed the door, but before he could fully
close it donghae grab his wrist and pull him out.

“you’re being immature hyukjae.”

“im not, let me go. Im tired.”

“ok, ok. Call me when you’re rational enough. We have to talk. Seriously.”

“I am rational donghae, I am sober. You are the one who is not rational.” Hyukjae replied pulling his hand from donghae’s grip and running to his room.

Donghae sighed and run after hyukjae, he’s glad he still has powers.

00000

In hyukjae’s room.

“kind to tell me what’s wrong with you and why did you drink all of these?” donghae asked kicking the bottles on the floor.

“why don’t you ask yourself my guardian angel? And I thought im not rational enough for you? go out and stop talking
to me.”

Then there was silence.

“I told you I love you.” hyukjae whispered.

“you know I can’t-“

“I know! I ing know!”

“then why are you like this?”

“because I love you and you can’t. because last night I dreamt of you, last night I dreamt of you saying you love me but I
can’t say how much I love you too. I can’t say those words as if I don’t know they exist, as if I was mute, but im not and
it hurts because I can’t tell you how much I love you and you left me.” he sobs. “you left me because I can’t say how
much I love you.”

And it hit both of them.

“im having the most critical state of being an angel, im being followed. Yesterday I was cornered by angels, angels with white wings and from heaven, not the usual fallens.” Donghae stop. He doesn’t know how to continue. “i… I  am a
candidate for a transformation.”

Hyukjae looked up, his emotions mixed and his heart pounding hard.

“im under surveillance, 24/7. Just one mistake and snap, I lose my chances of being with you forever.”

Hyukjae is silently listening.

“and ryeowook, he’s guiding me. most of all he’s guiding you. he doesn’t want you to end up like someone he knew.”

Donghae sat at the edge of hyukjae’s bed, reaching out to wipe the drying tears in hyukjae’s cheeks. he smiled.

“please wait for me.” and he moves closer, leaning in.

00000

 A year and a half after their last conversation, hyukjae woke up early and get ready for school. The day is pretty much usual, he greets everyone. He meets ryeowook on his way to school.

“hyung, don’t worry. His transformation took more time than mine but don’t worry, you’ll meet again soon.”

“thank you for reminding. i believe donghae, I trust him. I will wait for him like what I promised.” Hyukjae smiled and when he looked at ryeowook he noticed then sadness in the younger’s face.

“I envy donghae hyung for having you.”

“im sorry.”

“you don’t have to, it’s no one’s fault. He grew tired of waiting for me. though I have no regrets, if he waited for me then I won’t be with sungmin now.” Ryeowook beams a smile, he may be a , but ryeowook is still the nicest angel.

Stopping in their track, “I think you’ll be late for school, or prolly ditching it. don’t worry I’ll tell the others you’re busy.”
Ryeowook said all of a sudden which confuses hyukjae.

“what do you mean? It’s still early?” hyukjae asked following ryeowook’s line of vision. He sees a figure causing his eyes to water.

“so… I’ll be going now hyung. Don’t wanna be late.” Ryeowook said jogging away from him as the familiar figure approaches him.

“hey!” said the figure and a shaky “hey” was his reply. “did you missed me?” said the guy with a teasing tone.

Hyukjae bow his head, “yes, but just a bit.” He said.

“you’re still not good at lying.” The guy chuckles.

“I love you.”

“what?”

The question pierces hyukjae’s heart. “nothing, just… forget it.” he turn his back.

“I love you too.”

“what?!” it was now hyukjae’s turn to ask as he turn his face to the guy.

“woah! Hyuk, now I know how it hurts.” Donghae jokingly said. “I said I love you.” he said again pulling hyukjae closer
and kissing him for the very first time in his human form.

Hyukjae doesn’t think twice and wrap his arms around donghae’s neck, deepening the kiss, letting donghae feel how
much of a good kisser he is.

00000

 
a/n: and so my fic balls lmfao. Sorry this kinda random, and characterization is so lame, Wrote this at 9:30 pm, with no proper sleep. Please forgive my ed up grammar and typing. I just love writing about angels, ideky.
I have midterm exam tmr yet here I am finishing this fic. So ok, I have 11 more to write, for someone who I truly love. Kekekekeke and orz, I wanted “your love is the lucifer” to be title of this fic but mehehhehe. /kicks self
And btw, please talk to me in twitter. Im kinda crazy with my tlist but don’t be scared, I don’t bite, ok? I just cling to you, but at least it won’t harm. Im @haehyuks