He was leaving again.

It wasn’t the first time Jackson had left. It wouldn’t be last. But each and every time it happened, this indescribable mixture of loneliness and fear clouded Mark’s mind.

“I’ll only be gone for a few days,” Jackson said, folding his last few shirts and packing them away in his bag. Mark sighed. Sitting on the floor, back propped against the edge of Jackson’s old bed, he let his head fall back onto the mattress. The reminders had become a daily routine, a reassurance that they wouldn’t be separated for long. At first, Jackson said it to comfort Mark. Now, Mark suspected he said it more for himself than anything else. After all, this wasn’t just another variety show.

When Jackson and BamBam first accepted the offer to appear on Real Men, they’d both been so excited. Mark could still remember the two bouncing in their seats right before they told everyone. It was an opportunity that they couldn’t turn down, especially considering how conveniently it fit in their schedules. But with their Seoul concerts now over and only a few more hours until they had to leave, reality started setting in. They were both panicking. Mark could see it in the way they got quiet, barely saying much of anything.

“Let’s go to 44,” Mark said. Club 44 was only a few blocks away, making it the ideal place to visit for a last-minute getaway.

“Just us?” Jackson asked. His voice got a little higher at the end, almost squeaking. He was trying to hold back the sudden wave of emotions that hit him as he packed the last of his things. Jackson never got this emotional about leaving to film. Heck, when he left for Roommate, he’d been bouncing off the walls, counting down the seconds until he got to the house.

Real Men was different.

“Up to you,” Mark replied cooly, still leaning back against the bed. “Tonight is your night.”

---

BamBam caught them as they’d been leaving. Normally, Jackson wouldn’t have invited anyone else, even BamBam, when it was just him and Mark. Any free time they got alone was precious to him. But the nervous look on the younger’s face made him feel bad. He couldn’t just leave his younger brother behind to fend for himself.

Club 44 always looked especially dark when they first walked in. The -out windows allowed for complete privacy, but also blocked out any light from the outside, leaving only the small, ambient ceiling lights and added LEDs to brighten up the room.

The three slid into the seats of a smaller table in the back of the room, taking a minute to settle in before glancing around. The club was relatively empty, but, then again, it was just past 11 on a Sunday night. Not the most active of times in the idol social spectrum.

“I’ll go grab drinks,” BamBam said. “Beer?” Jackson nodded. BamBam didn’t even have to look at Mark. He already knew the answer was no. He hardly ever drank.

As soon as the youngest left for the bar, Jackson slid his hand under Mark’s and interlaced their fingers. “I’m scared,” he muttered.

“I know,” Mark said, glancing over. Unlike his usual composed self, Jackson body slumped forward, leaning against the wall for support. Mark squeezed his hand just enough for the other to look at him. “I don’t know anyone else who’s more suited to go on that show,” he continued. “You’ll do great.”

“You don’t know that.”

Mark’s thumb started massaging small circles in the back of Jackson’s hand. “Have I been wrong yet?”

“You’re a little biased,” Jackson muttered. Okay, so that was true. Mark could hardly be expected to remain objective when it came to his other half. But even with a clouded mind, Mark saw how much people loved Jackson after seeing him on TV. He was a hit no matter what show he went on.

The older leaned over to let his hood-covered head rest on Jackson’s shoulder, savoring the feeling of his arm pressed up against the other’s side. They sat like that for a moment, each trying to memorize the feeling now so they could remember it while they were apart.

Aside from Jackson’s daily reminder, the two never talked about the fact that they’d be apart. They didn’t want to think about it until they absolutely had to. Until they were already separated.

“They’ll let me keep my phone, right?” Jackson asked, turning his head to look at Mark from the corner of his eye. “I mean, they can’t take it away, right? I’m not actually in the army or anything.”

“I don’t know,” Mark admitted. “But I’ll text you every day, whether you have it or not.” He glanced over to see Jackson staring at him. It was a familiar look. One that Mark knew was just for him. His heart fluttered a little. It always did that.

“Guys!” BamBam called. It was a signal. A warning. One that they’d all used so often that Mark and Jackson’s instant separation came naturally. “Look who was at the bar.” A man dressed in all black with a hint of stubble followed behind, smiling as he saw Mark and Jackson. He owned the bar and always made a point to stop by and say hello whenever any of them happened to come by.

Despite the sudden company, Mark’s hand still bumped up against Jackson’s on the table. The smallest amount of contact was their way of showing affection when other people were around. Simple enough to be overlooked, yet physical enough that neither one of them could ignore it.

---

Jackson barely slept that night. Mark didn’t even try, instead occupying himself with video games until everyone else woke up. They all had to get up extra early to celebrate BamBam’s birthday before the two left for filming. A small but completely worthwhile sacrifice. Besides, the rest of them could sleep when they got back to the dorm.

It took them less than half an hour to eat the entire cake that their managers had bought. Jackson and BamBam had to leave as soon as the celebration was done, so the seven of them all tried their to eat as slowly as they could. But it didn’t get them much time.

When the managers announced it was time to leave, Yugyeom immediately grabbed BamBam’s bag and headed out to the vans. Jinyoung grabbed Jackson’s bag, while Youngjae focused on helping Jaebum move out to the parking lot, even though he wasn’t even supposed to be out of bed in the first place. Stubborn was an understatement when it came to their leader’s insistence on acting like everything was normal.

That left Jackson and Mark in the recording studio lounge. They both milled around idly until everyone had left. As soon as the door clicked behind the last manager, Jackson sniffed a little. Mark glanced up to see that Jackson’s body had folded in on itself again. “Hey, hey, hey,” Mark cooed, making his way over and pulling Jackson into his arms. “What did I tell you? You’re going to be fine.”

“You promise?” Jackson whispered into Mark’s neck.

“Pinky promise on my brother’s life.”

Hands sliding around Mark’s waist, Jackson squeezed tight. Mark was comforting. Mark was stable. Mark was always there for him. “Put on a strong face,” Mark whispered in his ear. “Maybe if you wear it long enough, you’ll start seeing yourself like I do.”

Jackson in a deep breath. Then another. Then another. After a few more, he straightened up and wiped away the moisture collecting in his eyes. “You promise you’ll text every day?”

Mark nodded. “You’ll only be gone for a few days, remember?”

---

Falling asleep without Jackson there was difficult. Even though they didn’t share a room anymore, his absence was still noticeable. So was BamBam’s. Yugyeom asked Mark to sleep in his room while the two were away. The maknae never liked how his room felt so empty without BamBam there.

Mark understood. That’s exactly how jarringly empty his chest felt every time Jackson left. But, unlike Yugyeom’s loneliness, there was no temporary fix to ease away the pain for his heart. Over the years, though, he’d learned to be patient. He’d learn how to numb himself until the other returned.

He’d learned how to cope. Just until Jackson came back.

A/N: I noticed the other day that Mark went out with Jackson and BamBam to a bar the night before they left for Real Men filming and it struck some inspiration for me. So, I wrote this really quickly after my AmeriThaiKong feels didn't go away.