Sad people always try and make other people happy, because they know how terrible it’s to feel worthless. 
I wish I’d learnt this earlier, before everything went off hand. Perhaps I would’ve been able to help you somehow. If you would’ve just said one single word, I would’ve done everything to help you. If you’d just say it, the short but powerful word. 

Help. 

Remember the clothes you always destroyed by cutting huge holes in them? They're tossed around, still spread over our bedroom floor like you always left them, waiting for me to pick them up and scold you for yet again making a mess. Those colorful candies you used to stuff yourself with that came in equal colorful candy wrappers, you still got some left on the bedside table, waiting to be eaten and the wrappers waiting for you to scrunch them up and try to hit the trash can as if playing a lazy version of basket ball. You lazy . I used to be like that too, but I came to realize one of us had to grow up, and I didn’t want to ruin your youth. You always slept with stuffed animals, especially that lion one you got from a fan once. You were always so lovable towards your fans, I admire you for that. Your little lion is lying on our bed, waiting for you to hug it warm during the cold nights. I wanted to hug it for you, but then it’d lose your sweet scent of vanilla and strawberries. I never want that smell to leave my nostrils.  I just wish I could smell it from the crook of your neck, just like I used to do it. Brushing my lips over your smooth skin with the taste of whip cream, my fingers finding their ways to your mess of a hair after a hard day of practice. I’ve always been amazed how you could smell so sweet even covered in sweat. Your hair slicked to your forehead, sticky and wet from the human’s nasty liquid from heat and movements. If it was someone else I’d find it highly unattractive, but I can’t help but still finding you as gorgeous. I’ve seen you in your best but also your worst, like when you got that awful stomach flue and ruined our carpet by puking all over it. Yet I didn’t see you as disgusting one split second, I’ve always though of you as the world’s most beautiful creature. Even that rectangular smile of yours that so many people hate on, in fact, I think that’s the part of you I like the most. Surely I love those glistening chocolate pralines that others would call eyes. And the cute mole’s on your face and body, especially the one on your perfectly sculpted button nose. I also loved how you made an elephant out of your moles on your right arm, it was childish but that’s something unique about you. You wasn’t afraid to show off the child in you, in fact at some times I started thinking the child was on the outside, always visible. And then when needed, that smart adult version of you came out playing his role. Thinking about it now, I realize how underestimated your intelligence was. Most people would say you’re an immature giant baby, or that you had some sort of mental decease like autism. I don’t know if you actually had something like that, all I know is that I loved your sparkling personality. You could get annoying at times, being all loud and making those weird noises that nobody but Kookie seemed to understand, but even then I still loved you. Maybe it was at those moments I loved you the most, because you smiled so genuinely and honesty. I just wish I could see that smile one more time."

”Hyung, we’re going to see Taehyung soon. You ready?”

Kookie’s grown up figure standing in the doorway, dressed in a suit with his hair perfectly styled makes me realize just how much he’ve grown. Ever since you left us, he’ve become more mature and down to earth, or perhaps he just miss you like I do and playing around brings up too much memories.  

”Yeah.. I’ll just finish writing. Is that okay?” 

A sympathetic smile takes place on his lips, eyes softening further. The same look everyone gives me when I talk about you.  How I hate that pitiful look. 

”Of course hyung, take your time."

TaeTae, I’ll meet you soon. I wish you’d come with me home afterwards, but it’s just useless wishing. 
You didn’t leave for nothing. I just wished you’d told me what was going on, I would’ve supported you with all my might. You know I would baby. I hate to see you hurt, I guess that’s why you always plastered on your brightest smile -So that nobody would have to worry. But damn you, this is even worse. I’d rather see you cry, scream and even say just how much you want to die. Because then I could've been there for you. This way you didn’t even give me a chance, you just disappeared. One second you were there, the next you were nowhere to be seen.. 

Suddenly the pages got stained in droplets dripping down from my chin. I didn’t even notice I was crying. 

I hate what this world did to you. I hate what it did to me too. It took away the one thing I valued most in this world, you. 
If you heard me say this you’d probably just give me your typical boxy open-mouthed laugh, asking me if I’ve lost my mind. But I’m telling you this in all honesty. You're the highlight of my life, the sun that wakes me up in the mornings.The moon that's shining over me at dark nights. You're the butterflies in my belly, the feeling some people call love but I call it you. It's you, it was always you. I never knew what love was until’ I met you. 

And now I’ll live my life with an empty space in my heart. You’re the only one who can fill that hole, I’m sure you’re aware of that. But wasn’t my love for you enough? I know I could’ve showed my affection more, scold you less and don’t let my mouth say things I’d retreat later. It was enough people already doing that, throwing at you, but you didn’t let me know about that. You just hid the letters in your desk with a locker, deleted the comments people left online and over all did a great job hiding the ugly truth. Though that’s not great at all, because look what they pushed you into. All because they called you an Alien, 4D and childish, making fun of your smile and voice. Why are you so sensitive? I know I dotted on those weak spots as well at times, but I was just fooling around with you. I never though it hurt you so badly. If I would’ve knew it I’d never again say anything like it, I’d cherish you and tell you every day how much I love your personality and smile, because I do, I ing love it so much. 
By now my tears are already streaming down my face like waterfalls, not leaving a single dry spot on my cheeks. I can hardly see my own words written on the paper, the tears screaming for you to come back making my vision as blurry as my head felt every time I smelled your lovely vanilla scent. That scent I came to love so much.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

”Hey TaeTae, how are you?”

Namjoon’s gentle voice with his equal gentle smile always made me feel more at ease, but now it’s just a reminder that he put on a mask as the strong leader of the group. Just like you always did. 
The weather today is so nice, sun shining and birds singing joyfully. And I hate it, because this way my tears can be seen miles away. I love to imagine that you’re the sun, trying to bright up my day like you used to do when you were still here. But I just cane find myself doing that, seeing your eternal bed in front of my feet, decorated in the prettiest flowers, bows and cute plushies. Your friends and family really miss you, you know. But I wonder if anyone can miss you as much as I do, to the point where the pain is so strong that my body shut down and feel dull. I can’t even tell if I’m still crying. 
Walking up to your bed I place my letter on it together with your favorite flowers and that white fluffy teddy you dressed up like me once. 

”Hi baby, did you miss me? I sure miss you..” a soft sigh leaving my nose, glancing over all the various colors of the flowers. 
”We all miss you.. Your cats and dogs are looking for you, they miss their cuddly and playful owner.” and there I cracked, bursting out in a new river of salty liquid. ”It hurts Tae. Waking up finding the spot you always slept in being empty.. I know I always said how much I hated that you more or less abused me in your sleep, swaying your limbs to all possible and even impossible ways. But god damn it, I would do anything to wake up from you drooling on me with your legs and arms tangled up on my body….” sitting on my knees in front of your bed of death, I can’t see any hope you the future. I still have a hard time fully realizing that you won’t come back. But having a grave stone with the date of your death engraved, realization starts to sink in to my thick skull. I just don't want to realize it. I want you here. 

”Hyung, we have to go back..” 

Jimin, little baby Jiminie. You don’t have to be so gentle with me, you can force me up if wanted. You were probably the person that stood closest to Taehyung next after me, how can you hold yourself together? 

”I know it’s hard hyung. Me too.. I miss him…” 

We all miss him Jimin. We all do.

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OMO I'M SORRY I KILLED TAETAE//3

this is just TaeGi drabble, I'm sorry it's not the best but I really felt like I had to update. ;-; 

I hope you guys like it and don't hate me too much after this LMAO