It is my firm belief we all have omens. We all have signs, symbols, or phenomena by which the universe tells us that something good, or perhaps something bad, is coming our way. For me, my good omen has always been cardinals. To see those bright red creatures outside were my own personal reminder that happiness, even if as rare as those birds, was always spectacular and captivating.

I’m not sure if I saw a cardinal that day I first laid eyes on Jinyoung. But let it be known that Jinyoung was in many ways what I consider to be a bad omen—the good looking boy with the nice hair. It was one thing if a boy had a naturally attractive face. Tidied hair ultimately meant he knew he was good-looking, and he was therefore dangerous. I’ve had my fair share of players throughout university. From the film major who accidentally took my coffee at the coffee shop and ended up being straight, to the guy in my chemistry class who had slept with me to win a bet he had made with one of his friends. But there was something about Jinyoung that seemed different. For all his hair, his close-fitting sweaters, pressed chinos, and black leather chelsea boots, he walked around our third-year biology lab with a sense of timidity that I found endearingly refreshing. I never talked to him in that lab, just his lab partner Jaebum who I was close friends with. Every Friday morning, I would come into the lab and greet Jaebum and ask how his week had been going. Of course catching up with Jaebum was important to me, but also was catching a few glimpses of Jinyoung putting on his lab coat and goggles. It was a ritual I’d come to look forward to for the better part of the winter semester.

Third year of my undergrad would end, and my best friend Annie would leave the city to visit her family in Hong Kong. I would pass the time by reading, and working at a grocery store as a cashier. I dated here and there, and eventually one boy caught my interest—Wooyoung was an architect, with a lack of fashion sense which was mildly unflattering but mainly unthreatening. We had a shared interest in sci-fi movies and dirty restaurants. We dated through the summer, and into the new school year. I noticed Jinyoung in one of my courses— small course witha  syllabus that promised many class discussions and frequent small group projects.

I remember sitting in the lunch cafeteria around mid-October. I was alone, drinking coffee waiting for my next lecture. I noticed that Jinyoung was having lunch with Jaebum. I had never seen Jinyoung hang out with someone outside of class, let alone with someone I knew. Seeing him in this environment was like watching animals mating at the zoo. They had been talking for a while, and then Jinyoung got up and left. As soon as he did, I rushed over to Jaebum.

“Mark! What a surprise we were just talking about you.” Jaebum greeted.

“Oh really?” I replied. “Jinyoung was talking about me? What did he say?”

“Funny enough he…actually I’m not even sure if I should mention anything.”

“Come on, you can’t just leave me like this.”

“Okay, alright.” Jaebum resigned. “He asked if you’re single. Are you single?”

“He what?!” I retorted.

“Okay quiet down!” Jaebum hushed. “He thought you were cute is all. But seriously are you dating anyone?”

I hesitated. “I am.”

I was never the one to cheat on anyone. Everyone would always tell me “once a cheater, always a cheater”, and that in itself was enough to keep me from committing the deed. And even then, Wooyoung had treated me quite well. He was easy going, and pretty low maintenance.

“Oh that’s unfortunate,” Jaebum said. “Don’t think too much of it.”

“Indeed it is.”

A week or two passed by, when my professor mentioned our final assignment was approaching: a presentation to be delivered in groups of four to the entire class, on a topic of our choice. Weaselling myself into the same group as Jinyoung was not without difficulty. My friend Annie and I had already formed a team with two other classmates as soon as the assignment was brought up in class. Luckily for me, Jinyoung had partnered himself with a classmate I was acquainted with quite well. This classmate mentioned they had not formed a full team yet. We ran in to each other about four days after Annie and I had formed a group.

“Oh, Annie and I are looking for two more people!” I mentioned earnestly, despite knowing Annie had already committed us to two other classmates."

“That’s great! I’ll let Jinyoung know.”

After a round of even more lies, and profusely apologizing to the acquaintances of Annie who suddenly found themselves paired up by the professor with two people they knew nothing of, our new and scandalous group made plans to meet up after class.

We held our meeting in the cafeteria, which on a Thursday evening was already empty save for the four of us. Looking back on that day, I’m embarassed to think that my own veneer of calmness and confidence was barely keeping at bay how excited I was sitting across from Jinyoung, and to be talking to him. The meeting ended after an hour, and I went home wondering thinking I looked completley stupid, and wondering how I ever got into this mess. To think I might be gambling a grade on a fourth year course because I was crushing on the guy cute guy with the nice hair. If the universe was a person, it was facepalming at me right now.

Pacing back and forth in my room, I addressed the situation as best I could. I found Jinyoung on Facebook and shot him a message.

Hi Jinyoung.

I have to confess that I think you’re really cute. I’ve thought you were cute for a while. I’m addressing it now because I don’t want this to affect how we handle the group project. Anyways, Happy Thursday.

I got a reply a few minutes later, something I wasn’t quite expecting.

Hey Mark :) And honestly no worries, I think you're cute too. :)