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☓ REVIEW PICKUP
Title (5/5) - How original is your title and how much does it relate to the story?
I believe that the title was creative and tied in well with the story/theme.
Description/Forward (9/10) - how much did it catch my attention and relate to the story?
Although your description is short there is enough information in it that piques the reader's curiosity . You did switch tenses early which slightly confused me but that’s just me looking really carefully.
Plot (16/20) -
Originality - how unique and different is your story?
I think the concept has been used a few times but the syntax/voice of the story gave it its own personality.
Believable - in your story's world, how much do I believe this is what is happening?
There were some events/coincidences that of course would be hard to achieve but I believe it is necessary to the story and not over exaggerated. The way the characters are actually developed and not just ‘smooshed’ together to make a happy ending helps with making it more realistic.
Characters (26/30) -
Voice - how strong is your narrative voice/the character's voice?
Usually when one has more than two people narrating a story it is easy to sometimes blend them together into one voice but you were able to keep them separate.
Development - how much does the character grow in the story?
In a sense the characters do begin to change themselves but right now the story is ongoing and I believe that as you continue it will gain momentum.
Personality - how alive do they feel?
The characters are not plastic. They have flaws and strengths like any other which in turn balances it out. The side characters were well written they were not flat, lifeless dolls, they actually helped with the story/character development.
Setting (10/10) - how well-built and represented is your setting in the story?
The setting itself is thoroughly explained, there was nothing that didn't fit in or was awkward. It was very descriptive at times and really helped me feel more involved with the story.
Mechanics (13/15) -
Flow - how does the story pace itself and move along?
The story plot itself moves at an appropriate pace in the beginning. In some places of the story I was confused at whose pov it was in, I suggest you write who's pov it is to make it easier. The transition between scenes is a little rough around the edges which again saying which pov it is would greatly help the flow. The relationship between the main characters escalated a little quickly in my opinion but if that was what you wanted then ignore my words. Remember these are merely suggestions and you are the author who is in control of the story.
Grammar/Vocab - how many errors were there?
There were some slight errors here and there like the the right tenses or misspellings that can easily be fixed by going over the story several times or asking someone else to do it like a beta reader it's up to you. Although always keep in mind that it is important because it coincides with the flow and voice of the story.
Misc. (8/10)
Enjoyability - how much did I enjoy your story?
The story was fun to read, it is a cute love story with twists and turns that in turn made it even more enjoyable.
Satisfactory - am I satisfied with the way it is progressing/ended?
I was a little disappointed when the relationship between both main characters escalated quickly, it felt a little forced, and the last chapter is a little heavy with new characters. I found it confusing who was who and why they were important, I believe that is why some readers are confused, because you are giving a lot of information in one chapter. I suggest gradually introducing them and describing their personalities more than their physical appearance so readers have a better understanding of who they are, unless you plan on doing that in the next chapter. Then it is alright for readers to be readers to be confused as long as they aren't confused for longer than a chapter or two in my opinion.
Total (87/100)
Title (5/5) - How original is your title and how much does it relate to the story?
I believe that the title was creative and tied in well with the story/theme.
Description/Forward (9/10) - how much did it catch my attention and relate to the story?
Although your description is short there is enough information in it that piques the reader's curiosity . You did switch tenses early which slightly confused me but that’s just me looking really carefully.
Plot (16/20) -
Originality - how unique and different is your story?
I think the concept has been used a few times but the syntax/voice of the story gave it its own personality.
Believable - in your story's world, how much do I believe this is what is happening?
There were some events/coincidences that of course would be hard to achieve but I believe it is necessary to the story and not over exaggerated. The way the characters are actually developed and not just ‘smooshed’ together to make a happy ending helps with making it more realistic.
Characters (26/30) -
Voice - how strong is your narrative voice/the character's voice?
Usually when one has more than two people narrating a story it is easy to sometimes blend them together into one voice but you were able to keep them separate.
Development - how much does the character grow in the story?
In a sense the characters do begin to change themselves but right now the story is ongoing and I believe that as you continue it will gain momentum.
Personality - how alive do they feel?
The characters are not plastic. They have flaws and strengths like any other which in turn balances it out. The side characters were well written they were not flat, lifeless dolls, they actually helped with the story/character development.
Setting (10/10) - how well-built and represented is your setting in the story?
The setting itself is thoroughly explained, there was nothing that didn't fit in or was awkward. It was very descriptive at times and really helped me feel more involved with the story.
Mechanics (13/15) -
Flow - how does the story pace itself and move along?
The story plot itself moves at an appropriate pace in the beginning. In some places of the story I was confused at whose pov it was in, I suggest you write who's pov it is to make it easier. The transition between scenes is a little rough around the edges which again saying which pov it is would greatly help the flow. The relationship between the main characters escalated a little quickly in my opinion but if that was what you wanted then ignore my words. Remember these are merely suggestions and you are the author who is in control of the story.
Grammar/Vocab - how many errors were there?
There were some slight errors here and there like the the right tenses or misspellings that can easily be fixed by going over the story several times or asking someone else to do it like a beta reader it's up to you. Although always keep in mind that it is important because it coincides with the flow and voice of the story.
Misc. (8/10)
Enjoyability - how much did I enjoy your story?
The story was fun to read, it is a cute love story with twists and turns that in turn made it even more enjoyable.
Satisfactory - am I satisfied with the way it is progressing/ended?
I was a little disappointed when the relationship between both main characters escalated quickly, it felt a little forced, and the last chapter is a little heavy with new characters. I found it confusing who was who and why they were important, I believe that is why some readers are confused, because you are giving a lot of information in one chapter. I suggest gradually introducing them and describing their personalities more than their physical appearance so readers have a better understanding of who they are, unless you plan on doing that in the next chapter. Then it is alright for readers to be readers to be confused as long as they aren't confused for longer than a chapter or two in my opinion.
Total (87/100)
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