(this is the story, ez.)

It was a good day. It was pride day at our high school. And my long(ish) time crush and I were planning on attending Pride Day. Sadly, his friends were going and although I was a Freshman, and he was a Senior, we stayed together in the same section. (because freshmans are supposed to go with freshmans, seniors on seniors. To see who has more pride.)

The night before, I couldn't sleep well. Besides the fact Umma was yelling, I couldn't sleep because I was thinking about the day before me. 

Then the next morning, the butterflies in my stomach wouldn't fly away. It was like little pebbles were holding them down.  Every period, everytime the bell rang, I thought, "Just wait! A little longer & you'll see him. You'll be with him."

I told my friends and they were happy for me too. "Don't get !" Since I was going to his house. But I trust him, I'm not gonna get . 

So then the day passed. It was 12 pm. RING! Time to exist school to the Football field, to watch the Pride Parade with him. 

We met up in the lockers."Hey! Let's go." he said. With his other friends and cousin around him, we left the halls to go eat some lunch.

"What do you want to eat?" he asked me. Being shy and embaressed, "Anything, hehe." I said. Then, a friend. Sunhee of his said, "Hey, do you like him?" I was hessitant. I didn't wanna tell her. She intimidated and scared me. "Why?" I said. A stupid question. "Just asking." she responded. But I stayed silent. "So you do. That's cool." Then he came with a salad.

We went to the Pride Parade, which was boring. We only stayed for 1 hour and then we headed to his house. Tagging along was his friend, Sunhee. Oh, awkward again. So we walked with her to his house. Then when we got home, we saw his brother. "Annyeong!" they said, taking off their shoes. I didn't say anything. It was weird, because I didn't speak their language.

We went to his brother's room, watching the movie, Inception. Then Sunhee left after a while because she had to do something. 
It was just him and I in his room, watching the movie. 

The movie ended and we ate some spaggetti his brother made. We ate together. It was awkward, but I didn't mind. I enjoyed it. I was hungry too. I tried to text around the awkward situations. 

( vv important part)

When we were done, him and I headed to his room for the remaining minutes of me staying at his house. We sat on his bed, and remembered he was going to sing to me. "Ya, sing to me! You said you were going to." He said, "Ya, you have to sing first!" Haha. No. "No! I said I would sing, but not first."

Then that was the point where we were being cute. He suggested playing rock paper sissors to find out who was going to go first to sing to each other. I won, but we started playing around and stuff. Eventually, he sang "Haru, Haru" by Big Bang. Man, he sang so good. Then it was my turn to sing. "Hello" by SHINee. I was too shy because it's not my fluent language, and I'll sound weird. But he kept poking and tickling me, and wanting me to sing it for him, so I did it.

Afterwards, we were getting sleepy. So at times, we would close our eyes. But when we opened them, we saw each other. I couldn't stop staring at his dark brown eyes and strong nose and pretty smile. I looked at his lips constantly. We were close. Like 1cm away from each other, laying on the bed, almost cuddling. I would make him laugh by fluttering my eyes and peeking at him. I would giggle just seeing him.

Then, it happned. We kissed. We kissed a small kiss two times and I hid my face, giggling. How can I be stupid? He doesn't like me. So, I hid. But when I showed my face, he brushed my hair and thumbed my face. His touch was so warm and safe. His body was warm against mines and I smiled, thinking about him. 

We got close once again, kissing more. Longer. Multiple times. His tongue in mines, his lip on mines. It wasn't dirty, it was magical. Sure, his hand was up my shirt (I was lying on my stomach, btw), but we didn't mean anything.  We weren't going to do that.

"Do you like me?" I whispered.
"Yeah, but.."

But? But you kissed me. But you held me. But you took me to your house and fed me. But what?

I hid my face in his pillow. I'm a shame. 
 

"What now?" I said. Hoping he would say something like, "I like you. Be mines."
"Why do you like me?"
"Because.." I responded. I had a lot of reasons why I liked him. I couldn't tell him all of the reasons why, honestly.

"I'm not a good guy. I'm not nice. I'm 4 years older than you."
I shrugged.
"You don't care?"
"No." I said.

Then we just layed in bed. Quietly. Then it was time for me to leave. He walked me to my grandma's house so I could wait for my mom. 

He talked to me along the way, but I just couldn't. He didn't ask me out. He didn't tell me we should be together, when we kissed. It was my first real kiss. I liked him a lot. And he said he liked me too. But why couldn't he speak 3 words, "Let's be together."

Now I'm home. I smell exactly like him. His scent on my jacket. When I smell it, lingering in my nose, I cringe. I still want to kiss him. I want to hold him. I want to relive this night. I was his lips against mines, the special moments. Everything. But why couldn't he tell me something. He couldn't tell me that he wanted to go out with me. I like him. I guess we should talk about it then. 
If he's as bad as he says he is, I can deal with it. If I can't, we can break up. We can be friends. If he doesn't want us to be together, it'll be ok. I'll it up and be his friend.

But all I need is an Answer.