Buzzzzz......

I fished out my ringing cell phone from my pocket.

"Yunho, I've told you I'll be there as I promised you." Silent. "I know. I know, I miss you too. Well, as far as I can remember, the last time I met you was three hours ago during breakfast." Silent. "Okay, I'll meet you at your office shortly. See ya." I looked at my cell phone, shaking my head with a smile. Smile of happiness. I put the phone back into my pants pocket and  paid for the sports magazine and walked out from the convenience store.

I was so into my own world while walking until I bumped onto someone.

“Sorry…” I said, immediately squatting down to collect my magazine that dropped on the floor.

“It’s ok. It’s my fault.. It was me. I was not looking." Said the other person.

Wait....

That voice!

My hand trembled. I looked up slowly. Yes, that’s him. I stood there rooted at my spot. My insides froze. Here standing right in front of me was the man that ruined my life. The one who had broken my heart to millions of pieces with his broken love and promises.

It’s Shim Changmin. I was standing like a statue staring at him. I didn’t say a word for a longest time, just staring at him. He was too, just frozen at his spot, eyes locked at me. Suddenly, there was a buzzing sound in my head.

“Hi Jae.” He opened his mouth first. His voice was so soft. I can barely hear him but I saw his mouth moving and I guessed he’s saying hi to me.

“h- hi Changmin.” I stuttered. Stupid heart. Why do I still feel nervous when I see him? This is the first time I meet him after three years our break-up, I didn’t know what to say. He is still handsome as ever. But looked older than I can remember him before.

“How are you? He asked with a small smile on his mouth.

“Good... I’m good.” That’s all I can say. I keep staring at him. I felt as if I was in a dream. We both just looked at each other. To this I said nothing. I wanted to say more. But no word can come out now. A big lump in my throat.

Silent.

It’s really an awkward situation. We are totally strangers now.

“I'be been living in Japan, Jae. Almost two years now. I can’t stay here, Jae,” he said softly. “Not with the things the way they are between us.” He sighed then added. "I just came back to visit my parents.” Changmin told me without me asking. As if he understands what I would ask him.

“I’m married. For a year now.” Smiling, I said looking straight into his eyes. He smiled slightly. His expression didn’t change at all. I don’t know why I’m telling him this. Revenge? Am I still angry at him? No. I love him. Still.

He nodded once. He was not surprise to hear that. “I know. I was there and I saw you. I was standing outside the church across the road and I saw you when you were leaving the place. Yunho is a good guy. He's the luckiest man on earth. I know you are in a good hand. I have no doubt in that.”

He was there and he saw me that day! He came to see me on my wedding day. He knew I’m married to Yunho.

Why suddenly I feel sad?

“How did you know about my wedding?” I asked him trying to hide my sad expression, as if he can't see it.

“I met Yoochun hyung when he was in Japan. He told me about your special day. So I flew back from Japan on that day.”

“Why?” I asked.

Changmin didn't answer.

"Why did you come back on that day?" I asked him again. There were the longest, most dreadful pause, my heart drumming so hard against my ribs it felt like it might burst out of my chest of any moment.

“I wanted to see you on your wedding day. You were beautiful that day, Jae. Very very beautiful. But that beauty is not mine anymore. I…lost it.”

It hurt something inside me to hear him say it, to hear him speak in such a broken voice.

“Why… didn’t you come and see me?” I stared at him, waiting for his response. It took him a long moment before he finally answered me.

“Should I? Will it change anything?” he smiled again. “So, everything’s working out for you. You must be really happy with the way things are lining up in your life these days. I’m happy for you, Jae. Yunho will take good care of you more than I can.”

“Thank you." I almost choke. He didn't know how sad I was to hear him said that. "How’s your wife?” I changed the topic. I felt uncomfortable to talk about Yunho with him.

“She’s fine.” He still smiles and his eyes never leave mine. But that’s not what his eyes was telling me. Liar, tell me the truth.

“How’s your baby? Oh, is it a boy or a girl?”

Changmin just look down at his feet. I can see he’s clenching his jaw. He just keeps quite. Are they having marriage problem now?

“Changmin?” I asked, scrutinizing his tanned face. He looked in my eyes. Deep in my eyes. “A girl and she’s fine too.”

There was no smile on his face now. I can sense a hint sadness from his tone of voice. And yet… there was something I knew he wasn’t telling me.

I looked down at his hands. “Where’s your wedding ring? You are not wearing it?” I asked him, still looking down at his hands.

He just kept quite. I looked up and saw him staring down at me. Please tell me that he’s happy with his family. That's the reason why he had to leave me. It's not fair if it isn't. Please!

“Changmin?” I called, staring up at him desperately.

Changmin hesitated for a moment and nodded slowly. He took a long deep breath and sighed….

“One month before her due date, she came back home with a divorce papers. She said she was sorry for all the mess she had created. And…..” Changmin could not finish his sentence. His voice trembling.

“Changmin, ....and what?” I stared at him, gritting my teeth.

“and… she said the baby… was not mine. She said she framed me because her boyfriend at that time doesn't want to take responsiblity. She left after I signed the papers and I have not seen her since then.” He just make it short and brief. His expression changed after telling me the bitter truth.

“Min …. I’m sorry.”

He shook his head. “Don’t. Don’t be because I’m not. You can take back your sorry. I'm the one who screwed it up.”

Oh my God! She left him! And that was one year before I married to Yunho! For that one year, I was still struggle to forget him. I always have the urge to look for him. Even just to see him from afar.

I wanted to ask him why he didn’t look for me after he knew the truth about his wife. About all her lies that broke us apart. Why Changmin? The image of Yunho came to my mind. My husband. I hold to my question even my heart was crying hard wanted the know why.

My world started to spin as I felt the huge concrete rise to hug me. It was as though in that brief of moment, time had suddenly stopped and I understood everything that had happened between us. I hadn’t expected this kind of meeting with him. I still love him. Deep in my heart I never let him go. I never let him go.

I wanted to tell him that even he had broke me, but there was still this tiny, minuscule part of me that thinks of him at night when everyone is asleep, and I think about how much I still love him.

Tears filled my eyes before I could stop them. "I... us..." I wanted to tell him something but I couldn't say it.

The muscles in my legs tensed up, felt their ready strength and speed. I wanted to run. Run from this lie. This dream. This nightmare.

His eyes were glistering too. "Don't cry," He said, tracing my face with his fingers tips. "There's no more us. Let it go, Jae, just let it go." His palm rested on my cheek then he added. "I'm happy knowing you're happy wiith your life now."

I leaned in my head onto his palm. They were warm on my skin. Slowly he slide down his hand from my cheek and said...

“Good bye Jae. Take care. I’m sorry.” He smiled his sad smile, closed his eyes for a brief second, took a step backward then turned. He just keep walking and never turn back. I watched him walk away without saying anything.

I wanted to ask him...

Should I?

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
4 years ago. Feels like... kinda stupid for writing this.

To anyone who reads this story, do you see any part of me loving so much of minjae/jaemin and hated so much of yunjae?

Editing still in progress.