I am awake. I know I am. But why do I keep seeing him.

Lifeless eyes, piercing through me. White face, trembling lips.

'You are the reason I'm doing this. It's your fault Myra! Your fault! Your fault! '

I'm shaking and it's bad. It hurts. My head hurts.

I need him. I need Jungkook.

 

'Hello, My-'

'It's really bad, Jungkook. It hurts. I need you. Please.'

It's been 5 minutes maybe. 5 hours? Years? Centuries?

He is here. 

'It's okay. You are okay.'

Comforting words yet I don't feel even near comforted.

'Are you going to do the same?'

Nothing.

'Are you GOING TO DO THE SAME?'

I'm shouting. No. Scratch that. Screaming my lungs out.

He is calm. He looks at me.

'I'm not Him, Myra.'

'But I'm me. And I'm scared that...that I'm falling...'

'Falling..?'

He is confused. He is thinking. His eyes are wide.

He figured out.

'Don't. I can't promise to catch you.'

Then silence.

'I'm your friend but I don't know everything about you. And you don't know everything about me.'

There's this sad, distant look in his eyes.

'I will show you mine if you show me yours first. Scars I mean.'

'Some things are better left un-said. Myra ... understand. You won't look at me the same. I can't.'

 

 

 

3 a.m, 14th August

He left exactly 2 hours, 3 minutes and 33, no, 34 seconds ago.

Who is this person . So dark, so angry. At himself? At the world? At someone I don't know?

People have their own problems. Why was I so keen on thinking I was the only human haunted my her past. Like some crazy conspiracy.

Jungkook has his own past. Skeletons in the closet if you wish. And I knew nothing about any of it.

I should sleep.

 

 

 

 

'Kookie! Are you up for some milkshake and fries?'

'You should stop asking rethorical questions. You know me too well.'

Oh, but I don't.

What a nice, summer day. The sun is shining and the sky is so blue.

This was Heaven on Earth: sun, grass, milkshake, fries ... and Jungkook.

'I know one of your scars. It's only fair you know one of mine.'

I looked at him. And then ... And then I was captured in his eyes. So deep. So warm. So...sad.

'I had a family of four. Only two of us are left. Only we survived. That' why we moved here. So the memories won't haunt us...'

He was quiet for a moment. 

I realized how vaulranable Jungkook was at this moment. So beautiful under the sun rays. So breathtakingly human.

'You always ask me to speak in Korean so I'll teach you a word.'

I looked at him with the growing anticipation of a 5-year-old.

'Noona.'

'Noo-na?'

'Very good. You are a good student.'

'What does it mean, little Kookie?'

'That's your homework. I trust you will know by the next time we meet.'

When I got home the first thing I did was to open my laptop and search the net.

Noona: Korean word, used by younger boys to adress older girls. It could be used to adress a sister, other siblings, friends and sometimes lovers.

If he were to call me that way, what meaning would he put behind it.

I'm definitely in the friend-zone. I souldn't get my hopes up.