N/Leo, N-centric

708

Doctor Cha Hakyeon, Chief of General Pediatrics and head child oncologist of Seoul University Hospital, sits on one of the permanently cemented chrome benches on the hospital’s rooftop. It is 9:47 as what the numbers on his digital wristwatch dictates. He looks over a brightly lit Seoul in the peak of its booming nightlife and Hakyeon has never felt more miserable in his thirty-three years of existence.

He has discarded his immaculate, white doctor’s coat and has his dark blue sleeves rolled up revealing, beautifully tanned skin. The air is chilly and the cold seems to seep into his bones, freezing his blood and Hakyeon likes it, loves it even. A lighted cigarette sits between his long, thin fingers and he inhales a good drag of the cancer on a stick, puffs of smoke materialize from his breath and into the air disappearing in seconds.

Hakyeon is halfway through his seventh stick of the hour and he wishes that he too will disappear like the thin tendrils of smoke he pollutes the air with. His head is killing him.

Hakyeon isn’t surprised when timid footsteps approach his general direction. He inhales another drag and lets it poison his lungs with deceptive warmth before he exhales. The the chief physician doesn’t need to look to know that the footsteps belong to the newest addition to their team, Senior Resident Jung Taekwoon.

“Are your rounds over?” Hakyeon asks over the smoke that billows in the air between them. “I know I shouldn’t be influencing you residents with addictions that’re  impossible to kill but you look like you don’t mind.” The younger is unfazed by the stench so Hakyeon stretches an arm, the cigarette dangles loosely between his fingers. “Want some, It’s my final stick, I’m sorry.”

Taekwoon receives what’s left of the burned stick by his index finger and thumb. He nonchalantly takes one final drag before letting it fall to the concrete ground and stubs it with his shoe. “I smoke too, been smoking since med school, though I stopped because it was bound to kill me.” He says with his equally timid voice. “You’re shaking Chief Cha, is something the matter?”

Hakyeon isn’t surprised by the other’s perceptiveness. Quiet people, indeed, has the most peculiar sense of observation and has an eye for detail. Taekwoon was right with his observation.

“It’s just personal issues.” He affirms, “Nothing you should be concerned of, I’m fine.”

Taekwoon regards him with a subtle look and nods, “I came by because I wanted to thank you for yesterday, I’m sorry it had to happen.”

Hakyeon just nods and watches the younger take his leave. He is thankful that Taekwoon isn’t as compelling as he looks. And divulging his personal affairs doesn’t sit well with him.

The truth is, Hakyeon’s life is one huge cluster without loose ends. He could wake up everyday and tell himself that everything is in its rightful places and everyone will know its the truth. What they see is a calm and composed Dr. Cha Hakyeon who’s one of the best there is. And yes, Hakyeon acknowledges that its the truth but the lie he is living in is like an invisible void only visible to him and it in everything he believes to be true.

Hakyeon’s arranged wife, someone called Hyerim, a tycoon in the nuclear industry, threatened to divorce him. When that happens, Hakyeon’s family will gladly disown their oh-so-perfect-son who has never been and will never be enough. Actually, Hakyeon doesn’t give a flying about disownment but his wife is starting to notice  that he scarcely touches her because he isn’t into women at all. And when that goes out he’ll lose everything.

Then there’s Jung Taekwoon. His allurement magnified by his quiet nature and God knows that Hakyeon is desperate to see him crumble and hear him scream.

Scream in pleasure beneath him.

, Hakyeon’s mind supplies. Stop wanting something that you can’t get.

Hakyeon sometimes wants to go over the chrome railings and descend into a bloody death thirty floors down. He wonders if this will end his problems, but he just sighs and leaves the rooftop wanting to light another stick.