You Are My Playground

It happened out of nowhere.

Completely unplanned and completely unexpected.

Jaebum didn't even know such a thing existed until the doctor had told him so.

He had been feeling back pains for the past few weeks but had passed it off simply as overexerting himself. Until the pain got to the point where he couldn't even do simple activities. For example, in the most recent episode of GOT-ing where he had to lie down instead of playing fencing with the kids or refereeing their soccer match.

It wasn't until when he attempted to do a flip and couldn't even complete it did he realize that something was wrong. Thankfully, s weren't in the practice room to make a fuss. No reason to worry them over something that might be nothing when they were already all high on stress and anticipation for their upcoming concert.

Still, there was a possibility of something being wrong. Jaebum didn't want to take the risk of collapsing halfway during the concert. That would definitely scare s and fans. With the permission of his manager and swearing Noyoung hyung to secrecy, he took off to the nearest hospital early one morning, decked out in the dullest clothes he could find not to attract any attention.

It was so early that Jaebum barely needed to wait before someone escorted him into the medical room. An hour and a CT scan later, he walked out with a nervous heart and jittery hands. Part of him wished that he hadn't gone to the doctor. Then he wouldn't have to deliver such heartbreaking news.

Herniated disc.

A slipped disc.

Rest for a few weeks at least - in other words, no dancing.

He didn't want to tell JYP PD-nim about it, but he knew he should. Jaebum didn't need the CEO to inform him what was going to happen. When the doctor gave him the news, he had expected it.

Im Jaebum could not take part in GOT7's first concert in Seoul.

JYP PD-nim had reassured him that the company would inform his fans for him. The fans would understand. They would be worried, yes, but they would understand. Health was the most important thing for any human, including idols.

Jaebum wasn't that worried about the fans. He knew they would understand. At least he hoped they would. He felt guilty, so so guilty knowing that IGOT7s were looking forward to GOT7's first concert. So was he. But they would be alright.

s, on the other hand, would be a different story. Jaebum had backed out from dinner with Mark's parents a few nights before, enduring the elder's disappointed yet worried gaze. He had suspected then something was wrong but didn't bring it up to s. Jinyoung and Mark had caught on that something was wrong, but they didn't press Jaebum further when he said everything was fine. Still, the dongsaengs had noticed that the hyungs weren't as playful as they should be at the dinner and it had affected the entire mood.

Jaebum felt guilty for that too.

And now, he had to tell s that he wouldn't be able to stand on stage with them. Especially Jinyoung. Oh, Jinyoung. His other half. To whom he had promised back in 2012, that one day, they would have a concert of their own.

And they would.

Except, Jaebum wouldn't be there with them.

Noyoung hyung was a blessing. Having been with Jaebum since JJ Project era, he volunteered to be the one to tell s the news. Jaebum agreed to it a little too quickly.

It might be a cowardly thing to do, pushing the responsibility onto someone else when he should be the one to tell s. But Jaebum didn't think that he could look at s' faces right now.

The drive back to the dorm passed way too quickly for his liking. The minute Jaebum stepped through the gate; the members immediately pounced on him. It was only the look of his face which stunned them for a few seconds that allowed him to push past them and lock himself in his room. Never mind that he was sharing a room with Jackson.

Jaebum leaned against the door, before remembering that it was a bad idea. He wasn't allowed to stand for extended periods of time, or lie against a hard surface. Dancing and doing flips were definitely out of the question. He needed to wear a back brace at all times and limit any activities that would stretch his back muscles to a minimum. Lethargically, he pulled himself up and dropped himself onto the bed gently, lying on his stomach per doctor's orders. Reaching over, he grabbed a pillow and covered his head with it.

He didn't want to hear s' reactions when Noyoung hyung delivered the news.

The pillow wasn't as soundproof as he would have liked it to be. Jaebum could still hear the outcry which immediately died down before murmurs began. Biting his lip, he pushed his face further into the bed, willing himself not to cry. He shouldn't cry. Wouldn't cry. Couldn't cry. He was the leader after all.

A knock on the door came, which Jaebum ignored. He didn't want to deal with the guilt on seeing the sorrow and sadness on 's face. They wouldn't pity him, knowing that that would break him more than anything else.

"Jaebum hyung?"

Great. Just the one person he really really didn't need to see now.

Soft hands removed the pillow from his head and rested against his back, rubbing small circles on his skin.

"Hyung."

Jaebum turned to look at the dark eyes of Jinyoung, before closing and turning away.

"Sorry. . I'm so sorry." He wasn't crying. Nope. Those little things gathering in his eyes weren't tears. Not at all.

"Oh hyung. Oh no. No, no. Don't apologize. It's not your fault." Jinyoung gathered the leader up in his arms, rocking the other back and forth like a baby.

"It is. I screwed up my back and can't perform with you guys. With you." Jaebum sniffed, as he tried to push away from the younger's chest but he found himself held firmly.

More hands came around him, as he felt the other members joining in the impromptu hug.

"It's ok hyung. It's not your fault." Youngjae's voice drifted past his ears, and he felt arms tightening around him.

"Don't blame yourself, Jaebum ah," Mark said in English. Jaebum leaned back to rest against the other's body.

He felt the top of his head getting wet and tilted his head up to look at Jackson's teary eyes.

"You idiot. Why are you crying? Don't cry." He said, reaching out his hands to dry the younger's tears. Jinyoung had loosened his hold enough that Jaebum could turn in the other's arms and draw Jackson into a hug.

"Because it's not fair. It shouldn't have to happen to you. You of all people don't deserve them."

Oh, Jackson. The young man was the most emphatic of all the GOT7 members.

"You really don't hyung. Not when you have sacrificed so many things for us, like schedules." Jackson sobbed.

Oh.

Jaebum didn't realize that they knew that he gave up certain schedules for other members. They needed more screen time than him after all. Amongst the other stuff that he had done for them.

"Don't cry Jackson ah. I'll be okay. You guys will do great. Oh no, Jackson. Please don't cry for hyung." He reassured him, not knowing what to say. No one deserved this. Jaebum wouldn't wish it on any idol to miss out on their first concert. But it had happened to him. And he had to deal with it.

Sniffling noises came from across the room. Jaebum looked up to see the two maknaes standing at the doorway, looking somewhat lost. The leader allowed Youngjae to tug Jackson out of his arms before opening them. Without needing any other prompt, the two younger males rushed towards him.

Jaebum gulped in nervousness.

Were they going to jump on him?

Surprisingly, Yugyeom and Bambam stopped just before him. Instead, they settled themselves gently into his arms. "Sorry hyung. That we didn't notice you were hurting." They mumbled into his shoulders. Jaebum felt his shirt getting wet, but he didn't mind.

"It's not your fault. Don't cry. Your eyes will be puffy for tomorrow's performance." Right. They still had to perform Shinhwa's This Love on M!Countdown tomorrow. Jaebum glanced up Jinyoung, feeling somewhat bewildered. He was unsure how he went from the role of being comforted by the younger boys, to being the one that was comforting them. Jinyoung caught the look and smiled, mouthing ‘Leader ssi' at Jaebum.

It was a tight squeeze, a really tight squeeze, but they managed to somehow fit seven growing boys onto a bed meant for two. While Jaebum had been consoling the maknaes, Jackson and Mark had taken the opportunity to push the two beds together. And they laid there, falling asleep together, seven boys tangled as one.

(They had to push Jinyoung off later though. The actor had a premiere that he had to attend due to his recent new movie.

It took almost all five members to shove Jinyoung out of the door and promise him yes we will take care of Jaebum hyung so just go Jinyoung ah. You're going to be late! Manager hyung is going to kill you! Jaebum could only watch from where he had been confined to on the bed.)

While Jaebum did console the other members that it was going to be alright, that didn't mean that he believed it himself. Jinyoung found him locked in the toilet the next morning, staring at his phone with teary eyes.

"Jaebum hyung?" The younger asked, sliding down the wall to sit on the floor next to him. He made sure to lock the toilet door behind him, sensing that this was something that Jaebum wouldn't want the maknae line to walk in on.

Jaebum leaned into Jinyoung's side gratefully, drawing strength from the silent presence. The dancer kept quiet, giving the leader time to compose his thoughts.

"The fans." Jaebum finally whispered.

"What about them? Are you scared of disappointing them? They understand, hyung." Jinyoung reached out to grab hold of Jaebum's hand, the back of it.

"Fans are refunding their tickets because I wouldn't be attending." He had been scrolling through his SNS and came upon that news. Those fans shouldn't be doing that. There were still six other members performing. It wasn't fair to s that some of the seats would be empty just because Jaebum wasn't there.

"Oh." There was nothing Jinyoung could say to dispel the guilt in Jaebum's heart. He felt saddened at the news but knew that they could do nothing about it.

Instead, they sat there in the toilet, letting the news wash over them like a dead weight. The duo only left when Mark knocked on the door, requesting for them to come out because he had to wash up.

Jaebum wasn't sure how he was going to deal with this. Sure he would heal up and be strong, but this entire experience would leave an emotional scar on him. It was the biggest milestone in GOT7's journey, and Jaebum couldn't experience it.

That would be the biggest regret of his life, to not be able to perform at GOT7's first ever concert. And how he had failed both his fans and s.

A tight squeeze on his hand drew him out of his thoughts, and he turned to see Jinyoung smiling at him. The younger dropped a kiss on his head lightly and tugged him back into his previous position. It was almost as if Jinyoung had guessed what he had been thinking and was reassuring him that it wasn't his fault. Not in the slightest.

They would be okay.

It didn't escape Jaebum's attention later that day that s kept him away from social media.

(Jackson, Bambam, and Youngjae did make sure to tell him that #GetWellSoonJB and #StayStrongGOT7 were trending on Twitter.)

But, another problem soon arose. It was too late to change either the choreography of ‘T