DooJoon, a boy from the newspaper where I worked (and probably the only friend I hadsince coming to Seoul), said that KiKwang may not even exist and that my obsession with him was a reflection of solitude in which I lived. And I believed in that possibility, putting my mental faculties to the test when I visited a psychiatrist, despite knowing that what I felt and lived with KiKwang were real enough for him to be just a figment of my imagination.

I decided to take the test by going to the restaurant where I knew he worked and I received the news that he resigned two weeks after he left the apartment.

Although it had ended my hopes of finding KiKwang, at least I had not imaginedanything of the eight months he had lived in my apartment. It was at the third month after the departure of the youngest that I decided to finally move on and find a new person with whom to share the apartment. The impression I had was that Seoul had forgotten me and I no longer knew and loved It as the I knew and loved the boy. I think I felt it first when I found one of his books under a loose plank on the wooden floor of the room.

I could not imagine how many times this book had been read, but somehow I feltcomforted just by having something that could be so precious to the youngest. Since thenfound myself running my eyes over the notes, memorizing every line underlined and imagining situations in which each coffee stain had appeared in the pages that one dayshould have been white, but likely that after years of use were already worn and yellowed.

That incredible discovery made ​​me go back to the cafe where we first met just to read that book as I knew (by his own notes) that KiKwang have had. Once there, I could spend the few pennies left over at the end of the month in cups and more cups of cappuccino, the drink he always asked when we were there to comment amenities.

I do not remember for sure at what point of the book or in my life I had come to see the shape of KiKwang through the stained glass of the cafe. Always crossing the street in a hurry, always crossing the street two in the afternoon.

I only believed that it was actually the youngest when he entered the cafe in one particularly rainy afternoon. He went immediately to the counter and started an animated conversation (which at that distance I could not hear or know what it was about) with the attendant. The boy, who always served my cappuccino when I was in the cafe seemed to have felt the weight of my eyes on them and said something to KiKwang, who immediately looked at me.

His smile, the one which haunted me before for so long, was small but quite significant that time. I swallowed hard, feeling my hands sweat and my legs tremble. I would probably fall if I weren’t sitting. KiKwang just waited for the boy to hand over the paper cup filled with cappuccino and then walked to the table where I was, taking the liberty to pull up a chair for him.

- Long time no see, huh ...?

At that time my mouth had been dry all of a sudden and I could not respond with more than a groan in agony. My eyes, however, was staring at the image of the youngest and my heart seemed strangely accelerated. The truth is that I wanted to shout, scream that I loved him, that I could not stop thinking about him for months and that the lack of news was killing me, but only sighed heavily and looked down at the book, which he also looked at.

- I believe this is mine. - He murmured and slipped his fingers through the notes in the grimy book, making me look up and face him again. The smile was there once more and his eyes sought mine, accomplices. - I thought I had lost.

- Is one of your favorites, right? You forgot under a board in your room. - My voice came out, shaky.

- You-

- Hm?

- I thought I had lost you.

I thought I’d throw up my heart at that moment.

- Maybe I thought too much about tomorrow and forget to live today. - He said, laughing low, and mild eyes landed on my tattoo. - I always liked It. I always liked you, actually.

- I certainly ...
- I lied to you, you know? I never ... I never went to live with DongWoon. He and I ... Well, it was not working. - He shrugged with a half smile. - But staying with you ... I do not know if It would bear. I doubt it would bear.

The scene that developed might seem strange to any one, after all it was not every day that you saw a grown man of nearly six feet cowering against a seat in a cafe and pressing his hands on his face. I knew things in my head was completely ed up and there was nothing I could do about it, since KiKwang was there, in front of me, talking about things that I was never able to imagine.

- So you ...?

- I was tired of getting hurt. Afraid, I think. But I loved you, Jun. In fact, I still love you and, well, I wondered when I would have the courage to look for you and tell you that.

I eagerly drank the rest of the cappuccino I had in my cup and moistened my lips without allowing myself to give the boy any responses that would denounce how anxious I was with everything.

- Also ... I didn’t want to just throw everything in your lap as I'm doing now, but I saw you sitting here, reading my book and my mouth was so full of words I wanted to tell you that I needed, I dunno, do this in some sort of way. Just ... I'm sorry I never ... - He closed his eyes and shook his head, making it clear that the small smile that he held was nervousness. That smile I had never seen before. - I'm sorry for lying and for not letting you know what I felt.

I must have gotten the biggest stupid face in the history, opening and closing my mouth without getting any sound out.

- Well .. I read on the newspaper you are renting a room and ... - He sighed and smiled, very different from the eager smile from before. - The place where I live, well, he no longer fits into my budget. In addition ... - And then he laughed, holding his lower lip between his teeth and lowering his eyes, slightly stained while entwined the fingers on the book.

That speech was the same one he used on the day that we had known and know that heremembered so well as I only made ​​me sure that loving him was really the right thing to do. I sighed and followed the laugh, scratching my neck awkwardly. If my heart would break at that moment, he would break from happiness.

- So I guess I should show you, isn’t it? The apartment? - I asked, knowing that I do not even have to say that I loved him, that I was crazy from the moment I first laid my eyes on him, when I laid my eyes on him, because he already knew. And from that day I would still have many other days to prove how much I was devoted to him and how much I valued this feeling.

KiKwang was then Seoul.

And I did not want to dive in anywhere else but the in body of the youngest. And I did not want to be in any other memories than those of the younger. And I do not want to live anywhere else but in the heart of the youngest.

Cause KiKwang was the one that really pulled my strings like nothing else.

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Sorry if it took SO long. I get really lazy to translate it from portuguese to english and also my english is not the best. I had to write with the gammar and the dictionary by my side, but still I think it came out lame. Thanks to all the ones who had read it and subscribed to it. ♥